swim || remus lupin

make it to me

I shot awake with a sharp intake of air, like I had been startled by something.

I'm just like her.

Or, maybe, because I had been startled by something.

"Shh," Remus whispered, his fingertips brushing down the side of my face. "You're okay."

I sank into him, letting off the breath I had inhaled so harshly, letting off the panic from when I had woken up, letting off the image of that room.

But I couldn't let off the feeling of Theresa's hand slipping through mine. I couldn't let off the way she dropped to the floor like a rock. I couldn't let off the look in her eyes, brown like chocolate and wide like saucers, when she trusted me to get her out of that room.

She'll never get out of that room.

She'll never get out of that room because of me.

"I killed her," I said, my voice hardly cracking a whisper. "It's my fault."

Remus's thumb stopped moving across my face and I could almost picture the way his eyebrows would knit together with only creases of a frown in between. I could almost picture the way the corners of his mouth would push slightly tighter and then down. I could almost feel his heartbeat skip.

"Who?" He asked quietly.

"Theresa... The Muggle from that house."

Remus took a slow breath before carefully sliding upwards and taking me with him.

In one hand, his fingers slid through my own and I could feel the cold metal from his pinky ring brush between my fingers.

It felt a lot like the cold metal from Theresa's engagement ring.

It was likely early afternoon now, considering the fact that even with the curtains pulled tightly, muffled golden light washed over the tan walls of our room, washed over Remus.

I wished the light would wash over me, too.

Remus's honeyed eyes dove into mine as if searching for what to say, as if searching for how I felt, as if searching for why my gaze fell to stare so intently at our interlocked fingers.

With his free hand, Remus lifted my cheek back to face him. I rested my head in his palm and a small tear slipped away and trailed down my skin until it connected with his.

"It's not your fault," he said.

"I screamed," I replied. "When Theo used the Cruciatus Curse on you... And that Death Eater turned around and killed her."

"Snape," Remus said quietly.

"What?"

"The Death Eater," he clarified. "The one that killed that Muggle... Theresa... It was Snape."

I lifted my head up slightly and Remus's hand slid down so that his fingers rested carefully around my jawline.