Uriah: A Divergent Fanfic [COMPLETED]

Eric Having a Baby... With Satan...

I stand with my back pressed against a wall. Beeps are going off everywhere. Geez, that little freaking beep makes me want to slice the heads off all the other people in the laser tag arena. But with my luck, that will just make a more horrific beep go off.

"Uriah, watch out, I got this," Four says and aims his gun at Tris.

Right now, we're all playing girls vs. guys laser tag. It's midnight and there's absolutely no one here except for us, so we took the liberty of turning an innocent laser tag arena into a war zone. No pansycakes allowed.

So, technically, Zeke, Will and Four shouldn't be here... but whatever. Tris, Shauna, and Christina made us bring these little panyscakes along. They're pansycakes too. Everyone here is a pansycake - expect for moi. *attempts to flip hair*

Pansycake... god, I love that word.

"Hey, Number Boy, I got this. Let the master do his job," Zeke says and shoves Four out of the way, then shoots Marlene. Oh no he didn't.

"Okay, Ezekiel," I say. Get ready for the rant of a lifetime, everyone. "First off, only I get to call Four Number Boy - I'm the only one who makes it works."

Four rolls his eyes. That kid's so good at covering his emotions up, he knows he loves his amazing nickname. His life wouldn't be the same without me creating these nicknames for all of these pansycakes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Number Boy, or should I say... Tobias." I start giggling like a little girl. Tobias... he does not look like a Tobias. If anything he look a James. Yeah, he looks like a James... he should really change his name from Tobias Eaton to James Eaton.

Four raises his eyebrows in a way that Tris would say was "sexy." C'mon girl, he ain't sexy. If you want sexy look at me. Or Zac Efron. He's the only man who's able to compete with my fabulousness.

Who am I kidding... NO ONE can compete with my amazingness. Not Zac Efron, not Logan Leman, not Dylan O'brien, not Ryan Gosling - no one. Wait till the day my gorgeous face is plastered on magazines all over the world with the headline: Sexiest man alive.

Take that Chris Hemsworth.

"Don't call Tobias," Four says sternly. Awww he thinks he sooo scary. Sorry, bud, but butterflies are scarier than you.

But now that I think of it some butterflies are pretty scary...

"Whatever, Tobias, is that just a name for your little Trissy Wissy to call you?" I ask sarcastically.

"HEARD THAT!" Tris screams from across the arena. Damn, that girl hears everything. And I mean everything. She heard me and Will discussing My Little Pony and told the whole school.... it's not our fault that the show is strangely good! It's like chocolate covered crickets - sounds awful, but is so good.

"Hysterical, Uriah," Four replies. I know, I am pretty funny.

Okay wow I just realized I have a huge ego....

"Anway," I say, "Secondly don't shoot my girlfriend. I'm the only one who gets the do that. And thridly, don't sass me. Because you and I both know that your sass will never compare to my sass. You may be stronger than me - but you will never be as sassy as me."

Zeke starts clapping, "That's my little bro! Four's the strong one, Uriah's the sassy one, and I'm the hot one."

"Correction," Will says, "I'm the handsome one. Last time I checked, handsome doesn't mean a man who looks like a deceased wombat."

Zeke has a confused look plastered on his fugly face, "What the hell is a wombat?"

Will sighs impatiently, "Look it up. Google was invented for a reason."

Zeke laughs sacastically. Wow, has my sass been rubbing off on these little pansycakes? I'm so honored that I'm such an influence on their lives. But they will never be the sass master I am.

"You know what, let's stop arguing and go kill our girlfriends," Four says and runs out of our hiding spot.

"Who's gonna get Lynn, since she doesn't have a boyfriend?" I ask quietly as we follow Four out into the arena. May the odds be ever in my favor, we're going all Hunger Games on these gals.

"Anyone?" Will responds, "And you know she does have a boyfriend, right? She's back together with Peter."

Oh no. Not again.

Why does she keep crawling back to the butter-knifing little dweeb? He's a bigger pansycake then Will, Zeke, and Four all combined! He's the spawn of Satan! Like if Eric and Satan had a baby, it would be Peter.

Oh, that's a weird thing to think about. Eric having a baby.... with Satan... and Peter pops out of one them... *shudders with fear*

"You've got to be kidding me," Zeke mutters, "Again?"

"Again," Will repeats. Perhaps again will be there always......

What? Don't judge. If guy wants to read The Fault In Our Stars, a guy can read The Fault In Our Stars.

An annoying beeping begins. Aw, crap, I hate that noise so much it makes me want to strangle a penguin. Or a unicorn. Or Zeke. Yeah, Zeke's the best choice out of those three.

I turn around and see Marlene standing there shooting me, a smirk on her face. It's game time. May the force be with with you.

"ALRIGHT EVERYBODY SHOOT!" I scream and begin to shoot Marlene. She gasps sarcastically, "How dare you shoot your own girlfriend!"

I laugh and continue to shoot, "How dare you shoot your own boyfriend. Especially when it's me. Since I'm better than everyone in this arena. Expect you... you're perfect."

She smiles and shoots.

"Hey, Toby," Tris yells. Toby? Wow, you've got to be joking. "I hope you like lasers."

Tris begins to shoot while giggling. Wow, I can't believe shooting each other is Tris' way of flirting. Last time I checked this is a war zone, not a date night.

Be aggressive, Number Boy... this is war!

"FOR NARNIA!" I scream and run up a ramp while shooting Marlene. If only I had a horse to ride on right now.... that would make the moment SO much better.

But the moment's already pretty great - considering the fact that I'm in the moment *flips hair like a boss*

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Hey guys!

I'm so excited for Insurgent! It's less than a week away! *fangirls*

I'm so excited to see meh Uri!!! Whenever I see him in the trailers I fangirl so hard and slap the people around me. I slapped my dog once and he bit me.... but I don't care cuz it's Uriah and Insurgent and Fourtris and everything!!!

I just really hope they don't pull a Percy Jackson on me, because I don't remember that whole box thing in the book, but either way it looks so amazing I wanna cry.

Are you excited for Insurgent? Let me know in the comments :)

(There's a clip from the movie on the side, by the way 😄)

- Hollie