Emotions Natasha x Reader

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I stood in front of Natasha with a blade at her neck, I laughed as I watched her struggle to move. I had her trapped, her eyes stared at me then at the blade constantly evaluating the situation. "Oh, how the tables have turned." I spat at her.

It was true what I'd said for five year the avengers had me locked in a cage and for what, killing a couple of bad people...please they'd all done the same. I was no different, except I guess I was. And now for the first time I was in control I had her locked in place and nobody around to save her. 

I dug the blade into her neck, only slightly, but still enough to draw blood, she gasped as I held the blade in place. "you," she breathed "don't have to do." She whined "this." I watched her groan in pain as she realised there was no way out of here alive.

Her guns were to far for her to reach and one wrong move and my blade would cut right through her carotid arteries, she'd bleed out and die within a matter of seconds.

"I don't have to do this; I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS," I yelled at her, she flinched and screwed her eyes shut "you held me in a cell for five years." I could feel her heart racing, similar to the way mine was.

When I got angry, I couldn't control myself or my actions and she made me so, so angry. "you...y-ou killed people." She stuttered. "bad people, people who tried to kill my father, he was all I had, and I spent my whole life protecting him and then," I felt myself growing uncontrollably enraged I felt hot "you killed him anyway!" I cried out at her.

Sweat dripped down her forehead as she struggled to catch her breath "your father h-he was a bad person experimented on innocent people, y-you're a victim don't you see that." Her words ripped through my heart as I remembered memories form my past that I'd blocked out for so long.

I remembered being tied down to a table, being injected with chemicals, they stung through my veins as they invaded my body.

It's hard to explain the effects of what happened but to say the least I felt everything amplified by 1000. I was never just fine, I was furious, or madly in love, or trebling in fear and I was so beyond tired, heck I'd managed to burst my way out of a cell, and I hardly remembered how all I remember was anger.

As a child he had told me I was 'just an emotional girl' he told me 'it's better to feel everything than to feel nothing at all because although you'll know hate you'll also know love' he'd say, 'you'll grow out of it'.

Evidently not, because here I am 27 and I'd sooner put a bullet through my head than feel this hurt any longer.

I am not a monster because I feel, I am a monster because he made me feel hate far more hate than anyone could handle.

If those people hadn't tried to kill my father, they'd be alive. I started to remember the man who my father really was and not the man who I had convinced myself he was.

I looked at the permanent scar wrapped around my wrist from when he'd tie me down each nigh 'for my safety'. I remembered the screams coming from his lab, those screams gave me nightmares.

I remembered the rules he'd tell me 'under no circumstance do you enter the lab no matter what you hear'. I knew Natasha wasn't lying I could see it on her face.

I could feel her pain when I looked into those green eyes, but I didn't want to believe her, I liked it better when I remembered only the good memories with my father.

Though there were few of those memories they're all I had to hold on to. I dropped my blade stumbling back onto the floor, feeling all the hurt and pain in the world.

She gasped as I let her go, reaching on the floor for her gun. She stared at me on the floor, back pressed up against the wall, my knees clutched at my chest. She moved slow, afraid she'd startle me.

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