swim || remus lupin

alice

When Alice was little her dad built her a little playhouse in the backyard.

When she was upset or angry or just had a day, Alice would take a handful of sweets and gather all of her pets and go out to the playhouse. She would stay there, reading the newest muggle fantasy books that her aunt had sent her, for hours and hours. Her pets curled up around her, knowing there was no getting out when Alice had a day, her book in her lap, maybe some tears running down her face, and the final candy wrapper in her fingers. She liked the way the metallic plastic would crinkle as she moved it, the motion and sound soothed her.

Now that she was older, she could not fit comfortably in the little playhouse, nor did she need to. Since coming to Hogwarts, she no longer felt the need to hide away.

Her first night, Alice cried. She was terrified of this new school, with roaming ghosts and large corridors and moving staircases. She pulled her curtains and buried her face away, wishing she could run home and go to a different school.

Almost instantly, her curtains were thrown aside and four girls stood around her. Marlene was the first to speak, with a very blunt "What's wrong?" that almost made Alice laugh. Lily said nothing, but sat in her bed with a very warm face that seemed to promise she would listen. The third girl was Dorcas, who did a little spell that made fun swirly lights. Then Mary, the fourth, sat on her bed as well and wiped her tears away.

As the years went on, Marlene and Dorcas had a bit of a falling out, and Mary moved off to Beauxbatons, but Lily and Marlene were always there. When they found out that Frank had cheated in fifth year, Marlene practically ripped Alice's curtains off to make sure she wasn't crying in secret, and it had almost made Alice laugh.

She no longer felt the need to hide because she wasn't allowed to. Her friends forced her to stay transparent, and she had grown to like it.

But now, as she sat in an uncomfortably hard chair, in an uncomfortably white room, with an uncomfortable sick smell, Alice found herself missing the little playhouse. She found she was having a day.

Alice had been the one to realize something was wrong. When Sydney came to the room, rushed and breathless, Alice knew she was hiding something. When Sydney left in a hurry, Alice had peeked out the window to see if she was, in fact, with Remus. She was not.

Alice knew that privacy was important, but since coming to Hogwarts, she had been taught to to rip away the curtains and face your feelings.

So, when she saw Sydney wading into the Great Lake, when she saw Theo depart from the water's edge with a grin, when Sydney didn't resurface, Alice said something. And she was more than relieved that she did.

"Syd would have made you get her a hot chocolate," Marlene had said. And it was true.

She had not known Sydney long, but she knew she was family. She knew Sydney always wore one of her dad's old sweatshirts or tshirts to bed, until she received one of Remus's. She knew Sydney hated her robes because they felt too 'churchy', and that she didn't know how to tie a tie. She knew Sydney was self conscious about her scars and was glad that winter was approaching with pants and long sleeves. She knew that Sydney hated coffee and loved chocolate.

And so, as she sat in that hard chair, in that white room, with that sick smell, Alice fiddled with an empty chocolate wrapper.

And it did not soothe her.

And she really wanted to hide.