The Beast is a Sex Addict

Chapter 33

Belle

I was hallucinating. I couldn't even remember what number I was on, but I swore on my mom's soul I saw Officer Mc Dreamy. I really needed to change his name to something else like Officer Prissy. Seriously, why did he have to get so worked up over a pair of shoes? A goddamn pair of shoes, even if they were expensive and looked new. Speaking of changing names, dumbass, Mc Hottie was officially Mc Douchebag. 

Oh lord, the smell was getting worse. I lifted my arm to wipe the sweat off my forehead and almost gagged. God, I raked of something. I was pretty sure I used deodorant yesterday. The deodorant probably wore off at midnight.     I was sure the awful smell from the squad car had embedded itself into my DNA and was never coming out. At this point, I didn't think a shower would be effective. I felt like I had years of dirt sitting on my skin. It was grossed. I pulled out my phone. It was still not working. Not that I expected the damn phone to work. I really didn't; I was just hoping for a useless miracle.  

Argh, what was taking Mc Douchebag so long.  

"Tap, Tap, Tap." The noise brought me back to the present. A bunch of dumb teenagers were making peace signs and licking the window. One of them was filming the whole episode. As I watched teenagers film their stupidity, I envisioned the future involving a  new TikTok challenge: "The Squad car Challenge: How many cops cars can you like before getting arrested?"

Technically, the teenagers were doing Mc Douchebag a favor by cleaning the outside windows. Of course, they were licking dead bug remains and who knows what else because this cop car was filthy.

I heard a bump against the window and turned to see what else they were doing. Oh shit, no way; one of them just mooned me. Unbelievable, if you were going to moon someone at less, have a tight ass, preferably with no hair. I mean, really, who would want to see that booty on YouTube? Okay, maybe I was being unfair shows like the 1,000-pound sisters existed. People had to watch the show if they had more than one season, right? Of course, who wouldn't watch a train wreck in slow motion? I reminded myself that someone had it worse than me somewhere out there. I couldn't picture it now, probably because I wanted to vomit so badly.   I closed my eyes and reminded myself not to take deep breaths in this smell trap of a vehicle.

I looked back at the window; the teenage mooner was now rubbing his ass on the glass. I could even see his hairy nut sac when he started jumping up and down. No, I was not looking. Okay, maybe I was. Seriously, it was a little hard to look away. I silently prayed he didn't turn around. I really did not want to see his private part up close. If I was honest with myself, I know I would be examing his penis for any revealing traits. You never know when you will run into the same asshole again, and having that type of knowledge is powerful. It's like marriage wrecking powerful, and yes, I would be a homewrecker if some asshole pissed me off.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing to my squad car?" I heard Le Fou shout.

I turned around to see Mc Douchbag running towards his car. He had a half-eaten Subway cookie in his hand. I felt my stomach rumbled. God, I wanted that cookie. I was actually willing to sell my soul for that half-eaten cookie. Yes, I was that hungry. Why couldn't they have let me stay a day in jail, where I would have had lunch?

The hand with the cookie drifted a little lower, and that was when I noticed Mc Douchebag's shirt. Was that blood or Ketchup on his shirt? Did it matter? Mc Douchebag was running to his car, now yelling to the teenagers to get their asses off his precious vehicle. As he ran, I watched a small yellow bag fall out of Mc Douchebag's side pocket: Lays. My God, he had chips.   Mc Doughebag must have realized he lost his potato chips. I saw him stop and turn around to get them. Before he could pick them up, a foot encased in a black shoe kicked the chips away.

I actually wanted to cry for Mc Douchebag; those were Lays potato chips. Who in their right mind would kick a package of potato chips? Although the shoe looked really familiar. My eyes traveled up, and I realized I had not imagined Mc Dreamy. He was holding a Subway sandwich, and he sort of looked pissed. I wonder if Subway fucked up his order. 

I heard Mc Dreamy shout, "What do you think you are doing."

Mc Douchebag blinked a few times and looked briefly at his chips before turning to Gaston and growling, "Nothing."

He then turned back to the Squad car, took two steps, stopped, and spun back around." Is that my sandwich," he asked.

I saw Mc Dearmy get close and personal; he shouted that he had had enough and wanted the damn keys. Mc Douchebag fumbled for the keys and handed them over. Mc Dreamy threw the Subway sandwich at Le Fou and walked to the squad car.   The mooner and his YouTube crew had magically disappeared. I watched silently as he opened the door and stuck his head in, only to gag. I guess not all cop cars smelled this bad. 

He quickly pulled his head out. I heard him mutter something, but I wasn't sure what he said. He pressed a button on the panel and walked to the rear door. He pulled it open and yanked me out.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I looked around him and found the chips lying a few feet away. "Can you get me those chips?" I asked.

Mc Dreamy blinked a few times; I am sure he was shocked that I wasn't bowing at his feet, exclaiming he was my hero. I might have if I wasn't so damn hungry. Seriously, Mc Dreamy was hot.