Chapter Twenty-Five: Depression and Obsession
Carter's pov
I've only heard about it in movies, I've only seen it in the newspaper, read about it in a book, seen it when I torture someone but today for the first time in forever, I am finally experiencing it.
Pain.
Not the greatest feeling and it was painful to not wake up and see Xylon's huge smile anymore. It was painful to hear the person I love so much tell me that she's scared of me.
I don't know how to fix it, I don't know where to start, I was completely unsure of what I would do to fix myself.
I want to cry, I really do but I can't. In the world we are in today, if am man cries he's considered weak. I'm not weak.
I roll over in bed and look at the big window, the sun was starting to rise. I'd been up all night, the silence screaming at me.
I can't stop thinking, I miss Neveah, and I miss Xylon. How was I going to fix things between him and I? What could I do to make him forgive me.
My phone rings and I think of ignoring it, it's five in the morning, who the fuck calls someone at 5am. I look at my phone just in case it's something important.
My body jolts up from bed and I panic answering the phone call.
"Carter." A small voice says from the other end of the phone.
"Whats wrong, Neveah?" I ask.
"I've been thinking." She says calmly. I breathe in relief that it's not anything serious, or maybe it was actually.
"What have you been thinking about, baby?" I say throwing myself in bed on my back.
"About... Everything. About you, Xylon...us." She says the last part softly.
I smiled.
"Oh yeah?" I smirk and I can hear her laugh softly, "All good things I hope."
"Not so much." She says and my smile falls.
"What do you mean?"
"Carter, first off I would like to thank you. Without you and the gang, I would never have gotton my son back..."
~*~
Its been a week since the call and I feel worse. Maybe I'm sick, like in the head. Maybe I need help.
But who would want to help me? A murder. Who could possibly trust me? Neveah was the only one who gave me a chance.
"Boss." Tristan says and I turn over in bed to look at him.
"What?" I say coldly and he sits down on the bed. Tristan has been the only one to check up on me once in a while.
He's been taking care of the gang for me, running it smoothly, and protecting Neveah and Xylon.
"Are you okay?" He asks and I just stare at the white wall in front of me.
"How are my hotels?" I ask and he sighs.
"Carter, I'm being serious. This is the worst I've seen you, I'm getting worried." He said and I smile.
I smile because I was thinking of somthing. Why didn't I think of this earlier, this would help to get Neveah and Xylon back.
"You want me to be honest, Tristan?" I ask and he nods. "I'm not okay, really I'm not. But I will be, in a matter of few days. I will be."
