One Step Ahead part I | Sirius Black

Chapter 117

Sirius stares out of the window, counting the snowflakes that dance just in front of his eyes.

Despite the snow, and the house, and the people, he doesn't hear anything but waves. His lips twitch and they grow louder, seagulls cawing every so often. And then laughter, musical laughter that hits him like a punch to the gut.

"Padfoot,"

Sirius jumps and quickly sits up, turning on the sofa to face the room. James grins happily from his spot on the ground, jeering, "I just kicked Little's arse. Again!"

Regulus scowls at his words and grunts, "Shove off, Potter. It's a terrible game anyway. Where's the bloody chess board?"

James grins and replies cheekily, "It's my house, and at my house, I say we play exploding snap."

"James," Mia says, entering the room with lunch for the boys. Regulus' eyes widen at the tray of rather large sandwiches, trying not to appear too excited by the treacle tart. Mia sets down the tray on the coffee table and continues, "Go get the chess board."

James rolls his eyes and grunts, "I thought I just had to worry about Padfoot being the bloody favorite."

Regulus flushes, smiling slightly when Mia playfully points a warning finger at her son. Sirius can hear James thundering up the stairs, but he just turns his gaze back to the window. It all feels meaningless, the games, the food, the holiday. It feels fake, performative even. Because he isn't happy, he doesn't want to have a merry Christmas. Not when the girl he loves is off galavanting into potential situations that make his heart hurt.

His parents had been cruel, vile, and abusive. And they weren't even death eaters, just fans of the dark wizard that was power hungry. He couldn't imagine what a death eater would do to Gwen, his father's verbal abuse of the girl seemed insignificant when he thought of the risk she was truly in now.

It had been five days. Five days since he'd seen her standing in the snow with Severus Snape. Since he'd seen her at all. And the fear he feels compares nothing to the regret that weighs heavily on his mind.

"Sirius?"

He glances up, meets the warm gaze of Mia Potter. She smiles gently and hands him a plate, a half of sandwich and some of the tart that Regulus had been eyeing. Sirius lips twitch. The one good thing to come of this was Regulus spending the holidays with them.

The Slytherin had been nervous when he first arrived, and Sirius could tell he missed Remus. But his little brother had almost instantly warmed up to Mia. It took a little bit longer for him to be comfortable enough to share a laugh with Fleamont. They had a history with Fathers. Fortunately, Fleamont was nothing like Orion Black, and had won Regulus over with talk of potions.

James was just happy to have another brother, not thinking twice about the distorted dark mark that rested on the inner arm of the youngest Black. The lines through it had erased it in James' mind. That, and the fact that Regulus was dating Remus. James had laughed for nearly an hour straight when he found out, pulling Regulus into a hug that was so brotherly and happy it made both Black brothers feel warm.

Sirius gently takes the offered plate from Mia's hands and sets it on the sill of the window in front of him. He wasn't hungry. Hadn't been hungry in sometime. She hesitates before saying quietly, "I received packages from Gwenyth yesterday. That means she's still doing fine."

Sirius frowns, saying quietly, "For now."

Mia glances down at the ring he's toying with, never daring to slip it onto his finger. She sighs and tries to think of something to say. But he doesn't even seem to notice, his brows furrowed and his eyes tired.

He hadn't been sleeping well, his dreams starting out on the beach, warm and happy. But then he would hear screaming. Gwen screaming. He'd search the house and the water and the dunes, but he could never find her. Even in his sleep, he didn't know where she was.

Sirius hesitates, staring down at the gold in his hand. Taking it off had been anger driven, spiteful. But he's meant it at the time. If she went, he was done. It didn't take him long to realize that being done wasn't an option. Not having her wasn't an option anymore. Because breathing was easier with her, laughing was easier. Living was a breeze with Gwenyth Whitlock, even when life grew scary.

He finally slips the ring onto his finger, swallowing back emotions at Toujours Pur appears on the surface. She had done that. Taken something vile, something from his past that fueled hatred, and made it into something that pushes him closer to crying. She was always pure. She made him feel pure too.

He lifts his eyes to watch the snow fall from the dark sky, and mindlessly he spins the ring on his finger. He jumps when his skin suddenly grows warmer, whipping his head down to stare in wonder at his hands. He spins the ring again, his eyes widening when the ring shifts from cool metal, to warmth that seeps through his muscles and bones and settles in his chest.

She was okay. At least okay enough to spin the ring on her finger. For the first time in 5 days, he relaxes. He slumps back against the sofa and smiles slightly at Mia. Her eyes grow soft and she says gently, "I told you she was fine."

Sirius nods quickly, spinning the ring again, so that the warmth will kiss Gwen's skin wherever she is. His smile grows when the ring on his hand heats up again. This was okay. Maybe he could tolerate this. Just until she came home. Then he would hug her, kiss her for real. The ring would just have to suffice for now.

He pecks Mia on the cheek and grabs his plate, moving to sit on the floor next to his brother. James and Regulus share a look of surprise, but quickly dive back into their chess match.

"Why'd you say you wanted to play chess when you suck at it?" Sirius wonders, grinning slightly when Regulus shoots him a flat look. James snickers, dodging a swinging blow from the Slytherin.

He hesitates, looking at Sirius before turning his eyes back to the board. James sounds casual, far less interested than he truly is, when he asks, "Alright, Padfoot?"

Sirius smiles, taking a bite of his sandwich. He hadn't realized he was starved until now.

"Yeah, mate," He says after he gulps down the food eagerly. The skin underneath his ring grows warm again.

"I'm alright."