The Truths Behind the Life of Maeve Sun Lively

22

MASON FOUND ME ON THE floor when he came in my room, the door left unlocked. I was just about puddled in my own tears, a whole mess, my hands trying to cover this weak side of me. But he was Mason, how could I ever hide anything from him?

I forgot what time it was, but Mason seemed to have handled anything with the show director by a phone call. He got me in the shower, helped me clean myself up, and when I was in some thick sweatpants and sweatshirt, my tears that had dried in the bathroom washed all over me again.

I didn't know what I was really crying about. There was so much I was starting to realize about myself, forced to acknowledge of. I didn't want to face them. But I think it wasn't just one thing that was overwhelming me, it was several things.

He huddled me close and got me in my bed. He sat next to me while I had the blanket draped over my chin. I was whimpering like a little kid, and Mason felt like a mother I never had, soothing me and brushing out my wet hair with his fingers.

I expected him to ask me what happened, why I was crying, but instead, here was what he said to me:

"When you're ready to talk, I'll be here to listen."

I was so thankful, so grateful, I pulled him close to me and hugged him. It didn't feel like enough, a hug couldn't express all of what I felt for him, all of what I needed to thank him for. But I didn't really have more of myself to give. I don't think he ever left my side, but throughout his steady breathing and warm arms, I fell into a peaceful sleep, forgetting about everything, about myself, just for some time.

I HAD STAYED IN my room throughout the rest of the days until the last concert date finally drew in. That was something I couldn't avoid or run away from.

My eyes looked swollen from hours of crying and avoiding what I had to face. But it wasn't something a little bit of makeup couldn't fix.

It's really funny how when such a statement and things are made about me, Mr. Wang is the one who freaks out about it more. The article was short, yet comments piled all over it. Klarise was right, people had been talking, and it's a miracle that I haven't heard about it until she told me, until this article was written. But what was leaked was not really about me being gay, but the two of us being lovers or some sort. The two love arrows are pointed at both me and her. As Mr. Wang rambled about it over the phone, I was half agreeing. I knew he'd somehow get rid of that article, so I wasn't as worried. What worried me was Klarise. I didn't want this to affect her career, her possible path to the top eight. It came to a surprise to me that for the first time in my self-serving life, I was worried about someone else more than I was about myself.

I looked beautiful in my burgundy cocktail dress, the dark velvet red laces at my bosom was undeniably eye-holding. I could feel the men of the crew glued to me, and I grinned for the cameras.

Throughout it all, I wanted to have Mason by my side. I've grown too attached to him, and he was like the daily water I needed to have in order to survive. But I knew he couldn't be on that stage with me and when he won't be there, I have to face everything myself. So I swallowed all the dark tears and overwhelming voices down, and walked confidently down that final concert backstage as everyone was getting ready. Before I got my hands on my microphone, I spotted her faster than I ever had. And she caught my gaze just as I caught hers.

She looked so beautiful. I don't think I ever properly stopped to admire just how seamlessly attractive she was, even though it wasn't by the beauty standards. But when you're drawn to someone, no matter how they really look, in any kind of way you'd find them to be the most beautiful person in the whole planet. That was exactly how I had felt seeing her on that stage, and all the thousands of times to come when I lay eyes on her, but maybe that was the time when I was really seeing her and realizing what I felt for the first time. Feeling her eyes peering into mine even in our several feet distance, between us filled with other people, it almost felt as if we were the only ones there.