forever my baby

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞

"what?" my mom catches me staring at her. "nothing." i go back to doing my homework. "what's up bug?" she puts her glasses on and sits back in her chair smiling. i bite the inside of my cheek, wondering if i should even say what i was going to say.

"do you love dad?" i put my pencil down. we've had this conversation before. "of course i love your dad." she sort of frowns. maybe i should stop.

"but you don't love him enough to be with him?" i accidentally let out. her eyebrows raises. "i love him too much to be with him." she says and this time i frown. "that doesn't even make sense." i say in a sort of sassy way. "no i guess it doesn't. where is this coming from?" i pick my pencil back up ignoring her question.

"maddy?" she's more persistent. "you guys are just confusing!" i drop my pencil and cross my arms. i didn't want the tone of this conversation to be like this but it happened anyways. "elaborate." now she crosses her arms. i try so hard to keep my mouth shut.

the door opens and my dad comes in with jacob. they drop their basketballs and stare at us. "wrong timing?" dad says making my tense face relax. i wave at him. "no, perfect actually. maddy was just talking about how we're confusing." mom gestures towards me.

"you are! you're going to tell me that i'm wrong?" i need to shut my mouth. "i'll be in your room." jacob runs upstairs. "okay. let's relax." dad comes and sits next to my mom at the table.

now i feel like i'm being interrogated. "i am relaxed." i go back to crossing my arms. i'm anything but relaxed. "is there anything else you'd like to get off your chest now that your father is here?" she looks at me. actually, yes.

i look at them both. who to go off on first?

"you said that dad living here would make things better but it's not. it's worse. you guys act like you're divorced and you're not even married- or together in the first place. why do you guys act like you're better off not being together when clearly you are? one day you're kissing and acting like we're this normal, cool family and the next it's like we're a broken family. i don't get it, you guys are supposed to be the adults. i don't care if you guys don't want to be together, just stop giving me false hope and acting like things are going to be okay when they aren't!" i pack up my homework and run upstairs.

i semi slam my door and start to cry. "oh shit." jacob comes up to me and hugs me. i honestly forgot he was here.

"it's okay." he caresses my back and hair. my sadness turns to anger. "ugh get off me, stop being weird." i push him a little harder than i anticipated. "ouch. i was just trying to help calm you down." he says a little offended. "why were you touching my back like that?" i hit the wall and slide down to the floor. "because that's what people do when they comfort somebody crying!" he throws his hands up.

maybe i'm making this up. maybe he doesn't like me and is just trying to be my friend. "sorry." i wipe my face feeling a little embarrassed. "it's fine." he sits next to me and says nothing else.

i calm down and just stare at my room. "do you want to play basketball?" he asks and i look at him and smile. "sure."

☀︎☀︎☀︎

"not bad for a... nevermind." he shuts up when i stare at him. we sit down in the grass and drink water. i loved this park. my mom took me here all the time when i was a kid.

"that bench over there is where my mom met mason." i tell jacob although i'm not sure why. it was just on my mind. he looks and nods. "do you wish mason was here?" he asks.

"all the time. he's my best friend." i pick at the grass. i really did miss him, so much. i think i'll facetime him later today.

"why did you get so mad earlier when i hugged you?" he asks. i look at him. "because i thought you were being... i don't know... flirty?" i'm honest. "flirty? you thought me comforting you when you were crying is flirting?" he laughs.