Wolves| Taekook

二十六

The room was filled with silence as Jungkook looked at Taehyung who had nothing to say to him. Jungkook knew what was about to happen now. Now that he has finally revealed his darkest secret to Taehyung, he is gonna get scared and run away from him for his life. And to be honest, Jungkook was preparing himself for that to happen, he knew no one could accept a murderer like him in their life, but it just hurt. The pain in his heart knowing Taehyung was gonna leave him too was surprisingly hurting him more than the fact that he just spoke his insecurity out.

He was about to close his eyes and submerge himself into loneliness when his eyes widened when Taehyung pulled him in a hug by his hand. For a few moments, he couldn't process what was happening, everything was still like a painting, his tears stopped falling, his heart stopped beating, and then a warm hand traveled its way inside his hair, tangling it inside them.

"You didn't kill your mom, Jungkook" And Taehyung's words felt as if the first rain poured in the arid desert, that longed for the rain for so long that it had become barren. And so, the tranquillity disappeared as Jungkook's tears overflowed out of his eyes, heart beating rapidly as he hugged Taehyung back, pulling every inch of Taehyung close to him.

For a good time of 15 minutes, Jungkook just heavily sobbed over Taehyung's shoulder whilst holding him; Taehyung spoke nothing as he simultaneously kept patting Jungkook's hair and back, trying to calm the man down.

When no weepings could be heard from Jungkook's mouth, Taehyung parted from the hug and looked into Jungkook's eyes.

"If you're fine now...do you want to talk it out?" Taehyung politely asked as he stared at Jungkook, who was looking down at his feet.

Although Jungkook didn't give Taehyung a verbal response, his head moved up and down in a nod, having no intention to hide anything from Taehyung anymore.

__

The frost of the air turned Jungkook's nose red, a cold spread around it. A soft blanket was wrapped around his shoulder as his head hung up, looking at the crescent moon shining right over his head. He was currently sitting on the roof and stargazing, more like killing time till Taehyung came back with some hot chocolate.

The creaking of the wood caught his attention, but he didn't turn his head to look because he was too ashamed to. Now, as he is sober, he is regretting things that happened downstairs.

Taehyung sat beside Jungkook, giving him his cup of hot chocolate and looking at him silently taking his cup from his hand.

Jungkook was about to take a sip from it but stopped and stared at it intensely.

"Why?" He spoke up, catching Taehyung's attention who had already gulped half of his hot chocolate down.

"Why is it that you do exactly the opposite thing that I think about you?" Jungkook spoke and a blush spread around Taehyung's face. He didn't know how to respond to the random question so he kept quiet about it, and so, Jungkook continued.

"I don't know why but I'm happy to think that you'll run away after listening to what I have to say because then you might not" Jungkook spoke, finally taking a sip to relieve his dry throat.

Cold sweat formed over Jungkook's forehead as he fiddled with the cup, gulping his saliva down in nervousness.

"What if I told you that there are two people living inside this body?" He asked, eyeing Taehyung to see his reaction, but getting surprised when he had none.

"I'd still be here listening to everything that you have to say" Taehyung spoke, keeping his mug down and looking at Jungkook, who felt flustered (?) because of Taehyung's sudden confession.

Jungkook sighed as he looked at his hands. "It was a snowy day, school's annual competition day was going and...a friend of mine...cheated and because of that, my team lost the game. I don't know how or why, but..." He quickly glanced at Taehyung, who was still intently looking at him, waiting for him to continue speaking "I could hear a voice inside my head, repeating "Kill him, kill him", a-and as if someone took over my body, I couldn't control myself and I ripped his h-head off" The mug in Jungkook's hand let loose and he was about to drop it when Taehyung quickly caught it and kept it down.

"A-and my mother saw me--him...me doing that, that monster inside me was still controlling me and I...I" Tears again started leaking through Jungkook's eyes in the memories of his mom.

Taehyung didn't say anything as he let Jungkook struggle with his tears, who coped up with it after a minute. He took a breath as he continued.

"I killed her" 

"I cried the whole time beside her dead body, hugging her until my dad came to find us. Even at her funeral, I wasn't allowed to look at her or touch her. They locked me up for a few days until they solved the matter. My brother...he never liked me and after that incident, he started to despise me. Nobody wanted to be with me, even my dad, they were scared to be around me and I was named "the monster". I had to drop out of school and was sent to a private psychological training center." 

"I tortured myself all these years, taking the blame for killing mom and my friend. I started having nightmares where that monster's scary blue eyes chased me in the dark and then suddenly a mirror would appear and he would stand in front of me, telling me "you did all this", and I realized that I  am the monster. I became afraid of my own face, my own reflection. Mirrors scared me"

"I never let anyone close to me, afraid that I might hurt them and I didn't want to go through the same trauma once again when I haven't healed from the previous one. I hated sleeping, knowing that he would come in my dreams to remind me the kind of person I am and that I can never move forward"

"Then I started going to clubs, finding people to sleep with, and when they would get tired and sleep, I'd just stare at the moon and miss mom" 

"I never wanted to be this cold, rude, insensitive person, Taehyung. I wanted to be happy, smile like you all do, sleep like you all do, fall in love like you all do, but the snow, the night, dreams, reflections, everything reminds me of the monster living inside of me, and then I realize I don't deserve these things, I don't deserve to be happy, at least that's what Eun-sang says. I took a two family's happiness away, so I don't deserve to live a normal life" 

"I wanted to shout to the world that it wasn't my fault, that I didn't do it, but who is gonna believe a psychopath who killed his mom and friend?" Jungkook scoffed as he spoke, blinking his tears away.

"At least you could shout it out to me" Taehyung's sentence stopped Jungkook's speech as he looked at him.

"Would it be weird if I told you I believe you? Because if you truly were the monster, insensitive bastard everyone thinks you are, you wouldn't have taken me in, you wouldn't have taken me grocery shopping, to the carnival. You wouldn't have cried and helped me after biting half of my stomach off if you really are the beast you call yourself" 

"I really wouldn't have done it if it was someone else though" Jungkook spoke causing an extreme blush over Taehyung's cheeks.

"Wh-what do you even mean?!" Taehyung spoke, feeling flustered.

"You're amazing, Taehyung. I treated you like shit, I never talked properly to you, yet you did all the things you did for me without even complaining. I know you did it because you wanted to save money and go to the city but you never left me even though I pushed you away so many times, I felt like I didn't deserve your kindness" Jungkook smiled lopsidedly as he spoke.

The silence made his head turn towards Taehyung, and his eyes widened a little as he looked at how flushed and flustered Taehyung was.

Taehyung's words were stuck in his throat as he felt hot even in the nightly cold breeze of the spring, he could feel his heart beating even in the rustling of the leaves of the trees.

Since when did Jungkook's words start affecting him so much? Maybe because it's the first time Jungkook is letting his honest feelings out in front of him

He took a deep breath, calming himself down as he spoke.

"Well, to be honest, it was for money and a place to stay at first, but the real reason why I did everything I did is different..."