The Beast is a Sex Addict

Chapter 30

Belle

"Eighty-eight bottles of beer on the wall; eighty-eight bottles of beer on the wall. I'm going to puke in this squad car. Eighty-seven bottles of beer on the wall; eighty-seven bottles of beer on the wall. Eighty-seven bottles of beer, if I die I will haunt Le Fou and Barbie cop. Eighty-six bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-six bottles of beer on the wall. If I survive, I will drink Scotch. Why the fuck not? Eighty-five bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-five bottles of beer on the wall, pop Barbie cop's fake boobs! Eighty-four bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-four bottles of beer on the wall."

Fuck this beer shit, argh could today get any worse? Seriously, what the hell has happened? Where the fuck did Chaz go? How long did it take to page someone? God, how did he ever land a management position? Oh wait, this was Walmart. What more do I need to say? Why was I still working here? The internal debate in my head kept going. I really need to find a better job. I hate this job. There was not a single thing I even remotely enjoyed about my current job. It was comfortable, no wait it wasn't. The pay sucked (big time), I was overworked and underpaid, the customers were awful, management didn't give two shits about the people who worked. I asked myself once again why I was still here. The word procrastination ran through my head, but I didn't feel that it was really the reason. Since my mom passed away, everything was a struggle. Dealing with dad and all his issues took an emotional toll. I could sort of check out at my job. I didn't care about it. I wasn't encouraged to go the extra mile. I could do the bare minimum and not care. That has always been my reason but lately, it no longer fits. I needed more money. I had no desire to prostitute myself. Hell, let's be honest; I couldn't afford clothes that even came close to looking sexy. Yes, yes, the Salvation Army had a huge selection of slutty clothes, but they were no longer cheap. I mean have you been in there lately? They wanted eight dollars for a pair of used jeans. Sometimes you lucked out and got a name brand but most of the time it was just garbage stuff in mostly fair condition. Not only that but if you wanted to get the good stuff you had to fight the eBay sellers who showed up at the crack of dawn to scavenge through any new shit. Wearing sexy clothes would be a disaster of huge proportions. I would probably kill myself in a pair of silhouette heels, or strangle myself with pearls. Let's not even talk about all the diseases that one could get engaging in that shit. I read somewhere that there were over twenty different types of sexually transmitted diseases. Not to mention that you could pick up other illnesses too. I shudder just at thought of being sick. Of course, I also read the Complete Karma Sutra or was it the Modern Karma Sutra? Man who knew there were so many positions.  If I ever manage to get a sexual life there were definitely a few positions I wanted to try.  At the top of my list was the Upstanding  Citizen position followed by the Good Ex, and the Scoop Me Up. 

I chuckled to myself, I was going stir crazy. Seriously, I had all the symptoms of going stir crazy. I read that the symptoms involved a range of negative emotions and distress related to restricted movement. I was pretty sure being trapped in the back of a squad car counted as being restricted. If I was being honest I was also going a little crazy waiting for Chaz to find officer Le Fou. How else can one explain thinking about sexual positions while being locked in a cop car?

Dear lord, but it was hot. The sweat was starting to roll off my body. My stomach chose that moment to rumble. I couldn't remember when I had something to eat. Now that I was thinking about food, I realized that my throat was parched. Jeez, Chaz had probably already forgotten about her and was eating a nice juicy sub. That was where she could always find him at the Subway shop. He was the one manager that never stayed in his office. It was a running joke among the employees that if you need Chaz to check out Subway first. I let out a sigh. I pulled out my phone and tried to turn it on. I was probably hoping for a miracle. Nothing, not even a single flicker or battery light appeared on my phone. I tapped the screen and press the power button again. Okay, okay, I admit it I even prayed that the damn phone would turn on but like everything else it refused to cooperate. One day, I would be able to laugh at the events that took place today. A story to tell that not even a single soul would believe was true. However, one day was a long, long time away, and I was seriously feeling less than peachy. I felt like I was going to toss a few more cookies. My body was shaking and my head was pounding. Plus I had started hallucinating, a primary example of this is seeing McDreamy standing in the street looking at this squad car. He appeared pissed. Just to prove the fact that I was experiencing symptoms of hallucinations: McDreamy walk by this squad car and entered Walmart. There was no way that fine-looking ass (oops man) shopped at Walmart. McDreamy had said he was getting something to eat. One did not go to Walmart for lunch. Damn my mind was conjuring some nice untouchable eye candy. If I was going to conjure candy why couldn't it be Sweet Tarts?