Uriah: A Divergent Fanfic [COMPLETED]

Stars Wars: The Earthly Wannabe Yoda

I tap the keyboard impatiently. Graphic Arts. The worst class ever.

First off, the teacher sounds like a freaking robot. I mean, c'mon, girl, live a little! Stop sounding like you're reciting a script... what a pansycake.

Secondly, why the hell must I take a take a class on how to edit photos? I don't need to edit my selfies, I already look fabulous. Like so fabulous, it brings Kim Kardashian to her knees. Not that Kim Kardashian is fabulous. That little dweeb has no talent, can someone remind me how she got the fame she has? I mean, really, you have me, Uriah Pedrad, the sexiest man alive. Yet I have no awards (One day I will. Trust me. One day...) And then there's Kim, who has a big ass and that's it. Yet she's more famous than me! I'm Dauntless, I should be more famous than her!

Ugh... the struggles of a Dauntless prodigy who's butt is too flat to beat out Kim's.

"Okay, kids. First, select the lasso tool," Mrs. Tulipice (I know, weird name. And not to mention her first name... it's Nail. Who the hell names their kid nail? Nail Tulipice for that matter. It just doesn't flow like Uriah Pedrad, but, nothing does. I'm more fabulous than all of you *flips hair dramatically*......... back to the point) says in her monotone, robot voice.

"Why hello there, C3PO, didn't know you were trapped in an old lady's body. Damn, I didn't even know you were real," I say loudly. I swear that lady belongs in a Star Wars movie. I can see it now...

Star Wars: The Earthly Monotone Wannabe Yoda

Yes? No? Maybe? Okay then...

Mrs. Tulipice puts a hand on her hip. Wow, old lady sass, I bet Harry Styles likes this, considering in fanfictions he only dates older woman.

What? Don't judge, Marlene writes One Direction fanfiction and forces me to read it. I just really hope the main character Marley isn't herself, cause guess what Niall? This blonde little lady with a negative IQ is mine. Okay?

"Did you mean that, Mr. Pedrad?" Mrs. Tulipice says and glares at me through her thick-rimmed galsses. I place a hand over my heart dramatically. Alright, time for those drama classes in third grade to pay off.

"Of course not, Mrs. Tulipice. I always knew that C3PO was real. And, even if you are in this hideous body, I'm glad that I got to meet my fifth grade idol. Thank you, sir," I say and the class laughs. Ha! I could be a comedian. What do you think, eh? Stand up comedy... now that I think about it that's not a completely terrible idea...

Peter, who's sitting next to me (Stupid arranged seating) gives me a strange and weirded out look. Oh yeah, I'm the insane one. At least I don't jame butter knives in people's eyes! Edward will never forgive you!

"What? Can't handle Uriah Pedrad, Peter?" I say and he just shakes his head while muttering something about strangling me after we graduate high school. Bitch please. With my luck and my GPA, I'm probably going to be in high school for a long time... gahhhhh... nightmares. Terrible, terrible, nightmares.

Mrs. Tulipice glares at me, but lets it go. Dang, first she's like C3PO, now she's like Elsa. But she will always be a pansycake.

Always.

Tris looks at me from across the room. I cheekily wink at her. She rolls her eyes. I feel a vibrate in my pocket.

Nice one, Uri. Next time are u going to accuse Mr. Tomlinson of being Yoda?

I stifle a laugh. She knows nothing. *tries to creepy laugh* *chokes* *falls off chair*

Okay I'm done.

Psssh no. Imma accuse him of being related to Louis from 1D.

I look at Tris from across the room. She giggles and begins typing a response.

Quick question: How do u know all this stuff about 1D?

Like I said: Marlene. She's a hardcore Directioner... she scares me sometimes. But she's my girlfriend, so I go along with it. But, when it comes to concerts, keep me FAR away from the thousands of screaming, hormonal, teenage fangirls.

Imma lifelong directioner. What do you think? Marlene.

Mrs. Tulipice continues to explain the crap. I sigh and begin to play Flappy Bird on my phone. A text appears on the screen.

No way! I totally thought that you were madly in love with Harry Styles

I roll my eyes, but smile. Oh, Tris. I'm so glad my advanced sarcasm is rubbing off on you.

"Mr. Pedrad, do you need detention?" Ms. Tulipice says and crosses her arms, shooting daggers at me.

"No, but I need Dauntless cake. That would be nice..." I reply and sigh. Dauntless cake is love. Dauntless cake is life.

"I'll see you at three, Pedrad," Tulipice says. I scoff. I'm just too fabulous for her.

Tris laughs from across the room, "Ms. Prior, do you need detention too?" Ms. Tulipice asks.

"Not as much as you need a nose job," Tris replies. DAYUMMMMMM Tris! You're learning so much from me, it brings tears to my eyes.

"My little Trissy Poo is growing up," I scream. Tulipice glares at me.

"Aww Uri Poo, I'm glad to hear that. You're just as immature as ever," Tris replies.

Ms. Tulipice shakes her head and mumbles, "How old do you have to be to retire?"

Geez, I love making teachers want to quit their job.