Bleeding Love

Chapter 76

Damon

Present Day

"I-I hope one day you can forgive me for that night" I said to her remembering the night I held my gun at her. I can never forgive myself for that. "I already did, Damon. Long time ago and you know it. It's just seeing your gun -" "brought the memories back. You have forgiven me but hadn't forgotten yet" I completed what she was saying. "I never think I could ever forget that" she said "Me neither " I could never get over the fact that I could be that horrible. That even for a slightest second I thought of killing them, and not hurting her in like a punishment but actually wanting to fire the bullet at her.

She hugged me and I kissed her head. I kept her close to me as I thought about everything that happened since that night

Three years ago

I woke up with a terrible headache. On the floor with the pillow and the blanket? That's strange. But then my eyes went to her, and I know how I have the pillow and covers. The broken glass wasn't there and neither were my shoes. My gun too wasn't on the floor. I looked at her sleeping sitting over there. The headache was too much but the pain of what I did was much more. I saw dried tears on her face and wanted to shoot myself with that gun. How? How it happened? How I held my gun at her. If she hadn't slapped me, what would I have done. If I didn't pass out after her slap, what would I have done. Could I have actually shot her?

No! I can't. I mean it was just a threat to scare her, wasn't it? I wrapped her with the duvet, at least whatever I could wrap her with one hand and went to shower. I need a break from these emotions that I am feeling right now.

When I came out I saw her awake. I saw her smiling looking that the duvet. Can anyone have that big of a heart to forgive what I did last night? Can I even look at her, guess not because I turned my face as she realized I came out of the bathroom.

"Where is my gun?" Its the first thing I said because it's the only thing that came to my mind to break the silence and yet not give my guilt away. "Why you want to try again?" She commented moving towards the drawers. "I am not aborting the baby" she said taking out the gun and I let out a breath of relief. Thank God. I would be better off dead if I would have made her go through this. "I am leaving" She said out of the blue. I thought she might have to go to her gynecologist maybe or maybe shopping so I thought to tell her that John won't be available. She generally takes him and last night was crazy "Where to? Take someone else, John must be still sleeping" I told her, but then what I heard kind of spun my world "I-I meant I am leaving home, leaving you. I don't need any driver." She said. I couldn't say anything, she is leaving me. How could she. No, she can't leave me. She is mine. She will always be mine. Even if I kill her I won't let her go.

I held her elbow. My rage caught up with me again. I couldn't let her go. The fact that she even thought about leaving me was making me loose my brain. "You are not going anywhere." I told her trying to control my anger. "I am. Why won't I?" She pushed me over the edge with her reply. "Because I said so." I pulled her closer. I was hurting her even more and the whimper that escaped her lips proved that I am doing a good job. "You think you can defy me. It's not in you Doll to disobey me and you know it." My anger got the best of me and made me hurt her even more. "I did once. You go everyday to the hospital to see the reminder of that." But what she said hurt much more than the physical pain that I was giving her at the moment. I lost my patience resulting in slapping her. I couldn't control when she mentioned Ric. I need to end this conversation before I became more hurtful.

"YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, End of discussion" I said making every word loud and clear and stepped away from her only to control myself before I tear her apart even more. "But you don't want me anymore, why you want me to stay when you --" I do want you. It can never be that I don't want. I love you too much to let you go, you-" I said grabbing her jaw making her look at me. Why does she always think that, doesn't she know I am crazy for her. I am so addicted to her. I can kill her but can never let her go. I made that clear to her long time ago "But you don't want my child" she said. Child, again the child. Only I know how much I want that child. Its her baby, our baby, how can I not want it, I always wanted my child. I just don't feel that I would be enough. What kind of a father will I be if I can't protect my baby. The thoughts kept grasping me while I took my gun to leave the room. I can't look in her eyes.