𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐚 𝐘𝗼𝐮

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯

𝐃𝐮𝐫𝐡𝐚𝗺, 𝐍𝗼𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝗼𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚

I sat there looking ahead staring at the canvas that stood in front of me. I've been sitting here for a couple of minutes now trying to figure out what I wanted to paint but it seemed as if I couldn't.

I didn't have any visual.

I tried to brainstorm many ideas of what I wanted to paint but there wasn't any. This would be my third painting since I've started and I know that I couldn't just think of anything, I needed for it to be perfect.

A perfect example of what I was feeling—but I didn't know how I felt.

Lately I've been questioning myself as a person and how I needed to rejuvenate myself. The situation that happened with Ka'Jai and his girlfriend is like the only thing that's been on my mind lately.

I knew that I shouldn't have been thinking about it but I couldn't help to guard myself with thoughts and questions.

I didn't know the reason behind any of it-which is why I haven't been out or left my room since everything went down. Every time one of my friends would call me I would try to find things to occupy myself with. I would either lie and say that I was doing something or I would say I was tired and most of the time I was.

I knew none of the things that happened were any of their fault but I just needed space. I was slowly started to feel my depression come back and I didn't know how to handle it.

I felt like I was loosing myself again when I had just figured out who I was as a person. It didn't take much for me to get set back to where I was  when I first started out loving myself—but lately I haven't.

I've been feeling the total opposite of what I told myself I wouldn't let myself feel—which is feeling like I wasn't enough. It felt like everywhere I went there was something that brought me down and I couldn't control it. I couldn't help my anxiety while it got the best of me, I was just lost.

I wiped a tear that I felt slip down my face before I heard a knock at the door. I stood up from the chair that I sat in and walked out of the basement, I made my way upstairs to my room opening the door before closing it shut.

I took off my slippers before I got into my bed and laid down. I grabbed my TV remote and turned on the TV as I went to Netflix. I scrolled through the TV shows until I reached The Proud Family and clicked on it. I moved and grabbed my blanket as I adjusted myself to get comfortable before laying back down.

I laid there watching TV as I heard my phone ringing. I looked down and eyed my phone seeing Paris calling me. I grabbed my phone and I answered it, I put my phone on speaker before I laid it back down on the bed.