Childish

52

When I was going through a lot or couldn't stop thinking about things, Ms. Diane was the comfort I needed. Any time I had a question or a problem, she was able to help me through it and make things better. After my conversation with Monica, I couldn't wait to see her.

She didn't say much when Ty and Monica dropped me off but by the way she was looking at me, I could tell that she knew something was up.

She waited until after breakfast before she decided to talk to me about what was going on. She walked over to where I was playing on the floor and sat down in front of me. "Lyla, can we talk?"

I set the wooden blocks down and looked up at her. "I guess."

"Did Naomi have her baby?"

I nodded. "Monica told me she had the baby late last night."

"Oh, that's great, Lyla. Do you know what she had?"

"A boy."

"Do you know when you get to see him?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. They aren't really telling me much."

"How does that make you feel, Lyla?"

"Are you my therapist now?"

She smiled. "Well, you talk to me about all of your problems so I think I am."

"That's because you make me. I don't have a choice."

"Not with me, you don't. Now, tell me how you're feeling about all of this."

I sighed and looked down at the blocks. "I feel like I'm left out. I know I haven't been excited about all of this baby stuff but I'm a part of this family, too. I want to be included."

"Have you told Alex or Naomi that?"

"No."

"Try talking to Monica. See if she'll take you to see the baby."

"I don't know. They keep telling me that I'm just a baby so I shouldn't worry about any adult stuff. I just... I feel like that leaves me behind. Cause I'm the only baby."

"I understand where Alex is coming from when he says this but at the same time, you have every right to know what's going on, whether you understand it or not."

"There's something else that's bothering me and I wanna know what you think I should do."

"Okay."

"Monica... yelled at me last night. She said that I'm blaming Alex too much for... for what happened to me. She pretty much told me to get over it and move on. What do you think I should do?"

"Are you still upset about what happened?"

I rolled my eyes. "Duh. Wouldn't you be?"

She smiled. "I think this is the better question to ask though. Can you change what happened to you? Can you go back in time and make it never happen?"

I hesitated. I knew what she was getting at and I didn't like admitting the answer. "No."

"Then maybe it's time you move on. I know you'll never get over your feelings about it and that pain will never go away but you can move forward and focus on better things ahead. Don't let this keep weighing on you because it'll only get heavier."

I picked at a string on my dress. She had a point and I hated to even agree about it. I didn't like feeling like I was in the wrong or anything I did was wrong. I was upset and I'd never stop being upset. But, like Ms. Diane said, I could change how I reacted to it and move on with my life. I had to if I wanted to make friends and get comfortable with my life.

"Is there anything else on your mind?" She asked in a soft voice.

"Yeah. Can you help me make friends?"

---

I had a hard time sleeping knowing that Alex wasn't going to pick me up after school that day. He'd been doing it for so long that it was hard to let anyone else do it in his place. I had serious trust issues as it was that this only made things worse.

Ty was the one to come pick me up after school. He talked with Ms. Diane as he grabbed my things before she came to wake me up.

I'd slept in her arms as she rocked in the rocking chair for most of nap time. It was only within the last half hour that she moved me to my crib.

Ms. Diane picked me up and rubbed her hand up and down my back. "Lyla, it's time to go home. Ty's here to pick you up."

I shook my head against her.

"You can't stay here all night."

"I'm sleepy."

"You can sleep in the car." She chuckled and handed me over to Ty, prying my hands off her sweater. "Ty's ready to go home, sweetie."

Ty fixed the strap of the diaper bag. "See you tomorrow, Diane."

I whined and reached behind him. "My bear."

"I can't believe I almost forgot it."

Ms. Diane met us halfway as she handed over my bear to Ty. He handed it to me.

"That bear is her best friend. She couldn't live without it." I knew Ms. Diane didn't mean to offend me with what she said but I couldn't help the feeling I got from her words. But I was working on making friends so I knew it wouldn't be long.

"Thanks. We'll see you tomorrow." Ty walked out of the classroom and started down the hall. The sun peaked in through the windows as we passed, reminding me of how early the sun sat anymore.

"Have you talked to A-my daddy lately?"

He opened the door and walked out onto the sidewalk. The cold air hit me and I leaned closer to him. "He said the baby and Naomi are doing well. They're getting released tomorrow."

"Does that mean I can go home?"

He smiled as he unlocked the car and opened the back door. "I'm afraid not. Alex and Naomi asked that we keep you for a few days after they get home so they have time to adjust."

"Shouldn't I be there while they're adjusting?" Taking care of two kids was more difficult than just one. Especially considering we were both babies.

"They need a few days with the baby. Then you can join them."

I sighed. He set me in my car seat and began buckling me in. "So I'll be intruding on the three of them."

He chuckled, clearly not seeing the sadness written on my face. "If they felt that way, they would have asked us to take you in permanently."

"Would you have said yes if they did ask?"

He stepped back so he could shut the door. "Maybe."