forever my baby

𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞

"how are you doing?" liam asks. "i'm fine." i cross my arms. he gives me a look as if he's trying to figure out if i'm lying or not. "i feel like you're actually fine today." he puts his pen down. "i am... that's why i said i'm fine." the sarcasm jumps out. "well you like to lie about how you're feeling all the time so excuse me." he matches my sarcasm. "okay, ouch." i sit back in my chair.

"what happened since we last talked?" he asks. "nothing really, same old same old." i sit there. he squints at me and i try not to smile. "why do you have to lie? why can't you just tell me?" he sighs. "because i know you're going to call my bluff and ask me anyways."

"it's kind of annoying to me." liam leans in. "oh, sorry..." i get quiet. i even annoy my own therapist. "well something did happen, my dad told me to give parker a chance and i did. you can say we made up and he's back in my life kinda."

"how do you feel about that?" he asks like always. i take a second. "i'm not sure... i mean i haven't thought about it... i-i guess i'm happy? not happy but i'm glad we're on good terms. things are okay but i feel like mason might not like having him around so much."

"what makes you feel that way?" liam plays with his pen.

i mean it's obvious. if my girlfriends ex boyfriend and father of her daughter started coming around more i'd feel some type of way too.

"he hasn't said anything. in fact he's glad parker is around maddy now. there's just that obvious tension. i've liked both of them and they don't like each other but i'm trying not to make everything about me. it's just a weird situation." i sit back in my chair. liam nods his head. "you're right, it is a weird situation but don't be so hard on yourself. remember this is all new to you, you're learning as you go."

i take in what he's telling me for once. just relax. that's all i have to do, just take everything one day at a time. "what about you liam? how are you?" i ask him. "we are not talking about me right now." he finally puts his pen down for once. "why not? we only have like five minutes left. how's your girlfriend?" i get excited. i hated talking about myself.

"we broke up, thanks." i actually gasp. why do i always have to do this? why do i speak? "oh my god i'm sorry, what happened? you know what, forget i asked! see you next time." i tried to save myself. he just laughs. "relax it's fine, i broke up with her." i gasp again. "why? did she take it well?" i get interested again. "i woke up to my tv in the living room smashed, she just wasn't the one for me."

i accidentally laugh. "she smashed your tv? holy shit." i feel bad. liam's actually a cool guy when he's not acting like my therapist. "yeah it sucks, i was in the middle of watching breaking bad." he makes me laugh. "you're always free to finish your show at my house." i joke. "no thank you." we both get up and say goodbye.

another successful therapy session... i think. i always felt weird after therapy. i don't know what it is... i just felt numb. it's been a long time since i actually felt sane.

i definitely couldn't believe i'm twenty now. i always thought twenty year old me would be partying, traveling, studying abroad and living my life with my besties but in reality, twenty year old me lives with her dad, has a whole child and developed mental illnesses.

not to mention i am not traveling or studying abroad. at least i had my internship.

something was missing though, deep down. it was something inside of me that i feel like i can't fix. it feels like a huge part of me has been replaced with this feeling of emptiness and i'm not sure if liam can fix it.

my phone chimes and i look at the text. it's from parker. parker. as i stand in the lobby i start to remember.

"why are you here?" his mother greets me rudely. "i-i just want to talk to him." i already feel like crying. "you aren't allowed to see him." her tone makes me feel small. "mom who are you- oh... hey." parker stands beside her. "i need to talk to you." i look at him, disregarding what his mom said. "okay let me-" his mom pushes him back. "no you are not allowed to talk to this slut." i'm thrown back by her words. "mom!" parker says staring at me. "did you just call me a slut?" i've never felt this disrespected before. "well you are, you just had to open your legs and seduce my son and now look at you. pregnant! you've got another thing coming if you think my son is going to be a father at eighteen. he's going to graduate, go to an ivy league school just like his sister and he will be successful. we will not have little sluts like you trying to trap our son." his mothers words stung more than anything. i look at him as tears fell down my eyes, hoping he would defend me. but he didn't. "mom that wasn't necessary! just go back in the house." that was all he said. and i've never felt so horrible and disgusted with myself. i hated myself. "i hope you know that this isn't just my fault! your son was the one that fucked me! it takes two people to have sex!" i scream about to have a breakdown. "bri calm down, let's talk." he tries to walk up to me. "no fuck you! i fucking hate you! you didn't even defend me! fuck you and your mom, i don't need any of you, i'm going to raise my baby without you pieces of shit! i don't want anything from any of you!" i run back to my car and i drive away as fast as i could."