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(32) "So How Y'all Doing..." "We're Dead."

Title: "So How Y'all Doing..." "We're Dead"
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Ship: X
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Request: X
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Pronoun: They/Them
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Summary: Y/n temporarily phases into the afterlife as a means of checking up on whoever dies. So when they enter with Wilbur, Mexican Dream, and Schlatt dead...well, let's just say it really ain't pretty.
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Other:
•< Y/n...for plot, is like the manager of the Afterlife...sort of.

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        Y/n blinked as they phased into the room. Wilbur and Schlatt stared at them, their swords against each other but their sudden arrival stopped them from murdering each other for the fifth time today. They looked around at the trashed area, the place the ghosts were residing in was like a very clean home, usually there was a table, separate rooms, etc. Now that the fight had once more broken out, the entire area had things thrown around or broken.

        "Ah! Just the people I was looking for." They materialized a clipboard and a stack of papers, Mexican Dream rolled over from laying on the floor in the corner to avoid being stabbed by either Schlatt or Wilbur, whenever that happened, it just didn't feel good. Then again, being stabbed doesn't exactly do wonders for your health. He nudged in the duo's direction and silently asked for them to stop Schlatt and Wilbur from killing each other.

        "What the fu-" Wilbur began before Schlatt bodyslammed him and stood over Wilbur as Y/n walked forward while flipping through the papers, ignoring the fight going on in front of them. Either they were ready to get beat up or they had some really strong priorities.

"Please, I don't want to have to resurrect him again, anyway, I need you guys to fill out this paperwork, it's just some insurance I can collect for your deaths." They held out a pen and the paperwork like they'd just applied for a job.

        "We're dead, why do you need our signatures? And what do you mean by you resurrecting him? Also there's insurance???" Schlatt questioned as Wilbur flipped him off while laying on the ground in pain from hitting the floor.

"I'm the one who gave you guys this place that you guys...also trashed for the fifth time, and I make sure you have enough soul kept contained so you could plausibly be revived." They answered with disdain, using their finger to seemingly manipulate the objects telepathically. They put the various tables and chairs back together and in place while they spoke.

        "Be revived?!" Wilbur shot up upon hearing their words, ignoring the pain.

"Well..Maybe....Yes. It would need to be someone in the Overworld that isn't dead yet for you to be revived, so far half of that one-" Y/n pointed at Wilbur as Schlatt signed the papers he'd been given hesitantly, "-has been revived and getting along well with the rest. Someone tried it and only finished half of the resurrection, so the better parts of you are in the Overworld."

        "What?!" All three of them screamed, Wilbur grinned like a madman, the other two didn't seem to like the prospect of Mr.ExplodeL'Manburg being revived.

"Can you finish reviving me?!" He asked, signing the papers eagerly, hoping to get on their good side as a result.

"Oh no! I can't, I'm basically a god, so I'm technically not mortal." Y/n laughed, taking the papers back and looking through them.

        "So....Who revived me?" He asked, trying to keep his mind from going insane again over the thought of being revived back to a Schlatt free and chaos filled L'Manburg.

"Oh....I don't know who has the books anymore, I think the one in prison had it, then the children had it...Uh, yeah, that's all I know." They shrugged, and disintegrated the clipboard into ashes, a window opened and sucked them away into nothingness. When Mexican Dream had died first, it was a void, you would just keep falling forever, after about a year of being a dead soul, he had landed on the ground of a house with a note saying:

You'll have some visitors soon. Sorry it took so long for arrangements, usually people aren't the ones that die, have fun and enjoy the solitude while it lasts.

        "How'd you do that?!" Wilbur jumped, Mexican Dream picked up a spoon and tried the same thing, it didn't work so he set it down and was confused too.

"I told you, I'm basically a god. I can control people's afterlives...Thanks for the correct signatures, anyway, I'll be leaving you." They turned away and began walking to the same rift type rip in reality that they'd used to arrive here.

        "Wait! Can you answer some questions for us at least?!" Schlatt said, Y/n turned back and mentally sifted through their schedule, they weren't all that busy besides updating the collection of lives everyone had back in the Overworld.

"....Well, let's see about the questions alright, shoot." Y/n sat down patiently.

        "One....Do you know everyone's deaths?" Wilbur asked.

"I suppose you could consider it knowing everyone's deaths, after MD died first, I've begun making everyone's living spaces for their afterlives." They explained, materializing a thick book and flipping through the pages to look at all the selected options for optimal comfort in the afterlife, "Of course, I don't know when people die. That's a different job, I do know what order people will go in."

        "Who's the next death." Schlatt demanded, hand twitching like he wanted to snatch the book but in the face of someone that controlled his life here in the void, maybe he wasn't so inclined to make a bad impression.

"You'd be surprised, and I can't tell you either. That would be against my protocol and I'd be in eternal punishment or whatever people believe is a punishment for telling a soul how death works and what order people are going to die in." Y/n grinned, snapping the book shut as Mexican Dream tried to take a peek at who was the next name.

        "What do you mean by souls?" He asked, moving over to Wilbur and Schlatt's side of the table.

"Well. Everyone has a soul, it's not for religion or anything so wipe that thought about it being some stupid redemption option, it's basically just your entire life in a nutshell. If I wanted to, I could send you regardless of your moral leanings to punishment for gods, but that would cost me to go there too. I can only punish or reward people according to what they did in their life. Thankfully the criteria is...loose, but I can't expect to deviate too much from the standard consequences."

       "Wilbur and Schlatt, you two would be in the void forever as consequences for what you did when you were alive, but I managed to lessen your sentences." Mexican Dream threw up his hands in triumph, "I wasn't that bad of a person, woo!"

        "Alright, time's up. I've got to go get another soul. Another note, you guys have years in this afterlife for a few days in the mortal world, so when I take this next soul to the afterlife, you guys could be two hundred years old." Y/n added, snapping their fingers and disappearing.

        The room rearranged itself like invisible servants were working at x200 speed, cleaning, replacing, and even tossing things out the window into the void. Soon, the room was completely back to normal besides the new silence from the information they'd received.

        "I know who's going to die next." MDream said finally as soon as he thought it was safe, no one to hear him especially not when he could get Y/n sent to eternal damnation or something.

"What?! Isn't that grounds for getting Y/n punished?" Wilbur asked, though ready to find out, he didn't exactly care for Y/n to be honest, he barely knew who they were, so he didn't mind breaking their rules and condemning them.

"It's either Tommy or Tubbo...I saw the name, Y/n specifically held the book open for me, they said they could tell anyone, so they let me see who was going to die. They figured out a loophole and purposely let me know...And Wilbur, your name is much later in the book, you're not supposed to be here right now." He relayed.

"So...I'm going to be resurrected...."