forever my baby

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

ten years later

"what if they don't like me?" i hear maddy come in the kitchen. "what if who doesn't like you?" i ask pouring myself a cup of coffee. "the kids at school." i finally turn around to see my spitting image. "they're going to love you." i kiss her forehead.

"dad!" she groans. "what? why are you upset?" i watch parker come downstairs and look around for us. he smiles when we make eye contact and comes into the kitchen. "i don't want to go to school. i'm nervous." madeline leaves the kitchen and goes to the living room.

parker and i both follow her. "it's your first day of actual school, of course you're going to be nervous. but all of your friends are going to be there with you." parker says as he fixes his tie. "exactly, you can make new friends too." i add.

there's a honk and she jumps. "i'm going to throw up!" she paces around. parker and i look at each other and make a face. the face of admiration. this is the moment i've been waiting for. one of maddys milestones. i'm going to remember this moment forever.

"come here," i put down my cup and hold my hands out. she quickly walks in front of me and grabs my hands. "now breathe in," i demonstrate and she copies. i can see her calming down already.

we do this a lot. the anxiety i developed as an adult somehow got passed down to her as a child. i feel bad. being a teenager is already hard but being an anxious teenager on top of that is insane.

reassuring her is in our daily routine.

"breathe out." we exhale together. we do this a few more times. "you're going to have a good day. you'll talk to new people. you don't have to worry about finding someone to sit by at lunch because you have your best friends. just be a kid." i hug her. parker joins.

another honk. she squirms indicating that our family hug is over. "okay, i have to go." she grabs her tote bag and walks towards the door but turns and stares at us.

"thank you. i love you both, see you after school." she waves then opens the door to leave. "love you too." parker and i say in unison as we walk to the door.

lauryn gets out of her car and waves. "you look lovely miss maddy!" she shouts. "hey sexy mama." she waves at me and i wave back. i also wave at the kids in the backseat when they roll the window down.

i start to feel a way when i see maddy get in the front seat and close the door. my baby isn't homeschooled anymore. "i love you all! drive safe!" i yell and blow them kisses.

lauryn gets in the car and drives off.

i look at parker who's already looking at me. his eyebrow raises.

nope. i'm not going to do it.

"wow, no tears. you did it!" he gives me a high five. "you didn't even pack her a lunch or fill her bag with a first aid kit." i try not to smile.

"i tried. she said she wanted to try school food." i say before walking back into the house. she'll change her mind. parker laughs and closes the door. "no scrubs today?" he asks. i pick my cup back up and continue to drink my coffee. "nope, it's my off day. i plan on getting tipsy and cleaning the house." i sigh.

"sounds like so much fun," he mocks me. "i have a case to work on but i'll be back before little one gets home. save me a drink." parker winks. "absolutely not, you act weird when you're drunk." i eye him. he knows exactly what i'm talking about so he just smiles.

"maddy looks beautiful. love the outfit and hairstyle. she's like a little hippie. guessing that was your influence." i laugh. "i played one fleetwood mac song as we were cleaning and she took that and ran with it. i'm not to blame."

maddy had on a yellow, the sun tarot card shirt on with ripped blue jeans and her tan birkenstocks. her hair was parted down the middle and she braided the front two parts with a yellow rubber band. i don't know why she was so anxious, if i saw her i'd want to be her friend.

"alright, i have to go. see you later." he grabs a water from the fridge and heads towards the door. "have a good day." i say and he smiles. "you too." parker leaves and i breathe in. alone in the house now, i try to figure out if i want to get drunk now or later.

☀︎☀︎☀︎

"awe." i say out loud when i find a note i wrote when i was twenty in my closet. i read it and hold it to my heart. i don't give myself enough credit. my life is in perfect flow. i became who i wanted to be. my life is how i wanted it to be.

i'm a single, thirty year old with the most amazing daughter and we live in olympia. with parker. everything worked out in the end i suppose. my brother proposed to natalie a few years ago, riley is dating this really cool guy she met in college, my parents are still together. shit, even parker and i's relationship changed. mason moved to hawai'i and is living his best life.

we facetime every so often. maddy loves talking to him. i told her we'll visit him soon.

now... what to do? wait for maddy to come home or actually clean the house? the only thing i look forward to these days is talking to her. i loved to hear about her day, what music she listens to, her dreams and aspirations.

i don't know what i'd do without her.

☀︎☀︎☀︎

maddy

"oh man." i say as we walk into my new middle school. kids my age were everywhere. i was nice to see so many people. some potential friends. "everything is going to be okay." jacob pats me on the shoulder and smiles at me. "okay." i smile back.

i wasn't really sure what i've been so anxious about. i'm lucky to have ella, zoë and jacob. they've all been to real school before. they said it's not like the movies.

we all stopped when we reached the quad. there were kids hanging out waiting for the bell to ring i guess. how would i approach them? do i just walk up to them and say hi?

"okay the bell is going to ring in five minutes. we all know what classes to go to right?" zoë asks looking at me. "yeah, i think so. i looked up the schools map this morning so i wouldn't be lost. i printed it out." i pull a folded piece of paper out of my jeans and opened it up.

"of course you did." ella and zoë laugh together. "we have the same first period, we can walk together." jacob offers making me feel a little better. "cool." i look at ella. she gives zoë a look. i frown at them and they stop. "we'll be right back j." i say and grab ellas hand. ella grabs zoës hand and i pull them away to the side. far enough so jacob can't hear us.

"stop it!" i yell at them. "what?" they say at the same time. "stop making things weird! you guys always do that." i look over to see if jacob was looking. he wasn't, he was talking to other people already. he's so cool and fearless.

"it's not our fault jacob is in love with you." they laugh. i shush them. "ew jacob does not love me." my eyes go big. love? disgusting.

"he's had a crush on you since we were little. anyone can tell, even ask your mom." zoë looks back at him too. "oh no. he does look at me weirdly all the time." i also look which makes ella look too.

j looks at us as if he could tell there were pairs of eyes staring at him and he waves at me. i wave back shyly and look back at the girls. "but he's older." i say and ella rolls her eyes. "so? he makes it so obvious. boys can never hide their feelings." ella tries not to laugh.

"do you like him?" zoë asks and i freeze. the bell rings and i get tense. "save that for lunch. see you and loverboy later." she says and they both make kissing sounds at me until they walk away. i flip them off.

do i like him? i barely even started having these weird teenager feelings. how am i supposed to know?

"hey you ready?" jacob walks back up to me. i look into his eyes. he does have pretty green eyes and nice curly hair. his teeth are straight. his face hasn't broken out yet like everyone our age. he dresses cool. but do i like him?

"yeah. let's go."

☀︎☀︎☀︎

a/n: ahhh hi yall. remember i said i was ending this book? well i guess not- at least not yet. i had an idea where i can make maddy be the pov for the rest of the book. i think i could do that and make it work just for a litttttlllleeee longer. muah. xoxo.