Childish

3

Kelsey and Robert lived in a house similar to what my parents and I lived in when we first moved to Alpine. It had two bedrooms but only one bathroom and it was connected to the master bedroom so I had no access to it. Not like I needed it for anything.

My room was small but held everything a baby would need. A crib sat against the wall opposite the door, a changing table with drawers sat against the wall to the right, and a toy chest sat to my left. A fluffy pink rug tied the room together. It was pretty but I didn't want to be there.

"Lyla, here's your bedroom. There are some toys in the toy box if you want to pick one to play with." She set me down on the floor in front of her.

I crawled over to the large chest and pushed it open. It looked like they had gone to a toy store and picked one of everything to put in the chest. There were stuffed animals and baby dolls and Barbies to choose from.

There was a stuffed bear lying at the bottom of the chest. It was a plain bear with a white bow tied around its neck. It was a brown bear with black eyes. It made me miss my bear.

"Do you want to play with the bear, sweetie?"

I reached out for her but didn't say anything. My pacifier was still in my mouth.

She lifted me back into her arms and looked down at the bear tucked between my arm and my side. "You like the teddy bear? Are you going to give him a name?"

I shook my head. I never liked naming my stuffed animals.

"That's alright. Let me change your diaper and then we can play downstairs." She walked over to the changing table and laid me down on the soft material.

She was more gentle as she changed my diaper than Alex normally was. It seemed like she knew what she was doing which worried me slightly. Did she have another kid that I didn't know about it?

She dropped my sweatpants into a hamper beside the changing table before picking me up once more. She carried me down the steps and into the living room. There was a Christmas tree in one corner, close to where a fireplace was. There were two gray couches facing a tv that hung on the wall. It felt like a real home and not some prison that I was being forced to live in. But I didn't feel like it was my home yet.

I pulled the pacifier from my mouth. "Can I have something to drink?"

She set me down on the carpet. "I'll go get you something. Stay here, baby."

I watched her leave before I sat back against the couch. I wanted to like being there with them. I wanted to feel at home with them. But they weren't my family. I wasn't sure that time would help with that feeling either.

I wanted to be with my parents. I wanted to go for car rides and go out for dinner. I wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas and our birthdays. I wanted to enjoy being a family.

But that was long gone.

Even being with Alex seemed far-fetched. Would I ever get to see him again? As much as I hated him and as annoying as he was, I missed him. I missed being with him and yelling at him over something stupid.

Things were changing too fast and far too frequently for my liking and there was nothing I could do about it.

Kelsey walked into the room with something large tucked into her arm. She had a baby bottle in the other hand that looked to be filled with formula.

I sighed as she set it on the coffee table in front of me. She unfolded a playpen a few feet away from me. The sides had a net of sorts that I could see through.

Without missing a beat, she lifted me off the floor and put me inside the playpen. She handed me the bottle.

"I'm going to go help daddy with dinner. I'll be in the next room over if you need us."

After she had walked away, I curled into a ball over the soft material inside the playpen. I was tired of being pushed around. I was tired of not getting a choice in what happened to me. It was my life.

A tear slipped down my cheek and I buried my face in the teddy bear. I hated feeling like I was losing control of my life. I hated feeling so afraid all of the time. Someone else was making all of the decisions for me and it left me feeling left out and confused.

I just wanted my life back to how it was before all of this mess.