Why do i love you? - a jai brooks fanfic

Chapter twenty-one

"Do you have your homework Amy?" Mrs. Baker asked me. I was in maths, just daydreaming out the window before I snapped back into reality, "amy? I said do you have your homework?" Mrs. Baker repeated almost shouting. Shit! I forgot I had maths homework to do! Now the whole class turned to stare at me because they knew that if I didn't have my homework Mrs. Baker is going to send me straight to detention.

I gulped, "no miss, sorry," I said quietly. A few people smirked, "right that's a detention for tonight," Mrs. Baker told me, then carrying on with the rest of the class. It looks like everyone had their homework apart from me...just my luck.

***
I arrived back at my maths class for detention and opened the door to go in. Barely anyone was in there except a few dorks and boys front the football team. I chose a seat right at the back in the corner so I was out of everybody's way and sighed as the clock ticked slowly, this was going to be a long detention.

After an hour the teacher finally let us all go so I walked out as fast as possible desperate to get out of here and walked out of the main doors. I stopped for a sec to grab my phone and earphones out so I could block everything out as I started to walk home and turned my music up loud.

I must of been about halfway home when I saw something that I didn't want to see. I could feel anger, hate, a little jealousy and tears. I didn't want to cry here not in front of people. I couldn't but I wanted him to see me, see my face of disappointment and hurt that he has caused.

Because what I saw was Jai kissing the fucking face off another girl...and to make matters worse that girl was Yasmin.

I decided I didn't want to wait and see anymore so I stormed off in the direction I was supposed to be heading and hid my face. Tears streamed down my face as I stated jogging away from it all. I reached my house burst through the door and up to my room, slamming and locking my door. I threw my bag on the other side of my bedroom and fell to the floor hugging my knees.

How could he do that to me? Why did I believe him all over again? I'm so stupid. I got up slowly from where I was crouched, the silent tears running down my cheek as I wiped them away.

This time I needed to do it and this time it was serious and desperate. I walked into my ensuite slamming the door behind me. I stood in front of my mirror, I looked so angry. The feelings were bubbling inside me and they needed to come out.

I clenched my fists and punched my mirror so hard I winced in pain as my knuckles opened up with blood. This made me cry even more but it was good for me, I did it again but this time a bit weaker leaving blood spots where I hit it. I held my bleeding knuckles in my other hand in pain.

I stood back, my back against the bathroom wall and slid downwards onto the floor. Why do people take advantage of me? I mean did he really think I was that stupid?

To be honest it was probably best that I caught him doing that so I could finally get an answer for my feelings for him, and that was hate. I hated him for hurting me, I hated wasting my time on him, my tears included. I looked up at the ceiling still slumped on the floor.

I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. He had ruined it and I let him like the dumbass I am. I can't believe I didn't see past his layer of so called love to find the lies hidden inside. If I had then my life would be better because he wouldn't be in it.

Thoughts in my head were swarming me. Drowning me. It was suddenly difficult to breath but I knew deep down that there was one way I could let go. My hand stretched up and over to my drawers by my sink and I opened the very bottom one scrambling to find it.

My eyes caught sight of something wrapped tightly in a small towel and I pulled it out onto my lap. This was it.

I carefully unwrapped the thing and opened it up. The blade still sharp my razor say there in front of me. Fresh tears filled my eyes making my sight glassy as I picked it up in my hands. I stared down at it, the cold harsh metal glinting in the light above me.

The last time I used this was when I first moved to Australia and everyone hates me at Penola before I actually made any friends. They hated me because they thought I was a slut that thought she could just move into Melbourne thinking she's the top girl.

They were wrong. I had no fucking idea where they even got those rumours from but they dies down after a while and that was when I stopped. If I hadn't stopped then I would be addicted and I don't want to reply on a razor to satisfy me when I need it.

But just this one time I needed this to happen. To let all the bad things out and nothing more in. Just once, no more.

I had stopped crying by now and before I knew it the pointed blade was sat comfortably on my wrist. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, I couldn't look.

Pressing hard I slide across.