Being Good Enough

Chapter 7

I'm not sure how I feel about Chris anymore. Why won't he speak to me? Actually, even a wave hello would suffice. Is he shy around other people? Well, he's very popular so I doubt thats the problem. I want to ask him about it, but what if he thinks i'm crazy or something. We don't talk in school but we talk out of it, so maybe he doesn't see it as an issue.

I gave myself a pep talk in my mind before walking into my Calculus class. Remember Khadijah, school is important! Don't let a boy distract you! Get it together! When I stepped into the class, a new distraction came along. Sitting in the seat right next to mine was Micheal Stevenson What the hell? They never transfer students into this class! I made my way to my teacher, Mrs. Vega's desk.

"Oh hey Khadijah, I'm glad you're here. Mrs. Langston (the principal) just put Micheal in this class. Because I've taught you for 3 years, I put him next to you since I know you you'll help him out if he's having trouble. The class is hard and sometimes it takes a while for students to adjust."

"I'm confused, how am I supposed to help him?"

"We use a college-level textbook while other classes use a standard 11th grade version. He might have trouble at first grasping what we're doing. Thats what I mean by helping him. I, of course will be here if he's having trouble but sometimes its easier to understand from a fellow student than a teacher."

I nodded, understanding her reasoning. My feet walked me over to where Micheal was, and then I sat down.

"Hi, i'm Khadijah," I introduced myself.

Micheal nodded his head. "I'm Micheal." I didn't reply since Mrs. Vega had started her lesson already.

I was a little nervous around Micheal. He and Chris were very close friends. If I do something stupid around Micheal, then chances are he'll tell Chris! I obviously don't want Chris to laugh at me behind my back. I'll definitely try to keep my cool around Micheal. He doesn't seem like a bad guy.

Class was going to be over a minutes and everyone was standing up, packing their things.

"How come they moved you to this class?" I asked Micheal. Two seconds later I realized how rude I sounded. "Um that sounded bad. Not that you're not smart or anything, I just thought you would've stayed with your friends. That what I meant. Sorry," I tried to correct myself.

Micheal laughed at my awkward apology. "My ma told them to put me here. I don't even have a choice."

"Are you close with your mom?" I don't even know where that question came from. It didn't have anything to do with math but I still asked it.

"Yeah, of course. She's number one."

"Aw thats so cute, you're a mamas boy!"

When the bell rang, Micheal and I walked out next to eachother. Waiting at the door was all of Micheal's "clique." As soon I showed my face, I received multiple dirty looks from the popular girls. I wanted to roll my eyes but didn't because I'm not trying to get fucked up by them. A few feet behind the clique, I saw Chris with his arm around Karrueche, one of the cheerleaders, shoulder. So, is that why he won't talk to me?
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The best part of my day was when the bell rang signaling that the day was over. It must have only taken me maybe 2 minutes to get my things from my locker and eventually go outside. The weather was just like yesterday, very chilly. Also just like yesterday, Chris pulled up in his car offering me a ride, which I gladly accepted.

"Hi," I said shyly. Ugh, I hate that! I have all these crazy thoughts about Chris, but when I'm actually with him, I'm so awkward.

"Hey baby," He shot me a gorgeous smile. There he goes, again, being cute and perfect, when I'm trying to be mad at him!

After a few moments of silence, I was the first one to speak, "Chris. . ."

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?" I'm gonna ask him about the whole ignoring me thing. It may not be a big deal to some people, but it was really bothering me.

"Go 'head."

"How come you don't like um . .t-talk to me and stuff. .. at school," I stuttered and paused because I was so afraid to ask the question.

Chris stopped at a red light. He glanced at me. . nervously? He bit his bottom lip and the fingers on his right hand fidgeted on the wheel.

"Why does it matter?"

I looked towards the car floor as my face reddened in embarrassment. Chris was right. Why does it even matter? We weren't dating, we were barely friends, yet I was distraught about him not saying hi to me. I was getting so attached to Chris for no reason what so ever.

"Um, you're right. Thats was really stupid for me to ask. Can we just act like I didn't say that?" I pleaded.

A state of quietude filled the car but it wasn't calm or tranquil, I wanted to jump out the car! Chris didn't respond to me all the way 'till we arrived to my house.

"I wasn't tryna embarrass you or nothing by asking that. I honestly wanna know why it matters," Chris said.

"I really like you thats why," I blurted out immediately without thinking. Panic engulfed my body. Did I just say that? Oh my god, I'm the biggest idiot. Please, please let me die!

"Look at me," Chris stated. I didn't listen and kept my gaze on the floor.

"Khadijah!" His voice became gruffer and deeper. It kind of scared me, so I looked at him.

Chris moved closer to me. He was so close, I could see the freckles that adorned his skin and smell his minty breath. He grabbed my chin so I would look into his eyes.

"I like you too," he mumbled before pressing his lips onto mine.