The Baker And The Queen Pin

22.) Intentions

I simply watch Kevin as he keeps bleeding, he realizes how badly he fucked up but I didn't care about his realization. I felt a bit of a regret that I shot him, mostly because he'd have to explain this to his superiors but I knew why this all happened. He stole money and though I understood his reasons, I couldn't find myself, feeling sorry for him. It was the same old reasoning as before, the only difference is I know why he did it. He should have asked for a loan, it would have done him a much bigger favor.

He sits there in pain as he says, 'If you have no intentions of killing me, then at least get rid of me,' I put my gun to his temple as I say, "I will but you're still my bitch. I want any kind of information you get, you lost any right to get any kind of benefit from this, and only after I'm finished will I let you go," He swallows as he says, 'I would rather you just kill me,' I smile and say, "Of course, you'd rather I kill you and by the end of this, you'll wish I killed you. Instead, I want you to understand something: The only reason why you're alive right now," I clap my hands on his face as hard as I can as he's still bleeding, "You're still alive right now because I want you to be alive. You're still alive right now because of everything you've done, you piece of shit, O'Bryan cannot match your caliber just yet,"

It's then that the horror raises in his eyes when he realizes that O'Bryan was his partner but I'll replace him with his partner. The fear in his eyes as he realized how little I cared, the thought of me being able to easily replace him flowed through his mind though I don't think he understands how fucked he is. It's then that I call my doctor, and within a few minutes, the doctor is here. He smiles as he says, 'How can I help you, Miss Smirnoff?' He was an African student in the US to study, he was going to take those same skills back to his country. I pay for all his schooling and he has been a current resident in the states ever since.

He visits here for 6 months and then he goes home. He was one of my trusted doctors and one of my most reliable ones. He cleans his wounds, not asking a damn question, and gets it wrapped up. I take a moment and appreciate everything that's happened, appreciate the fact that he's experienced something he can't let go of. "You shouldn't have stolen from me," I say to him, "You shouldn't have forced my hand like this," He takes a second and realizes how much he's lost everything.

'What am I going to tell the other officers?' he says. "The truth if you want," I say, smiling, "But I would keep it to myself," The doctor finishes repairing the damage around his arm and he slowly gets doped up with morphine. He realizes that I didn't do too much damage and says, 'He'll be up within a few days. Don't open your wounds up,' he says to him, 'And if you're going to do any strenuous work, then let me know now so I can get you the proper antibiotics and medicine,'

It's then that I take a breath as Doctor Joseph says: 'Would you like me to look at you, too, Miss Smirnoff?' His accent was sincere and honest, I nod and say "No. Just make sure he can get the hell out of here," I begin to walk towards the door and text Booker, I wish I didn't have to go through this with all the bullshit that has happened within the last few days but I also found myself satisfied, knowing that I could spend a few hours or even a few days wrapped around him. As much as I didn't want to admit it, for the first time in a while, I felt happy. I felt as if I could spend my time with him and be relaxed.

I didn't have to think about petty things like who stole my money, who I had to kill, or anything. I just needed to relax so I did. The only person on my mind was him, he is one of the few people in my life I can't see being without. Yes, it's only been a short time but I know he is the type of man I want. Amidst all of this brutality that I inflict on people and is inflicted on me, I want someone to be kind. I want someone with an open heart and someone who will treat me like I am important.

I take a deep sigh as I make my way toward his house. I hope one day I can tell him about this, I hope one day I can tell him the truth about my life.

~~~Booker