The Truths Behind the Life of Maeve Sun Lively

91

I THINK MY INSTINCTS KNEW better than I did. Because I somehow didn't let her come into my place. We stood at the doorway, where my hand held on to the edge of the door, somehow unwilling to let go.

The bouquet of roses in my hand began to feel awkward.

"Roses, huh?" I said, but there was a sound to my voice that showed both fear and a difficulty. I couldn't hide it, and I couldn't somehow not focus on how wrong things seemed to be sliding towards. I glanced up from the flower to meet her face. "How special is that?"

She nodded nervously, glancing on and off from my face to the wall next to her. I still haven't let her in yet.

And oddly, her body language told me she wasn't expected to be let in.

"Let me guess, did you do something incredibly wrong? Stole something? Robbed a bank? Scratched a car?" My joke wasn't funny at all. Instead, only the did you do something wrong? part hung in the air.

Maybe half a minute passed by with none of us talking.

"So you don't know yet?" She finally said; but it was more like to herself than a question asked to me.

I forced a smile on my face. "Don't know what yet?"

"Oh."

My hand on the door grew firmer as I tried to stand still. My legs wanted to fall beneath me. I stopped trying to make this moment easier. My smile wiped away as it turned into a slow frown.

"Klarise, what's going on here?"

"I..."

I waited, and if my door wasn't made of metal and rather wood, I might've dug my nails through it.

"Before I tell you this, you have to remember that I love you more than anything in the entire world. I loved you when I was sixteen, and I love you now, and if anything, I love you more and more each day."

She was beginning to get teary, and watching her, still not understanding what was going on yet, I felt my own eyes start to water.

"I know that we've fought a lot for a while, and with everything that's going on, you have it the hardest. Mason leaving you is something I should've taken more into consideration. I shouldn't have acted as though nothing happened, and blamed you when you couldn't handle everything anymore. I've been so shitty lately. To you and to everyone."

I took my hand off the hinge to wipe away the tear that ran down my cheek. The door fell, toward closing, but instead it hit the side of my feet that blocked it from shutting.

Klarise let the waterfall rain down her face, ignoring them. Her only focus was on me, and the pain and what I then realized, guilt, on her expression stabbed a whole lot at my chest.

"And yes, what I've done to everyone was horrible. But when I realized, it had felt too late, and so much of this feeling started to pile up one by one. I started picking fights with you because of this awful awareness from how I had been started to tug at me. And I know apologizing won't make what has happened and been done be taken back. But still, I wish to tell you it."

I wanted to stop crying but found it instantly impossible. My subconsciousness knew better than I did of what was going to happen, and the uneasy feeling flowed through my body.

"I'm sorry, Maeve. I messed up this time. I really fucked up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

My silent sobs turned to whimpers. Breathing became hard. I tried to catch my breath, looking around us like I could find a solution that way. The weather was extremely nice, it was a sunny afternoon. The skies were so blue, the few clouds there being so fluffy and happy-looking. My free hand went to my face, but the more I wiped, the more the tears came. My cries got sloppier and sloppier. Klarise stood there at the doorway, a step outside still, and watched me while she held her hand back that was about to soothe me. I saw it, and desperately, I wanted it to hold me. But we now—without her saying it yet—both knew that would just make this harder.