The Truths Behind the Life of Maeve Sun Lively

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CASTING WENT BY FAST, BUT the way Mary Qiu casted each person was so detailed that it felt long when it happened. She had her own reasoning and ways I didn't understand, nor did Juno or Mason. Nonetheless, no one argued, because the way she discussed about this project, it felt so, important doesn't sum it up, she talked about this with passion. It was similar to the way Mason talked about his company, and the way Klarise had talked about music. I wondered if I talked about anything like that.

On the first day of shooting, Mary had us all play a game with the other cast members and crew, something that I've never done before (And didn't want to do but Mason would have insisted). We got to know each other, even though I was dozing off at times and not paying much of any attention. When that was finally out of the way and Mary seemed satisfied, we got to shooting.

Mason sometimes visited set, though he was pretty busy. But most of the time Cameron came since he had a freer schedule. Around those days of filming Stella Bella, I sometimes wondered if he even took on any films.

So far, filming was easy. The stuff we did, it was mostly some conversational things. I was nervous, and the hate that had filled me up in Mary's study evaporated quickly, I was starting to wonder if I made the right choice or not. Was this a way of coming out to the world? Was it? Was I on the tip of ruining my career instead of breaking through like what Mary said this film would do? I didn't know, and the infinite possibilities terrified me. Stability is something we never realize is so precious until we have not a single idea of what might hit us.

"You look like you're about to puke," Cameron tosses me a bottle of water I barely manage to catch, taking the folded seat next to mine.

"Where's Mason?" Ignoring his comment, I uncapped the bottle and took several sips. I was on an unannounced break, since somehow I was only needed to film two scenes that day. I was waiting for the girl playing opposite me, also Stella's lover, to finish up the scene she was filming. And then after that I could finally leave out of that hell hole because the patience in me was growing thin as the days passed. It was bugging me, I knew it, the thought of playing someone that was gay and knowing the film will come out for the world to see.

"With Juno probably."

I gazed past the canopy tent in front of us and the scene they were shooting, behind the camera and in a folded seat that read Gallapher/Director while mine read Sun Lively/Stella, sat Juno.

Cameron follows my gaze and instead of what might any other person do like become embarrassed or apologize, he laughs. "Well I guess he's off somewhere else. That Juno's not at."

I exhale an exaggerated sigh and let my head fall backwards, my dyed auburn hair for this film falling over the chair's back.

"Jeez, Maeve, it's not like you'll die without him. Sometimes if I didn't know you were gay I'd say you were in love with him."

The moment the word gay comes out of his mouth, my head shoots upward, alert, I looked around us in swifts of motion to see if anyone was near. No one was. But still.

"Crap, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that out loud." His laugh lines disappeared, and I felt my heart half-pounding against my chest. It felt like one of those moments at night when you think you're falling and you burst awake out of fear and what comes after it is exhaustion. That was exactly how it had felt.

"Just...don't do it again." I slowly sink back into my chair, not wanting to meet his eyes.

He left after that, said he was buying a drink outside and will wait for me in the car after. It was an obvious lie, he was not buying a drink out at where we were shooting, which was crowded with people and a hotspot for paparazzis. Who knows though, maybe he really was getting a drink. Or he just needed to get away from me like everyone else. Like how Klarise had and so many others.