Uriah: A Divergent Fanfic [COMPLETED]

Guessing The Happy Meal Didn't Help?

"Who was that?" Tris asks and I come back in.

"Superman," I say sarcastically.

"No way!" she responds just as sarcastically.

"I call dibs on his cape," Zeke says.

"Really dude? You want his cape? I want his boots!" Will says and I shake my heads at them.

"Kk people, it was... dun dun dun... BUTTER KNIFE BOY!" I say and Lynn's eyes go wide.

"Butter knife boy?" Shauna says.

"Peter?," Four asks and Marlene says, "No another one of Lynn's whack job exes who loves butter knives."

"Jose?" Four responds. Oh yeah I forget about Jose...

Except Jose loved sporks.

Spork... what a weird word...

"Peter was there?" Lynn asks.

Four groans and says, "It's Jose didn't you just hear me?"

"No it's Peter you idiot," Chris says.

"Ya," I reply and run a hand through my AMAZING hair. I just had to tell you all how awesome my hair is.

"What did he say? What did you say? What did-" Lynn starts but I cut her off and place a finger at her lips.

"Hush youngling. Let Uncle Uri tell you," I say and sit on the couch next to Marlene.

"Uncle Uri? Wow dude... I guess I'm Uncle Zeke," Zeke says.

"No, you'll be Aunt Z," I reply and run a hand through my AMAZING hair. I know, I know, it's so freaking awesome.

"Anyway, a long time ago in a galaxy far far away-" I start and I am cut off by Shauna.

"That 'galaxy' far far away is that brain of your's." I gasp and Zeke high fives her, on the lips, with his lips.

I think Zeke needs another high five, with a steel chair, and to his ugly face. I mean, wow, how is one Pedrad brother so handsome and one's as ugly as an old man trying to rock a snapback.

I mean come on, Mr. Old Dude, just 'cause your blonde and Irish doesn't mean you can work that look.

That saggy skin just makes me wanna go puke.

"Anywhoooooooooooo, he was standing there. I was standing there. Before he could say anything, I said, 'Hi. Bye. Don't jam a butter knife in anyone's eye'. I nailed that, don't y'all think," I say and nod at myself.

Lynn stands up and comes and slaps me right across the face.

Ouch.

"You are an IDIOT!" she screams and runs off to Neverland.

Neverland means McDonald's for you who don't know Uri-cabulary.

Uriah Vocabulary.

Yeah, that exsists.

"What did I do?" I ask.

"Who knows? She's a girl," Will says and Four and Zeke nod in agreement.

"You made her think of Peter, and she might be mad that you didn't give him another chance," Tris says.

"What fortune cookie did you swallow?" Four asks and his girlfriend glares at him.

"Tris is right, now go find that girl," Marlene says and pushes me off the couch.

"I'm coming with you Uriah, 'cause there's no way in a million years you could deal with this... alone," Shauna says and stands up, then drags me by my arms out the door.

"See ya later alligator!" I say like a wittle kid.

Wittle... little... wittle... hehehehe

***

We walk into McDonald's (and you didn't believe me!) and we saw Lynn crying in one of the booths.

"Since when does my brave Lynn cry?" I say and walk over to her.

"Guessing the happy meal didn't help?" I say and sit next to her.

"Lynn, you're still in love with Peter aren't you?" Shauna says and sits across from Lynn.

She nods sheepishly. I throw my arm around her and say, "It's okay, but don't slap me again... oh and your hands smell like cat litter, might wanna change that."

"You suck," Shauna mutters and I glare at her.

"Well, Peter's an idiot. Move on!" Shauna says and grabs Lynn and drags her out.

Shauna... STOP DRAGGING PEOPLE PLACING!