Apex [h.s]

chapter thirty eight

hii, i uploaded twice, so make sure you read chapter thirty seven first :)

Song: Purple Rain, Prince

I never meant to cause you any sorrow, I never meant to cause you any pain

Frankie Doyle

December

I don't know how long I was sitting in the paddock, but I spent enough time there for my emotions to shift from anger to sadness to loneliness, back to anger and then sad again.

I felt like a complete idiot.

I know that the way I talked to Harry wasn't okay. I knew that I had to apologise. But I felt like my body was bolted to the ground. Every time I gathered the courage to go back over, I crumpled back down like a useless bit of paper being thrown into a bin.

In the moment, I couldn't control the anger I had been feeling, and I took it out on the one person who didn't deserve it.

I know that I hurt him, I saw it in his eyes. It fucking killed me that I was the reason for that look. I just didn't know how to fix it.

The late afternoon sun was pelting down on me. I hadn't had any water since long before my race, which judging by the sun, was hours ago now.

My race suit, being black, absorbed the heat, turning my clothes into a mini oven. I'm pretty sure that over the course of the few hours I had been out here, I'd either sweat or cried every last bit of moisture out of my body.

What had me the most worried though, is that we were supposed to be leaving for England in two days. Now I wasn't sure if he'd even want me to go with him...

I'm such a fucking idiot...

I'm so mad at myself for pushing him away when he tried to hold me earlier because now that's all I wanted.

"Frankie," a woman's voice caught my attention.

"Hey Sarah," I sighed, resting my chin on my knee as she sat down next to me.

I hadn't spent all that much time with Sarah. I only ever really saw her at the track and she was always pretty busy overseeing Harry's half of the team. Harry seemed to like her though.

"Are you okay?" She asked genuinely.

"I-I don't think so," I hiccuped. "I think I fucked up. I screamed at him, Sarah. And he just wanted to make sure that I was okay. He looked so hurt."

"He's been sitting alone in his trailer for the last three hours. They postponed the podium because no one could find you and he didn't want to come out. I managed to get him to tell me where you were through the trailer door," she sighed sympathetically.

"It's been three hours?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah," she replied. "You're not the only one who was pissed though, the driver who's always up with you and Harry, Liam Payne, he almost punched that new driver out. He had to be held back by two marshals."

"What the fuck, are you serious?" I gasped.

"Oh yeah, he was livid. His average times have been pretty badly affected after being pushed off the track," she shrugged.

"Who even was the driver?" I asked.

"Some old rich guy that wanted to live out his race car dream. He literally hired the car for the weekend, paid the entry fee out of his own pocket with no sponsorships and raced like a moron. Race Control has been in meetings since the race finished trying to suss out how he managed to get through the screening process."