*What is the right age to be divorced?
*What is the right age to stand up for yourself?
*Who comes first? Self or family?
Trust me, no woman will be able to answer these questions when her own life is breaking apart.
And, I pray nobody should ha...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
🔞THIS CHAPTER AND THE NEXT CHAPTER MAY CONTAIN MENTION OF ABUSE, TRAUMA AND STRONG LANGUAGE. CONTENT MEANT FOR READERS ABOVE 18. DISCRETION ADVISED!🔞
🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂
Padmini's POV
DAY 1
"There has not been a day that I have not felt very low about myself. Even back at my village from childhood, I carried the weight of misogyny way too much; being a girl and the first born to my parents.
Not stopping at that, I had the audacity of being intelligent and aspired to study and be employed someday in Government sector hoping to uplift my family's prospects.
I even promised my father to take up the responsibility of my two younger brothers, after my graduation. The village folk thought it be scandalous!
My father was the first man to send his daughter to high school much to the horror of the entire village, while my friends were toiling at home or the farm lands along with their parents, few were married already a year or two after they reached puberty.
They wouldn't openly admonish us because our Thakur Sahab (a nobleman and landowner,) that is Chandrakanth's grandfather was supportive of my education. But the villagers never left any opportunities to spite us in private. Some even claimed my mother bewitched my father to dance to her tunes.
"Its a curse if a girl is born with so much brains and beauty. Have you not read or heard what happened to Draupadi in our Puranaas? A woman should not be thinking and talking ahead of her man, that's why she suffered so much. Stop her from school," they said.
To which I retorted, "so do you mean Maa Sita was also cursed? She was also beautiful, intelligent and educated?" my mother would hush me up in bewilderment.
The hatred of the older women around me grew manifold and they confirmed I was cursed, since I spoke of Maa Sita in the same breathe as Draupadi. While Maa sita is worshipped as a Goddess, Draupadi is seen as the doom of her entire clan, which I do not agree; but let it be.
They would walk away with a slap to their foreheads, anger and shock on their wrinkled faces, while muttering under their breath. What did they mumble? Did they curse me? I've wonderd on several occasions.
🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂
Day 2 Padmini's POV contd.,
I gaze at the fluttering pastel pink curtain for a while, pondering on the therapist's question.
"My favourite colour is yellow. Yellow reminds me of our corn field, the sun scorching from the sky above the dusty village roads, sun twinkling through the leaves while we played on the swing suspended from the Neem tree branch. Yellow sandalwood paste that Baba (dad) wore on his forehead in the shape of tear drop. Yellow peeling walls of my classroom. Yellow marigold flower garland I used to make for my Kanhaji (Lord Krishna) at the temple... yellow saree and glass bangles that baba bought me after securing highest rank in our district. Haldi (turmeric) the flavour of amma's (mother) cooking, the motichoor ladoo (an Indian sweet) she makes on special occasions, the aroma of spices, my mother always smelled like spices!
Yellow, the colour forbidden by Chandra because he doesn't like it. The day I saw him with Kayla she was wearing a yellow dress."
I sighed and paused, the soft humm of the airconditioner and rustle of papers were the only thing audible. I don't know why I'm drifting off like this while talking something important. Maybe I think procrastinating will give me energy to face the truth I was refusing to acknowledge.
"I was planning to prepare for the Government exam after joining college. My school headmaster was helping me, mentoring me. Thakur Sahab and Thakurain*were always supportive of our family and my education.
What twist of fate was it, when the man who was the advocate of my education and freedom dropped a boulder and ended it? Suddenly when Thakur sahab asked my hand for his grandson in marriage, my parents couldn't refuse.
After the wedding rituals were over and we were taking blessings of the adults, my headmaster approached me with a sullen face and handed me an envelope. It was a letter comfirming my admission in Benares University, where his sister was a professor, I was supposed to stay with her. I broke down and cried, he assured me that my father in law would support my studies. I was hopeful too.
My Amma ripped that letter after discovering it and said that I need to be grateful for the change of fortune and just be a dutiful good wife and keep the honour of both the families intact. She said my father in law had gifted agricultural land to my father along with a herd of cattles, and asking about my education will be too much.
But why did it not occur to them about my studies? My father in law, knew I went to school, he would enquire about my progress, when he came to the village. Everytime Chandra only accused me of being illiterate, but never took initiative of sending me to college. Nobody did Sakshi!"
*Padmini's POV ends here*
Day 3
"Do you want to speak about the scars and bruises Padmini? I'm not forcing you and I understand..."
Sakshi, the psychologist spoke while handing her a tissue.
"No, I want to talk about it" her head shook in affirmation. "I want to get it out of my chest. I understand that it's not my shame anymore after you spoke about it. I also have been thinking about it for a long time. It's like a dam burst inside me... I'm not able to stop myself anymore. I feel exhausted, piling up all the pain inside me. Even garbage bins have a limit don't they?"
Tears rolled uncontrollably from her eyes.
"I'm not sure when I last cried so openly without any fear of being scolded for that too. I don't want to feel any of this Sakshi. I just want to feel free. Free of all the burden that I have been carrying from childhood until now; burden of all these forty eight years!"
The therapist offered her a glass of water and gave her a few minutes to calm down. "do you want to have something warm, coffee or tea perhaps? It will help you".
Padmini's face and eyes were swollen and red with the incessant crying. Her lips quivered.. Sakshi could feel the guilt, hurt and anger that must be clawing at her heart.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
*Thakur sahab and Thakurain the landowner and his wife, title also used for master and mistress.
