The Baker And The Queen Pin

Chapter 56: Happily N'Ever After?

~~~Booker

As I sit in the new apartment, thinking about Maria again, I realized how much I had truly relied on her, and how much she had changed. Then I think about everything I've had to go through the last couple of days. Belle was right, I loved her more than I loved Keisha. She made me feel better but then the other problem was that I couldn't be selfish like that.

I couldn't be selfish and chose a woman over my family. I couldn't be that man, not like her, not like Keisha. I would have to say something, I would have to tell her, and I would have to work on a new reality of what I've been doing but I simply did not want to accept this reality. Maybe if the kids moved out, I could do something but would someone attack me just to get to her?

I wish I had someone I could consult with this and then I got a call. It was from Keisha. I had not talked to her in weeks, I had refused to, to be honest. Now, it was almost as if it was welcoming, I let it ring a little longer as I found myself, wondering why she called. Before I could finally deny it, I answered the call.

"Hello Keisha," I say to her, trying not to sound too exasperated. 'Hi Booker,' She says, calmly, 'I wanted to talk to you. In light of everything that's happened and in light of you and Maria being separated, I wanted to ask you something. Could you forgive her?' I hear her voice ask me for something so complicated and then I say, "Why? Why would I ever want to forgive her?" I say in a questioning tone.

"Do you know how much audacity you have to ask me for that?" 'I know I'm asking for a lot,' I hear her hesitate. 'I know what I'm asking for and I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be, I  know I'm asking for forgiveness from a man who has been hurt badly in many ways.' "Many ways don't even begin to justify what you've done. It doesn't even begin to justify what you've taken from me. All I wanted was for everyone to be happy, even if it meant I was unhappy. I wanted everyone in my family to be happy, even when you told the kids I hit you. I wanted you to be happy. Even when my son tried to fight me a few years ago, I said I'm happy. Even when I stopped dating women because you were harassing them, I said I was happy. Now you want forgiveness?"

'I don't know why I called.' She said in a soft voice. I could hear silently crying on the phone and then I remember how my mother made me feel, how my family made me feel and I said, "I forgive you. I forgive you because, at the end of the day, you understood even a little bit of what I went through. You understood what it was like to be alone and I can never be angry at you for understanding that. I don't ever wish malice or hate on you, but I do wish that you'd leave me alone after this. I wish that we can talk and actually talk about our children without any problem." As she silently stopped crying, she said, 'Thank you. Thank you for forgiving me.'

"Don't thank me. Thank our children." It was then that she said, 'I'm sorry that you went through all of this because of me.' "It's okay. I hope you've grown as a person and I'm happy for you." As I say this, I feel a huge burden off my chest. She then starts crying harder as she says, 'Really?' Tears stream down my face as I say, "Really." As much as I wanted to be angry with her, I couldn't, I couldn't hate her. I couldn't hate her because she was the mother of my children, I couldn't hate her because I knew I was better than that so I allowed myself to let go and be better.

'Thank you.' She says, calmly. I smile and say, "You're welcome, Ke." As I say that to her, I go to hang up the phone but before I could, she says, 'I have to ask a question. Why did you leave Maria?' I found myself, stunned and quiet, why would she ask? I can't just answer this. "Because she lied to me." 'Okay. I understand that, but why?' "Well you know how I feel about lying and you know-"

'Booker, be honest with yourself. Did you want to leave her?' I then said, "No. Never, I never thought about it." 'So, then why put yourself in such a predicament?' "Because I want her to know that I don't tolerate lying. At any point, I'm not okay with it." I say, stumbling over my words. "I want her to know that I don't tolerate lying of any form." 'Okay, but here's the problem, Booker. She lied to you to protect you.' "Don't give me that. Ever since-" I hesitate, "Ever since you cheated on me, I don't tolerate lying."

'I know what I did to you and I know how you feel. I know you don't like the way things are going but I can honestly say she is a woman that made you happy. If you're lucky, you'll have a woman like her for the rest of your life. I would go and talk to her to get the full story because she is a woman that loves you and if I had a second chance, I would do everything in the world to protect a man like you. Please don't ruin your life, being bitter and angry like me.'

With that, she says, 'Take care of yourself, Booker.' I try my best to wonder what she said and the truth of the matter is I don't think I could ever let Maria go, not in any official capacity. Like that, I call her, afraid to see what she'll say to me but the truth of the matter is I was still nervous to talk to her.

I knew how she felt and I knew how I felt. She loves me deeply, she tried to contact me even though I ignored her. She was there for me when no one else was. She made me feel good and like I was a good man yet all I could think about was how much she lied to me and how much she bent the truth.

I knew how much she bent the truth, from the drugs all the way to the bodies she amassed and what scared me the most was how many people she hurt and how many she killed. I remember when I went to jail for one year, and for one year, I got to see so many people cycle in and out of that damned jail, so many of them were telling me how they were going to federal prisons or all the way to another state. Sometimes they even used it as a place to deport people yet I escaped the system.

At that moment, I found myself, calling her and within the first three rings, it went to voicemail.

End of Chapter 56: Happily N'Ever After?