Why do i love you? - a jai brooks fanfic

Chapter twenty-two

The pain was nearly unbearable. Blood stained my wrist as I let it drip into the floor. I sat there now fully crying. I don't regret what I did, I mean I had it coming didn't i? Being the person I am with most people not even liking me.

I heard the front door open and my mum come in talking to someone. I quickly cleaned the blade, wrapped it back up in its towel and stuffed it underneath some stuff in my drawer. I got up off the floor and placed tissue on my wrist, it still throbbing with pain.

It didn't stop bleeding but I wiped the blood off the floor as fast as I could and scrabbled around my bathroom to find a bandage but there weren't any. Then I remembered that the only first aid kit in the house was downstairs in the kitchen where my mum was around. I sighed but sucked up the urge to cry again and opened the door from my ensuite.

I tiptoed out and checked myself in the mirror in my room. My eyes were red sore and puffy but there's nothing I could do about that. I went over to unlock my bedroom door and walk out onto the landing. I walked down the stairs and slipped away into the kitchen.

It sounded like my mum was in the lounge with whoever was round. Relieved I went over to the cupboards and found the first aid kit in the top one. Unzipping it there were lots of bandages so I picked one and started carefully wrapping it round my cut.

I was just about to tie the knot and pull down my sleeve to hide it when someone spoke behind me, "amy?" I heard them say. I spun around, my wrist behind my back and stood at the door was Gina. "Oh hi Gina I didn't hear you come in," I said also trying to hide my face as well as the bandage.

She raised her eyebrows, "are you ok? You look like you've been crying," she said walking over to me and hugging me. I hugged her back but as we pulled away she had hold of my cut wrist and was staring at it in shock.

"Why did you do this?" Gina asked me softly with tears coming in her eyes. I swallowed hard, "I had to Gina," I whispered as she let go of my arm. She looked up at me, "no amy, you didn't have to but hunny what made you do this to yourself?" She asked me holding both my hands.

I couldn't tell her could I? Her son was the reason for gods sake!!

I felt pressured and trapped in this question. I didn't know what to say or do and I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. Heat took over and my eyesight went blurry, Ginas grip tightened on me making me feel like everything was knotting up inside of me.

Then my knees became weak and I could no longer support my own weight so I fell and as I did all I heard was Gina calling for my mum and all I could see was darkness...

***
I was in my own world. I couldn't see, feel, smell, taste, hear anything. It was silent wherever I was but I gradually realised that I wasn't anywhere but in complete darkness.

I must of been laying there in my own thoughts for a long time before I heard a beeping noise and muffled voices. It sounded like my mum and a man but I couldn't work out where I was.

I had to wake up.

I tried my hardest but I couldn't move anything until I felt someone grab my hand and squeeze it, "amy please wake up," the voice said. It sounded like a boys voice but one I recognise. I kept trying to squeeze back until finally I did it and I heard the reaction, "hey she squeezed my hand!" The boy holding my hand shouted.

I heard people come closer to me and I didn't like the feeling of everyone staring at me. Then my eyes fluttered open and a bright light shon right in my face. "Amy?" Someone said.

I turned my head towards where the voice came from and my mum was sat beside me smiling but with puffy eyes, "hey hun," she said to me new tears appearing. "Mum, what's wrong?" I croaked to her.

Her face dropped and her eyes wandered to my wrist where a bandage was wrapped really tightly around it. Memories came flooding in of what I had done before I fell and ended up here. I faced my mum again, "mum I'm so sorry," I whispered to her. She didn't respond but grabbed my free hand and held it.

I then realised my other hand was taken up by someone else who was Beau sat on my other side, "hey," I said to him smiling, he smiled back but I knew it was fake, "hi," he relied letting go of my hand and sitting back in his chair. It felt like they were disappointed in me but they didn't know the reason.

A doctor walked in telling me I was free to go whenever I wanted so I slowly sat up, grabbed my stuff and slipped some shoes on. With my mum we walked out of the room but before I could leave the doctor handed me a leaflet with information on how to stop cutting written on it.

I felt embarrassed but angry. I took it anyway and followed my mum out the doors and into her car.

***
I was laying down in my bed trying to fall asleep but it was impossible. Tossing and turning was all I could do so I decided to get up and go get food to eat from downstairs.

I tiptoed out of my room and down the stairs until I reached the bottom. I was just about to walk into the kitchen when I heard crying from the lounge. I creeped in and saw my mum say on one of the sofas with her head in her hands.

I silently walked over to her and stood in front of my mum for a while before she realised I was stood there. I sat down beside her, "mum I'm sorry," I whispered breaking the silence. She sniffed, "I know but why amy?" She asked me looking at me with tears in her eyes.

I could feel more tears in my eyes but I couldn't cry now, "i can't explain," I told her facing the floor. My mum hugged me sidewards and I hugged her back us both crying by now.

"Promise me that you'll stop," she said to me her voice slightly muffled. I stopped crying, "I promise," I whispered closing my eyes.