Its A Deal!

Something New

Matty

When I first got a call from her,every cell in my body was filled with anger and the feeling of betrayal, I hated myself for ever trusting her,but then again this was a stupid vicious circle that she and I kept going in.

Honestly speaking I should've been used to this back and forth episode of ours by now,she does it everytime and I fall for it every single time.

Its not that I'm dumb or stupid to believe a single word that comes out of her mouth or even that I don't get that she's tricking me,I do.But, I don't know....there's just this little ray of hope, a little almost muffled voice inside my head that hopes that maybe....just maybe this time she really means what she's saying,she really needs me.

And inevitably every single time I'm screwed over by her and I hate myself for listening to the god forsaken voice.

I was done with her and her drama and backstabbing the last time she did this,In fact I had even promised myself and summy that I would never again even speak to or off her,let alone meet her,but I knew the moment my hand pressed the green answer button that the promise was not going to last long

Why I answered the call was beyond me. Maybe It was because the feeling I got when I saw her name flash as the caller Id drove me to do it or maybe I missed her so much that I didn't care about anything else,it could also be because I thought this time she may have gotten herself into a really big mess and she needed me more than ever or maybe it was because,no one can really ignore or hate their mothers.....so neither could I ,but either way I answered the call and that is what got me in front of my mothers 2nd floor dingy studio apartment an hour later.

I knew Emma had probably informed summer about the call I received after school from my mom by now,I had told her precisely for that reason only.Summer was the only one who would be able to get me out of here  if my mom started her emotional blackmail and lying game again, I needed her.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door which started opening on my knock itself.Why was the door open?

I felt my chest constrict and throat close up as my mind began conjuring up the worst scenerios possible.

A feeling of dread filled my entire body as I slowly began entering the now familiar dark flat.

My mom bought this flat with the little money my dad gave her after the divorce and ever since she has been living here.

As soon as i enter the flat im immediately  hit by the strong smell of alcohol and vomit mixed.

I crossed the kitchen full of trash and empty vodka bottles and beer cans and went to the one room that the house was.

There in between broken bottles and dried vomit on some torn rug my mom sat rummaging through cabinets murmuring to herself. I've seen this scene so many times in the past ten years since my parents divorce that I sighed in relief at the familiarity of it.

I walked avoiding the vomit towards my mom who was it seems still oblivious to my arrival.

If it isn't clear already, Mary Stewart,my mother was an alcoholic with no hope of recovery.

This was also the reason for my dads divorce with her and also the reason he made sure she didn't get too much money from the divorce. Not because he wanted it all,but because he didn't want her to drink herself to death with too much of it.

The thing was my mom wasn't always like this, honestly she wasn't. Once upon a time even I,like every other kid out there had a normal family with amazing parents. I still remember the sparkle in my moms eye when she used to bake my favorite honey crusted apple pie, as a part of her recovery,when she had been 5 years sober.

She had started rehab when she got pregnant with me, it made me happy to see her happy. She used to tell me how I had come into her and dads life as a blessing. I haven't seen her like that since 10 years now.

“Where is the damn bottle? ”my moms screech as she threw a glass bottle against the opposite wall,making it break into a thousand pieces bought me back to reality.

I quickly kneeled beside my shaking mother and wrapped my arms around her petite figure.

“shh,its all OK,its all fine,I'm right here mom,im here,its all ok”i began whispering in her ear trying to soothe her but she kept shaking violently

Ofcourse,she was out of stock ,hence the call,i shouldve known better than to hope for anything else.

The shock of the divorce had made my mom stop taking drinks for a while...that's when she bought this flat,in hopes of it being temperory and she making amends with dad

But of course that didn't last long before depression hit and she was once again drowning herself in her habit.

No amount of begging or pleading on my part made her go to rehab and dad had long since given up on her,or atleast that's what he wanted to show,but I know he checks in on her every week.

“maatty....ho honey...y..y..you ca..ca...came” my mom stammers out as she continues shaking

Her bloodshot eyes look dead and have bags under them and her now saggy face makes her look so much older.

"Uh hun” I say as I feel my throat closing up and my eyes stinging at this pitiful state of my mother.

But before she can say anything she passes out in my lap.

I get up,pulling my mom along with me and sling her arm across my shoulder to support her weight

“need some help there buddy?”its amazing how just her voice made me feel a hundred times better already ,I didn't need to turn around to look at her,her voice was really enough to make everything about anything  so much more bearable.

“Yeah,help would be really apricaited”  I say.

Summer comes up on mom's other side and supports her other half as we drag her to the bed in the corner.

“summy?”i say after we tuck mom in and sit on the stairs outside,she turns and hugs me tight.“shhh,no thank you's,no sorry's,no explainations,its all OK,I'm here and so are you,everything's fine and I'm never gonna judge you,so shhhh”.

Maybe it was the situation,or maybe it was summers words or maybe it was just the way she hugged me but in that moment I knew that something had changed in the way I wrapped my arms around her and held her to me,because this time......I didn't wanna let go.