evergreen • remus lupin

83. awake

tw: suicidal talk 

august 17, 1978

The full moon was in one day. 

And while Remus didn't want to get out of bed, the wolf did. The last two full moon were brutal, for James and Sirius more than him. 

Days before the moon, James and Sirius would come over and charm the room so he couldn't escape, then the next morning they'd find him bleeding out on the floor or the bed. Apparently the wolf had a lot of built up rage and grief to get out, that Remus was keeping in.

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june 21, 1978

James and Sirius unlocked the front door of Remus' flat, and held their breaths as they walked into a completely undisturbed main area

"Okay" James exhaled, "So he at least stayed in the room"

"Or he jumped out the window, fell four stories and died" Sirius huffed nervously

"You aren't helping" James said sharply "And anyway I put the enchantments up" he muttered as he took down the protective enchantments on the single bedroom. 

"Okay" James muttered to himself as he gripped the door handle.

But no amount of time could've prepared him for the sight of Remus laying in a puddle of his own blood, three deep slashes across his chest and one on his face. His breath was shallow and uneven, as his eyes were fluttering opening and shut. 

"Shit" Sirius breathed out 

"Oh fuck, okay..." James rushed over to Remus' side, dropping to his knees, disregarding the blood soaking through his clothes

"Remus you're going to be okay" he told him 

"What do we need to do?" Sirius asked frantically grabbing the sheets off the bed pressing them against Remus' wounds

"Shit... shit... shit" James muttered

"Prongs what do we need?"

"I don't fucking know I'm not a healer!" James yelled

"A healer that's it." Sirius said as the two boys made eye contact, "Didn't Lily take healing classes in seventh year?"

"Yeah, yeah she did" James whispered pressing the bloody sheets onto Remus' chest

"I'll go get her" Sirius said hurriedly, getting to his feet and rushing out the bedroom door. 

"It's okay Remus, you'll be okay" James whispered. Remus groaned incohearently,

"What?"

"Let... me go" he whispered a tear escaping his eye. 

James had to stop himself from crying as he continued applying pressure on Remus' wound

"Stop that, Merlin stop it" his voice cracked, as he stood over his dying best friend

"I don't... wanna be... here any...more" he whispered.

"Don't say that, it's gonna be okay, Lily and Sirius are gonna be here any second, just hold on, please for me."

There are no words to describe hearing someone you loved, beg you for death. There just aren't. 

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august 17, 1978