Desperate ~ Calum Hood (au)

43

(Play Ed sheeran - Give me love //wattpad is being a b**ch rn)

*

As she lay there she stared at the small package of drugs in her grasp, now gently sobbing as her fingers began uncurling the small transparent packet from her palm, watching as it slipped onto the tiled floor and out of her hand.

The room was inaudibly silent and all she wanted to do was lay there and hope that somehow she could just disappear into thin air, out of Calum's life and everyone else's lives that she had ruined.

She thought about all of the different men she had slept with, all of the marriages she had helped to break, all of the cheaters she helped to please and all of the criminals she helped to pleasure.

But what did that make her?

Just as bad as them....or worse?

'Drowning? maybe that would be the easier option' she thought to herself, unaware that she had whispered it.

She pushed herself up enough so she could turn and look at the bathtub, contemplating on how she could do it and how she would be able to do it without ruining anymore lives.

But then her mind wandered back to him....Calum

Would he miss her if she was gone?

Would he feel something for her that nobody else would?

She believed in her mind that her suicide would be unfair to Calum, because he first deserved an apology, he deserved to be told how much he meant to her so much so that when the time would come for her....she could end it knowing that he knew the truth about her feelings towards him.

That when she was gone he would feel no remorse over the arguments they have had and he could carry on with his life. He could carry on with his band, making new music and travelling the world and she would no longer be a burden on his shoulders....or anyone else's for that matter.

She knew what she had to do.

And so she picked herself up off the floor, holding onto the sink basin for support as her unsteady legs attempted to support her. The first thing she did was throw up all over the clean white sink, feeling the bile rise up and burn the sensitive layer of skin around her throat.

She looked up at her reflection in the mirror, but this time she did not feel sorry for who she saw but disgusted.

She turned on the faucet and rinsed her mouth once, turning it back off and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand before briskly exiting the room and heading towards the bed, finding fresh clothes to wear and rushing to put them on, throwing the old garments on the floor around her and pulling out any random pair of shoes to wear, hurriedly slipping them on just as her eyes caught something by the door.

The bouquet of roses.

She hesitantly walked over to them and picked them up, examining them as her eyes became glassy and she tried her hardest to keep her tears from falling. She inhaled deeply and released a deep sigh, still gripping the bouquet in her hand as she gathered all the money she had left forcing it into her pocket, grabbed her room key and made a swift exit through the door, praying to God as she made her way down the stairs in a rush that Calum would still be there and he would listen to reason.

She needed his forgiveness, she needed him to understand why she did it all..but most importantly..

She needed him to know how much she really loved him.

*

*

She practically ran through the streets as fast as she could, panting as the harsh rain fell down upon her and dampened her clothes, ruined her hair and practically destroyed the flowers still held tightly within her grasp.

On making it to their building she noticed several fans gathered under a shelter by the main entrance but opted out for heading straight in after the altercations that had happened before.

So she searched for another entrance and crept her way around the back, sneaking underneath the barrier of the car park and hurriedly walking towards the back entrance into the building, following behind a woman and her young child, faking friendliness as they made their way into the building together and took the elevator up onto the ground floor.

Of course she stayed on, avoiding the lobby as she pushed the button to take her up to the fourth floor. Her heart beat began rapidly increasing and her foot tapped impatiently against the floor as the elevator continued to take her up.

The bell dinged and she exited, turning left and right, trying to remember what room he was in as she scanned the different numbers on the doors, briskly walking down the hallway.

Eventually she found it and stopped.

With her hair dripping wet and her fresh clothes dampened and destroyed, her blood shot eyes feeling tired and weak from the alcohol mixed with tears, he burnt throat and now basically destroyed flowers in her gasp she raised her left arm and knocked on the door twice.

Watching as the handle began to move and slowly...the door creaked open.

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I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG
IT WAS HARD AND STILL IS
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR STILL READING.
WILL HOPEFULLY HAVE THE NEXT ONE UP SOONER <3
WHO ANSWERED THE DOOR?
-S