The Voice Or The Echo? (COMPLETE)

Chapter 11

🔞THIS CHAPTER MAY CONTAIN MENTION OF ABUSE, TRAUMA AND STRONG LANGUAGE. CONTENT MEANT FOR READERS ABOVE 18. DISCRETION ADVISED!🔞

        🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

"I did not have big aspirations, Sakshi when I got married, but simple dreams and wishes of love, happiness and marital bliss, like any normal girl. Maybe all the curses of the older
women started manifesting itself in my life!" A dry chuckle escapes Padmini's mouth.

"At the beininning he didn't accept me at all, I don't know if he does now either. He ignored me completely. On our first night he sat down and spoke to me, wanting to get familiar with each other. He asked me something in English and I didn't understand that's when he discovered about my education. I do not know why he assumed that I would be well educated and modern like him. I was raised in a village and need time to adapt to city life. He just left me in the room and went away. Next day morning he came back. And after few days he just packed his bags and left.

I learnt from Parul that he has gone for his studies. He never spoke to me except for threatening that I should not reveal to anyone what was happening between us. Months prolonged to years with his cold treatments. He would act like a normal husband when family members were present but rude and cold when alone.

When I was taken for doctor check up by my mother in law after four years, the truth behind our relationship broke out.

He was angry again with me, when he was forced to accept me as wife, that was when small instances started happening." Padmini stammered, tears gathering in her eyes again.

"He... he.. was drunk when.. he approached me... thinking back now after all these years of understanding, I realise that our first time together was what is now called a marital rape. In fact most of the days that's what it was."

A shock crosses the therapists' face.

"He never spoke anything to me in the initial days, just do the deed and leave me there. I used to feel so used, ashamed and used to hate myself".

I did not know anything back then. This continued for a while. Once I cried and told him that the smell of alcohol made me sick and nauseous. He said he felt the same way touching me. It hurts even now to think that is how my husband saw or still sees me. He accuses me of being  gold digger. He used to say humiliating things about my parents. How they had used me to get his family wealth. He constantly taunted and insulted them; until I complied to his condition of severing my ties with them.

Later I conceived Paarth. Nothing changed between us, as my in laws hoped it would, but it just got worse, just that they didn't know about it. He played so well, he would talk and be amicable in front of others. After Paarth was born he began his ways again. After Aparna was born and all the incidents that happened at that time, I promised, to him that I can change myself like other women if he wants to, and try and be modern. Parul had taught me few things and I could change as he wishes. I was willing to please him to win him back. I was ready to give my all to make this marriage work. He hit me, he got vile and  humiliated me again.

Do you want to show your body to everyone, wearing revealing clothes and take every man out there to bed with you? You want to tell them that your husband is not enough for you, bitch? You cannot calm your body down with one man? I knew you were a whore right from beginning, you are too proud of your beauty and your body isn't  it?

Padmini broke down in a fit of violent sobs.

"Everytime he gets angry he says this to me, everytime he forces me to have sex with him he says this, everytime he says this he hits me and bruises me, in various ways. I cannot refuse to have sex with him unless I'm on my periods. He would hurt me again.

Couple of times when he was drunk he said that some men openly talked at parties about how beautiful I was, he had overheard them. He wouldn't believe when I said that I never considered myself a beauty. Was it my fault I was born this way?  I had to hide the bruises and scars. I felt the need to hide my body so that nobody would find me attractive."

"I started wearing these halter neck and full sleeved blouses they cover my body up to my hips, I also chose heavy, thick silk sarees that would drape and hide my body shape. I stopped braiding my hair and wore only these low-buns since Aparna's birth; I was twenty six then".

"How did you manage the scars? They need to heal. Did you take any medicines? Also what caused the scars, I mean what did he use to hurt you?" Sakshi made sure the recorder was still on.

"Belt, sometimes the buckle part. And he has this stick, like ones used for horses. What do you call them?"

Sakshi showed her few pictures to confirm that it was a crop whip.

"Yeah! That one, he hides it in his wardrobe. I buy these antiseptic medicines for myself and use some home remedies too. I gave him my everything Sakshi. I devoted my life for him and the family. The last straw was his affair with Kayla.  He has been with her since past ten years. Earlier they met in London, later she moved to Delhi. He has another phone to talk to her, I found that accidentally the other day. He forgot to switch it off I guess. There are chats, photos etc from which I understood that this has been going on for ten years."

"What about your parents Padmini? Have you tried..."

Padmini placed her cofee cup down.
"I don't know where they are Sakshi. I don't know even if my family is alive."

They finished her coffee in silence.

"These scars Sakshi... the ones on my body, may fade over the years with medicine. What about the scars on my soul and memory?"

There was a deadly silence before Sakshi began to speak.

"To any legal authority Padmini you are classic case, victim of domestic violence, abuse, harrassment and marital rape and psychological abuse and probably many more. But to me, you are still a friend and a human being. I've known you from the time we met for Aparna's therapy. I care only about you. You can trust me for any kind of help any time of the day. Please do let me know if you are filing for divorce. I shall support you, all the evidences are there in your favour."

"Sakshi it has been a month now since I started these sessions. I'm following your advice and doing all the exercises you asked me to do as part of the therapy. Thank you so much for helping me! I will see you in two days".