*What is the right age to be divorced?
*What is the right age to stand up for yourself?
*Who comes first? Self or family?
Trust me, no woman will be able to answer these questions when her own life is breaking apart.
And, I pray nobody should ha...
"Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realise our worth and value but, finally we realise our own.
I do not know who said these words but when I realised this was true, I made up my mind and gathered enough strength to leave....
I'm Padmini, a 48 yr old Indian woman who was abused by my husband for nearly thirty years and THIS IS MY STORY!
Don't ever tell somebody who's been abused, that these are proud battle scars. They are not, they are reminders of the near-death experience and humiliation they were subjected to constantly. And not many are lucky enough to escape this hell, alive.DO NOT GLORIFY ABUSE!"
We were never meant to be victims or survivors, but bear that title and the scars for no fault of ours, begrudgingly.
We dreamt to be loved and cherished just like you did, when we took the vow, instead were brutalised and scarred by the one we loved.
Society drills you with questions; thrusts it's opinion on everything you do, judges you, labels you and admonishes you; especially if you are a woman.
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"You deserve it, for not being a good wife. You disgust me! You are ugly, stupid and good for nothing!
Don't you dare question me, I'm the man of the house!
What do you mean by consent? You cannot deny my rights as a husband.
You are a B***h! Are you trying to seduce other men? Are you secretly having a boyfriend? Why did you talk to that guy? Why are wearing these clothes? What do you need money for?
What did you add to this food? It tastes disgusting. Can't you cook?
Are you trying to poison me?
You and your family disgust me, a bunch of gold diggers! You won't talk to them anymore.
What is the need to meet your friends now? Don't they have a family to take care of?
This is how we are chastised by the abuser.
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The family or society grooms us from childhood.
Learn to talk softly and don't laugh loudly like that. You will attract curious eyes! Women shouldn't be heard they should be seen!
Obey your father and your brother.
Learn to do all the chores for them, that is how you will learn to be a good wife for your husband in future.
How can you divorce now? What about the children? What will people say? What would you do without your husband? You're being selfish! Patience is a woman's virtue! You have to adjust and compromise in a family. He is bound to get angry, it's okay it happens in all houses.
You should abide by your in-laws.
Don't back answer, it's not ladylike!
Go back to your husband, your place is there not in this house.
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And you thought only beating up was abuse? The damages of emotional and psychological trauma are well concealed and much deeper, and never go away.
All of us are unique and so is our life and the challenges that we face. We battle them to the best of our abilities. It is inhumane to judge the other person, unaware of their limitations.
You haven't judged me already, without hearing my story, have you?
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Author's Note: FACTS: The year of lockdown saw an alarming surge in the number of domestic violence cases and is still on the rise according to many countries. According to National Commission for Women (India), reports between January and May 2021 India saw a 21 year high of recorded cases of abuse - 2,383. (I quote from a newspaper article). These were the reported cases. Over 70% of women who were abused did not seek help from relevant authorities or chose to remain silent.
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Don't light yourself on fire trying to brighten someone else's existence." - Unknown
