Childish

7

Kelsey leaned over the side of the crib and ran her fingers through my hair. Her warm brown eyes looked down at me, studying every move I made. From the way my eyelids fluttered to the soft exhale that left my lips every few seconds. She lingered there for several seconds before she put her hand on my shoulder and gently shook me.

I dug my small fingers into the fur of the stuffed bear that was tucked against my chest. My knees were pulled close to my chest. I was warm and comfortable under the blanket and didn't want to wake up.

She pushed the railing down and lifted me off the mattress. I wined in protest, holding my bear tight so I could keep some of my comfort. She held me against her chest and patted my back.

"Honey, it's mommy. Don't cry."

I pictured mom holding me as a little girl. Her arms wound tight around me, holding me so close that nothing could separate us. When I cried, she'd be there to comfort me and calm me down. She knew what I needed and when.

Kelsey wasn't that. She was the reason for my tears and sadness. She made me feel awkward and out of place when I should have felt at home. I knew they wanted me to get used to Kelsey and Robert being my parents but that wasn't going to happen.

I squeezed my eyes shut and thought of Alex. I really wanted him to be okay. We didn't think his father knew as much as he did. I was sure he wasn't going to just punish me and not Alex.

I didn't know what more I could do. I'd already called Monica. If she was on our side, she would have found Alex and saved him. I knew it wouldn't be easy. But if she was on our side, she'd help us no matter what.

Kelsey carried me to the changing table and laid me down on my back.

A thought popped into my head as she was changing me. I stared at the bear I was holding, trying not to seem suspicious. "Am I gonna go to school?"

Kelsey looked up at me as she taped my diaper together. "I didn't think you liked school."

"I like to play."

"You can play here. There's plenty of toys for you to play with."

I shook my head as she helped me sit up. "There's no kids, mommy."

"That's what your imagination's for." She tapped my nose with her index finger.

"It's not the same."

"Well, I play with you. And daddy does when he's home, too."

I sighed. "You guys don't get me."

She laughed. "What do you mean we don't get you?"

"You're not... little like me. You guys don't know how to play like I do sometimes."

"Maybe I can schedule a play date so you have someone you age to play with."

I hated the idea of a play date when mom recommended it and I hated it even more when Kelsey brought it up. I didn't like the thought of dumbing myself down just to play. Everything about the playdate was stupid. But it meant someone would be coming over and I could tell them what was going on. Maybe the kid's parents would help me. Maybe I could finally get back to Alex.

"Okay."