not in the same way || c.h.

29

  He sat me down in his lap and held my hands with one of his large ones. He was rubbing my back with his other while I laid the side of my head on his shoulder. I didn't even care about the blood that could potentially be getting on me. I didn't really care about these clothes anyway.

  He was whispering calming words in my ear, telling me that everything was okay and he won't let anyone hurt me ever again. I knew it was impossible for him to prevent anyone from hurting me, but it was just the fact that he was saying it and he meant it that made me feel better. I was trying to ignore the fact that he couldn't really stop anything from happening like that again entirely.

  It was calming, he was calming me down. I was still kind of mad at him for completely leaving my life and then randomly coming back in. I mean it was hard enough to try and get accustomed to not having him around after three months, but now I'd probably have to do it again. I wasn't ready for him to leave again. I don't want him to leave again, but I can't exactly control what he does.

"I missed you." I whispered after I had completely calmed down.

"I missed you too." He said with a heavy sigh and leaned his head against mine that was still on his shoulder.

"Please don't leave again." I said desperately and held his hand with both of mine.

"I don't want to." He trailed off. I knew what he was thinking, and he didn't want to say it to make me upset but I knew. It didn't take a genius to figure it out.

"But you think you have to." I said and he just sighed and tightened his grip on me.

"I've never felt like this with anyone before Brenna. I don't know how these things are supposed to work and it's a little scary. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want my dad or anyone else to hurt you. I don't want you to get hurt and I can't express that enough, but I also can't express how much I really want to be with you and be able to hold you whenever I want." He said and held his hand on my head and stroked my hair.

"I know what I'm getting myself into Calum. I'm thinking about it, I thought about it to the point where my head hurt so bad. I didn't just quickly make this decision like it meant nothing. I want to be with you, and I know that I could possibly get hurt or anyone in my family. It scares me to death but I don't want to be without you." I said and held my hands on the base of his neck and gently rubbed his skin with my thumbs.

"I'm not worth any of that Bren. You shouldn't be risking your own life or any of your loved ones lives either. I'm not worth it, I'm not boyfriend material Brenna, it's not worth it." He said and rested his forehead against mine and held his hands tightly on my waist.

"You are. If you weren't boyfriend material then I wouldn't like you this much. You care about me Cal, you're so sweet to me and you keep me safe. I know what you're like when you're not keeping up that whole 'I'm in a gang' act, and I can easily guess that not many people see that side of you. You're the sweetest angel I've ever met." I said and gently traced over his cheek with my knuckles.

"I've killed people, and done so many other bad things. You should be scared of me." He said and pulled his head away from mine.

"But I'm not. I was a little at first, but I know you. You make me feel safe. I could go to the most dangerous place in the world with you and I'd feel the safest I've ever felt in my entire life." I said and moved his hair out of his face and cupped his cheek with my hand.

"I'm not right for you. I don't deserve you." He said and slightly leaned into my hand and let out a sigh.

"I have high standards Calum. When someone doesn't deserve me I'm the first person to tell them that and I tell them immediately. You deserve me, and you're right for me. I promise." I said and caressed his cheekbone with my thumb. He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes while he held his blood stained hands over mine.

"Kiss me." He said and slowly opened his eyes to look at me.

"But your lip." I said and moved my hand from his cheek to his chin right under the cut on his lip.

"I don't care, just kiss me." He said and put his hands on the sides of my face and pulled me in for a kiss.

  He kissed me long and slowly, and tangled his fingers in my hair. He slowly slid his tongue in my mouth and traced over every square inch of my mouth. Everything about kissing him was just perfect. I felt dazed as he kissed me, it happened nearly every time. I haven't even known him that long, maybe just a few months without the three months that we haven't been speaking, but I'm addicted to him.

"You need a shower." I whispered as I pulled away and leaned my forehead against his to catch my breath.

"Only if you join me." He said and nudged the tip of my nose with his.

"Fine but only cause you're cute." I said and got off his lap to grabbed us some clothes to change into.

  Unfortunately I didn't have much for him to wear. I had a pair of sweats that were Luke's I think that he had given to me because they were too small for him now. Then I had a shirt that was mine but really oversized so he'd probably fit in that. I took out my own clothes to wear, one of my dads old shirts and a pair of shorts that would end up being covered by the shirt.

  When I got in the bathroom with our clothes he was standing there in just his boxers. To keep myself from staring too much, I took his dirty clothes and put them in the washing machine with the rest of my dirty laundry.

"Hurry up slow poke." He called out as I began walking back to the bathroom.

"Calum." I asked and leaned against the doorframe.

"What?" He asked and sent me a small smile.

"What are we gonna do about the body that's laying in my living room?" I asked with the smallest laugh just because I never thought I'd have to ask that question.

"Has he moved?" He asked and walked past me and into the living room.

"I don't think so." I said and turned around to look in his direction.

"I'll get it taken care of don't worry." He said and went to the counter to pick up his phone and started typing.

"Now... you have too many clothes on you." He said and put his phone down while walking over to me with a smirk.

"You have clothes on too you know." I giggled as he swiftly put his hands under my shirt and threw my shirt off of me.

"Not anymore." He said and took his boxers off before continuing to take my clothes off.