forever my baby

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞

{you should know where i'm coming from by banks would be a good song for this chapter!!!}

i was starting to get worried about mason. it had been almost three weeks since i've seen him. at first i thought he was just busy with his own life. i mean he's also in college with a part time job. but he always made time for me no matter what.

my anxiety was at it's highest. i tried my hardest to not make it about me but i couldn't help but think that maybe we didn't make up after all. maybe he finally slipped away. maybe i pushed him away too much. maybe he hates me and doesn't love me anymore.

i had to figure it out one way or another. madeline was asking for him and i didn't know what to say. hey baby sorry your mother failed yet another relationship.

i started spending more time with liam in an attempt to hurry up this healing process. although i feel like he definitely makes me feel better, i still feel empty. but you know, trust the process, or whatever.

i started gardening in the patio. maddy helps me water the plants. turns out i'm actually good at something. gardening helps me take my mind off things but only for a second.

now i'm currently losing my mind while my friends reassure me. "what is happening?" riley says from a distance. "she's freaking out like she does all the time." lauryn says nonchalantly. "all the time?" nat sounds concerned.

my poor friends. they've never seen this side of me. i bet they're so confused and worried.

i look up from the floor and see every single one of them staring at me. "i can't lose him." i freak out at just the thought. "i'll go crazy without him. i need him." i stand up and start pacing. "who? mason?" riley asks. i nod frantically. "you're not losing him, go after him! he loves you so much, do whatever you have to do to keep him." connie says softly.

go after him! exactly. what was i doing freaking out over here? i needed to see him. "okay." i say running to the door. "wait it's raining! i didn't mean-" i close the door. i get rained on immediately. i run to my car and get inside. they all walk outside and watch me as i drive away.

as soon as i pull up to his house, i jump out of the car getting rained on again. i jog up to his house and i knock on the door. "mason! mason i need to talk to you!" i start to get nervous. the door opens and i get excited until i see sophia. "hey soph! can you get your brother for me?"

i try to look sane. before she could do anything, he came up behind her and pushed her inside. "hey... can we talk?" i notice he looks different. something happened. "yeah." he closed the door.

"you've been gone and i've missed you. i know not everything is about me but i just know that i fucked up. i'm sorry mason, i'm sorry for treating you like this. i'm sorry for not letting you in, i'm sorry for making you feel like i don't trust you. i do, i do trust you. i trust you with my life. i trust you with anything and everything. i love you so much, i love you more than i love myself. i promise i'll let you in, i promise!" i missed him so much. i just wanted him back.

i just poured out everything to him but he can barely look at me. i'm desperate for an answer.

"please say something!" i walk towards him.

"you're too late bri. i've done some reflecting these past few weeks and i realized that i've tried everything i could with you. from the beginning, i've always been there for you but apparently i'm not enough for you. it's so hard trying to be everything for you. then i realized again, maybe i am enough, maybe i'm too good for you."

my heart does that thing again. "mason..." i realize what's going on. "you need someone that can help you. i guess i'm not that guy for you. i will always be there for you but i just can't anymore." he starts to walk back inside. i stand there completely frozen. "i love you brianna." he closes the door and i lose it.

"no! please! mason please." i start to panic, he's gone. another one, gone.

i lost him. "mason!" i start hyperventilating. i can't lose him.

that feeling in my chest is back for the first time in years. the feeling of loneliness. it was happening all over again. it sent me into panic mode.

i run to his window and see sophia staring at me. i put my hand on the window. mason picks her up and closes the curtains. i'm hysterical at this point.

"mason please i need you!" i drop to my knees.

"bri!" my friends all start coming up to me. i walk towards them. "knock on the door, tell him it's you." i beg natalie. "bri no! we need to go!" she walks back. "natalie please! i need to fix this." i yell at her. she just shakes her head.

"brianna we need to leave! you look crazy!" riley grabs me and i let her drag me away. "no you don't understand!" i look back at the house.

this can't be it. i'm forced to get into the car. they start to drive and i lose it even more seeing his house slowly fade away. this can't be the end. i fist my hair and i start bawling my eyes out. i just lost a huge part of me.

my friends try to comfort me by putting their hands on me but they all start to disappear. i start hyperventilating uncontrollably now. i'm having a panic attack and i don't even try to stop it.

it only takes a minute for me to pass out.

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i wake up with a huge headache. i sit up and realize where i was. i look around and see everyone being alert now that i'm awake. "bri?" my dad starts to walk up to me. i get up quickly and walk away from them. he's gone.

i look at the front door. "i need to see him." i manage to get out. "you can't see him. you just need to sit down." he tries to block me from the door. "dad seriously move!" i try to push past him. but i can't. i start to panic again. "baby please sit down. everything is going to be okay." he says trying to calm me down.

"no it's not! nothing will ever be okay! i'm never going to fucking be okay!" i yell. noah walks to the door and stands in front of it. so everyone is teaming up against me now? i get angry and run out to the patio. i start throwing the plants everywhere. i scream in frustration until i hear her.

"mommy?" i look at maddy standing there crying. "oh my god. i'm so sorry." my heart drops. i stop and walk up to her but lauryn picks her up and takes her away. "your mother isn't stable right now."

everyone looks at me and i stand there. it broke my heart even more knowing that i was such a mess they took maddy away from me. they all looked at me like i was a crazy person. like any move i make would be dangerous. maddy cries and reaches for me. i try to walk up to her again. "let me hold her." i beg.

"no bri! you're a mess! you're scaring her and you're scaring everyone else, we just need you to sit down and relax!" connie yells at me. i back up. what did i do?

i run upstairs to my room and i lock the door. i move the drawer against the door. i take a few steps back trying not to panic. what is going on? am i finally at my breaking point?

i just throw myself on my bed and i cry.

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a/n: bruh why did i almost cry writing this......... my heart hurts. the music plus this scene playing vividly in my head i just broke my own heart