Childish

54

Ms. Diane came up with a plan for me to get more acquainted with all the kids in the class. Since everyone was treated like a baby, it was hard to do group activities together. But she said she wanted to try it and see what happened.

Surprisingly, she thought music was a good idea. She got out several toy drums, some bells, and the thing where you run the stuck over a bumpy surface and it makes noise. I hadn't seen most of those instruments in years. It reminded me just how long it had been since I was an actual baby.

The room was loud, to say the least. The kid beside me was bigger than me in size but still slobbered and drooled on everything. He had one of the drums and was banging on it loud enough that it felt like my ears were ringing.

"Cassie, shake your bells. Show me how loud you can get." Ms. Quinn said to the girl to her right. The girl, Cassie, had a pink pacifier in her mouth.

She shook the bells in her hand before she began banging them on the floor.

Watching all of the kids make music with their instruments reminded me of how different I was from them. I wanted to try making friends and playing with them but it was hard when I knew how to read and do math equations and say long words and they couldn't do any of that. I wasn't sure Alex or Monica realized that even though, to me, it was blatantly obvious.

I tried my hardest to blend in with the rest of the kids. I pushed away all the thoughts I had that told me I was stupid for doing such an immature thing and just tried to have fun. Playing with toys and acting like a baby wasn't that painful.

I just had to keep reminding myself of that because it was easy to forget.

Ms. Diane gently nudged me with her elbow. "Are you having fun yet, Lyla?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm participating. Don't ask for anything more."

She laughed. She shook the bells in her hand in my direction and got me to laugh.

I knew that if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be able to survive the kids in the classroom. She knew how I felt about my situation and she knew how to cheer me up. Even on rough days, she knew what made things better. Having her beside me while we played with the instruments definitely helped me relax and try to ease into the activity more.

The day went by faster when Ms. Diane found things for me to do. I found myself playing by myself again but it was easier to invite the other kids to play with me or to join in. They struggled with sharing their toys but I was used to that. If I wanted something, I just had to take it from them and they'd cry before getting over it. It wasn't the best method but I didn't have to think like an adult so it didn't even matter.

Ty came to pick me up from school that day. I was slowly getting used to being with them but it still didn't make me want to go home any less. I was missing Alex and Naomi and it only got worse the longer I was away from them.

When we didn't turn in the direction of their home, I knew something was up. They just hadn't said what was going on.

Ty turned into the parking lot of the grocery store and I raised my eyebrows.

"Lyla, we only need to get a few things for dinner." Monica's voice came from the front seat.

"You're not going to leave me in here, are you?"

She laughed. "Of course not. We'll take you with us."

I set my bear on the seat beside me as Ty pulled into a parking spot. I waited for him to walk around to my side of the car and unbuckle me from my car seat. He lifted me out and held me on his hip as we headed to the entrance of the store.

It was weird going grocery shopping without Alex. We usually went on Saturdays unless he needed something sooner. I wasn't used to just sitting in the cart and watching them shop. But it gave me a chance to see what kind of people they were.

Ty was caring and kind. He liked to make people happy but it didn't seem like he was a people pleaser. Monica was smart. She knew how to make difficult decisions that were best for the people around her. She cared about Alpine, even as crazy and strange as it was.

They were good for each other and I hoped they knew that.