Never In A Million Years

Chapter Thirty-Two

"Lili," my mom calls from downstairs. "The door's for you. Come down here."

Assuming it's Drew, I drag myself out of my bed and walk out the door. I wrap my arms around myself as I descend the staircase to keep away the cold. I look up, and find someone I was not expecting at my doorstep.

Caleb.

I immediately turn around where I am and start walking away.

"No, wait! Please-" Caleb says.

His hand folds around my wrist pulling me back.

"Let go of me," I say quietly.

"No," he says. "Not until you listen to me."

"I don't need to listen to you," I say. "Do you know what you did to me?" Then I laugh coldly. "Of course you do. You wanted this to happen."

"I didn't... I mean, I... I messed up," he says, shaking his head and looking away.

"Messed up...?" I ask. "On several occasions or just this once? Because all the evidence points towards there being a purpose to what happened."

"I need to fix this. I've never seen you like this," Caleb sighs. "That boy did something to you. He made you a happier person. Happier than I've ever seen you."

I stare at him blankly.

"And I realize now," he says, sucking in a breath. "I was jealous."

I blink once. Again. "What?"

"I have had a crush on you since the fifth grade, Lili," he sighs again, eyes diverting. "And I guess I felt like when you found someone else it was because I wasn't good enough. I was mad. Mad that I never had the chance to tell you how I really felt."

I don't know what to say to that. All these revelations are too much for me.

"When you started dating Brendan it sent me over the edge," he says with a hint if bitterness in his voice. "He was, and still is, every girl's dream man. And knowing that you were his dream girl was difficult for me."

There are no words to describe my shock. Caleb, I never thought... This is just so unexpected.

"And I knew that Shelby didn't like you two together either... So in midst of my rage, I talked to her about working together to drag you two apart. Do you know what she told me? She said, 'Looks like this might be your only chance at her. Go for it.' And I did. I invaded your space and my plan worked better than I ever expected."

He really was the first one to suggest breaking up Brendan and I. I can't believe it.

"And you changed. I realized how different you always were when you were dating him. And I knew and I know that you two are supposed to be together. I ruined that," he says the last part quietly. "I'm so sorry."

I stay silent for a long time, thinking over his words. It all falls on me like in a shock.

"I'm going to fix this," is all he says.

"He already hates me," I whisper. "There's nothing you can do to change that."

"I have to," he says. "I've already got the role of worst best friend ever. I need to at least fix what I've wrecked. You don't know how sorry I am."

There is no response from me. I don't even know what a possible response to that would be.

So Caleb turns around as walks through the front door that's still hanging open, a concentrated look on his face.

What just happened?

*•*•*

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm confused and angry and sad and tired. I feel like crap. I probably look like crap, too.