Being Good Enough

Chapter 5

The next morning, I woke up for school a few minutes early. I did my usual morning routine but today, I'm going to actually make an effort. I grabbed the Wet n Wild Cream foundation and rubbed some over the bags under my eyes and the small blemish on my chin. It was a cheap $4 tube I got at the drug store, so I don't think it'll look that good. Also, I'm not one to ever wear make-up so I hope I don't end up going to school looking crazy. My reflection the mirror, actually didn't look so bad. It was looking like this day would be a good day.

Since, it was an unusually warm Autumn day, about 72 degrees Fahrenheit, I decided to wear jean shorts with a long sleeve, all black shirt, and my Vans. The outfit was basic but my legs looked good so its whatever. The hairstyle I choose was a sloppy sock bun, it was cute and only took about 3 minutes. I grabbed 2 cupcakes, then went outside to wait for Mary, who arrived within minutes.

"Uhh, one of those cupcakes better be for me," was the first thing she said.

"Really? No hi Khadijah, you look cute today?"

"Aw, actually you do look cute, but forreal give me a cupcake."

I jokingly rolled my eyes and handed her one. Mary opened her mouth for a bit but stopped before any food got into her mouth. She grabbed a bag that said Macy's on it, then pulled out a bottle.

"Oh yeah, remember how i'm going to Chris's today?! Yesterday, I went to like 40 different stores to try to find perfume that was cute. I bought Coach Poppy. Its not too strong, but if we cuddle then he'll smell like me which I like. And its floral. Guys like that right? Its smells like flowers but not too much. Not like a "13-year old white girl going to the mall" flowers. Here, do you like it?"

I felt a rush of jealousy go through my body. Chris was going to be with Mary in his free time, he WANTED to be with her. He only talked to me 'cause his mom made him. And Mary was just so much better than me. She could afford really good smelling perfume, and her own car, and she played basketball like him, AND she was super gorgeous. Not to mention, she was very outgoing. She could start and keep a conversation with practically anyone. I'm so awkward! I bet after tonight Chris and Mary will start dating. I don't compare to her, I'm definitely not good enough for him.

"Yas, thats smells good as hell! What are you gonna wear? Wear something tight so he can see you have a nice ass," I joked. Sure, I was jealous but that didn't mean I wouldn't be a good friend to her.

"Bye, my ass doesn't even exist! But I think I'll wear tights and I don't know what for a shirt. We're only going to his house, so If i dress up too much, he'll think i'm weird. Do you think he'll like me? Honestly."

"Really Mary? You're nice and cute and play basketball and of course he'll like you!"

"I'm praying for myself!! Hey, look Trey is here. I'll ask him if he saw Chris."

I was so immersed in our conversation, I hadn't noticed we were already at school. Mary jumped out the car and went over to Trey. I got out the car at a much slower pace than she did. By the time I got to the 11th grade entrance the bell had started to ring. Inside the school, it was just like any other day; loud and annoying. A smile was brought to my face though, when I saw Chris at his locker.

Should I say something? Nah, i'm not going to. I'm still pretty shy around him. When I reached out to open my locker, my arm bumped with his. He looked at me, making eye contact, but didn't say anything. After that, he shut his locker and walked away, not even acknowledging me. I took a deep sigh. Again with the rudeness? This time it actually hurt my feelings. I thought that after yesterday, we would be closer? I guess not, according to him.

I felt bummed out the rest of the day. I tried to look a bit more attractive just so he would notice but he didn't. He gave me literally no response at all! Well, he didn't have too. Technically, he didn't even do anything wrong. Chris isn't obligated to pay attention to me. We're not friends after all. But still, I wish we were. And I wish he WOULD give me attention.

-

The warmness of the day was now gone. It was chilly with the wind blowing. I felt stupid for wearing shorts, and for not checking the weather. I felt even stupider for not bringing any extra layers. The walk home was a torturing 20 minutes. Maybe if I didn't think about it, the cold won't bother me? Ok, well today was a rare occasion- I didn't have any homework! When I get home, I'll nap, shower, go to the gas station for candy, and spend the day relaxing. That sounded great.

As I was walking, I noticed a black car driving slowly besides me. I've seen too many stories on the news, to already know what might happen. I started to rush, but the car steadily stood by me. "Khadijah, its me," a voice said. Through the tinted windows I couldn't see who was speaking. The window rolled down to reveal Chris.

"What the hell? You scared me!" I said it in a way so he would know I wasn't actually mad at him. Actually, I should be mad at him. Why was he talking to me now? He saw and ignored me at school.

"its cold, let me take you home."

It was cold, and his gesture was sweet, so I got in the passenger side with no complaints. He began to drive in silence.

When we were about 5 minutes away from my house, Chris placed his large, warm hand on my knee. He ran his hand up and down my thigh a few times before eventually letting it rest inbetween my legs on my left inner tigh. I bit my lip hard to keep from squirming. Oh my gosh, what was he doing? And for what!?

"Ya know, you look good in them shorts," he said with a squeeze of his hand.

My face started to darken and I found it hard to get words out. "Tha-thanks," was all I could muster.

Chris didn't reply, all he did was stare at my face. I began to feel self-conscious so I turned my face towards the window. The look he was giving me though- wow I want to fuck him right here in the car. STOP! Did I just think that? I'm not a sexual person by any means. Ugh, what it this boy doing to me? All he has to do is give me a certain look and I'm all hot and bothered.

Thankfully, after a few minutes we pulled up to my apartment building. I grabbed Chris's hand and pushed it away. We finally made eye contact for the first time.

"Thanks for the ride, Chris," I said it so low, I didn't know if he heard me or not.

"Anytime, baby."

I got out the car without another word. As soon as I was sure he couldn't see my face, I broke out in the biggest smile EVER! Baby? Maybe he did like me after all. . . .