The Adventures Of John B : The Sacred Stone

Chapter 35 - Something About Us.

He came.

Like an angel entering hell.

Holding out a hand to me with such mindful grace, flames rising high as his worries ran low.

Why?

That question pounds in my head as the mask withers away, a devil disguised as a divine spirit exposed in the process.

Why did you trust me?

Why did I trick you?

Why is your face so pained, your heart so open- your affliction so apparent?

And why, most of all, does this make me feel guilty- why does it affect me with a pain I can't explain?

You're the one who left your vulnerabilities out for the world to see, and I simply took the chance.

But your back is turned.

I'll only ever see that devastatingly solemn silhouette as you walk away, the flames that once cheered you on reminding me of the emptiness that is left- an outline of what is forever gone.  The flames you once loved so much, the only hinderance in your journey back.

You came so quick.

You left just as fast, like a thunderbolt striking into my life in a split second- a rare occurrence.

I alone am muddled with my own tears.

And he's gone.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The floorboards moaned under the weight of my feet, screams of the past calling out to me- declaring me unworthy of movement.

I worried these fragile things would break under the pressure, that my body would crumble to the ground- that this weakness would overtake me completely.

I couldn't sleep.

It felt cold and rough, skin to wood- man to nature and its creations.  

I keep taking these heavy steps, hoping that the next won't be the last- promising one more with every breath.

But when will this ever end?

This fear of never knowing what lies next, anticipating an end that hasn't yet come?

When will my legs numb and my heart give out- when will I ever get what I deserve?

Will I ever again be able to frolic as a child, feet as light as my heart?

No.

I sucked in a breath as the chill of the doorknob registered in my skin, rooted back in this pitiful reality.

Twisting, I held my lungs steady- flinging the door open with such bittersweet anticipation.

Nothing.

A laugh escaped from the depths of this empty body that I call my own- a hoarse throat of suffocated tears purring in misery.

Maybe a part of me- the one that was so helplessly human, had expected to find someone there. But she is gone now.

Emptiness filled the perfect space where I longed for anyone- for his body to be, wisps of my own fantasizing imagination outlining his figure.

A smile.  That's all he had to give and I would be at my knees.