SUNSTRUCK | outer banks ¹

ONE. (long time no see)

    The air in my lungs felt heavy as my eyes scanned each inch of Sam's face. I knew it had been six years since we saw each other but somehow it still shocked me to see how much he had aged.

The sun was rising in the sky, it was only early in the morning. I wasn't quite sure of the exact time or how long the ferry actually took to get to the island.

We stood, staring at each other, neither one of us making any sudden movement in pure fear the moment would disappear and I'd wake up. His eyes met mine and he let out his breath, a smile spreading across his face. His arms wrapped around my body as he pulled me into a hug.

"I was starting to think you'd never come to find me" He got out, pulling his arms slightly back, his grasp still tight on my shoulder. I laughed at him and shoved his arm off of me. "you know I was ten when you left, stupid" I sighed but was pulled back into another hug.

When Sam pulled away, he turned, gesturing for me to follow him into the house. I couldn't help but smile at the boy, tears welling in my eyes slightly. But for the first time in a while, they were happy tears, the happiest tears.

"I know, m' just joking," He said, he was walking behind me but his hands were on my shoulders. "why didn't you send any other letters?" I asked, feeling like a vulnerable ten-year-old girl again watching as her brother walked out of her life.

The mood in the room quickly turned, dropping the happy tone that surrounded the two of us. "what are you talking about-" Sam dropped his arms from my shoulders and I turned to face him.

His face was twisting with confusion. "-I sent you tons of letters, and a birthday card every year" His words made me freeze, all along I blamed myself for my brother leaving. Thinking I did something wrong because all he ever sent me was one letter. But all along he tried, he cared, and he loved me.

The realization set in and I got angry, red hot fury ran through my body. Yet another thing my mother and father had done. What kind of person keeps their ten-year-old daughter from receiving letters from her brother? "I never got any of them, only the first" I spoke, my hand resting on the pocket with the first letter.

Sam's eyes were filled with guilt as if it were his fault I hadn't gotten his letters. As if he could've done something more to get them to me. I hated our parents for what they had done to him, driving him away.

Sam was 15 when he left. It was right after my tenth birthday. He and our parents had argued about something but I hadn't heard much of it. That night, Sam snuck into my room before leaving.

"Laney" Sam was hushed, whispering in the ten-year-old's ear. Slightly shaking her shoulder to get her to wake up. "Laney" He whispered again, this time the young girl stirred, her eyes opening slightly. "shhh" Sam put his finger up to his mouth as he spoke.

"Never forget how much I love you Laney. We'll be together again one day I promise. And until then I'll write old-fashioned letters to you. I'm so sorry, so so sorry." Tears spilt out of the confused girl's eyes as she watched her brother choke on his own words.

"I love y-you" He cried, wrapping his arms tightly around the ten-year-old lying in her bed. Her tiny arms reached around him as well, squeezing him into a hug. She didn't truly understand what was happening but she knew this was a goodbye.

"I love you too Sammy" She let out through her tears, her hushed voice breaking his heart. He placed a kiss on her forehead and gave her one last hug before walking from the bed. He stood in the doorframe of her bedroom, watching as she rolled over and attempted to fall back asleep.

He snuck out of his window right after, leaving no trace. Taking nothing with him, not even any clothes. And he was gone.

Our parents began freaking out in the morning, so loud they woke me up. When I got out of my room and walked over to them my mother jumped down my throat.

"Do you know anything about this?" She yelled, her cold eyes staring into mine. I just tilted my head slightly pretending not to know why they were panicking. "about what mommy?" I asked, sounding sweet and innocent.

"about your brother, where he is?" She started, still staring down at me. "Do you know where he went? Did you talk to him?" My father was the one yelling at me this time.

"no, I don't know anything, daddy. I haven't seen him since yesterday at supper, why where is he?" I asked, the lies laced each word I spoke. At that exact moment, I realized how easy it was to lie. How easy it was to manipulate someone and look them in their eyes and lie.

Sam and I were sitting in his kitchen, across the table from each other. We were reconnecting, filling each other in on our lives. He had given me the tour of his house, showing me the guest bedroom.

"You know, I got a place with an extra bedroom just for you" He smiled, placing his arm around my shoulders, holding me close to his side.

"What?" I was so shocked but so happy, he really did want me to come to find him. At that moment, all of my fears of being unwanted here, and being scared vanished. All of this time he was waiting for me.

The room, even though small, had a queen-sized bed shoved into the corner along the left side of the room, and a large window that faced the front yard. A small closet and a vanity. I couldn't help but smile the biggest smile.

Although the house wasn't huge, it was my favorite place now. Because it was mine and my brothers. "Is that my longboard?" He asked, looking up from the table, his eyes landing on the board that sat next to my bag at the front door. He stood from his seat as I laughed.

Sam rushed over to the door and picked it up. "You took it with you?" His voice was soft, innocent almost. "yeah, it was your favorite thing in that house" I smiled at the boy and walked over.

"Laney, you were my favorite thing in that house" His words consumed me, and I buried my head into his chest as I hugged him, Sam immediately dropping the board down and squeezing me in his arms.

This was truly the safest and happiest I've ever felt and I knew there was nowhere else I belonged in the world than right there with my family. Even if my family is only one person. Even if it was only my brother.