It was always you

Glorious Past

I decided to keep my mouth shut after the chocolate incident, because sometimes Sally lose the control over herself and spill out the feelings that she's been hiding as if it's not a big deal for her , and only I know that whatever she's going to say next would be related to us, I don't want to feel guilty for the third time today. I dropped her home and went back to my penthouse, as soon as I reached there, I threw my suit jacket on the couch and went towards the window with city  view, it's one of my favourite part of the house , just because the numerous buildings makes me realise that, I am not alone suffering in this world, every individual has his or her story to tell, some are successful and some are still suffering, everyone is bestowed with one favour or the other but human eye are too busy in admiring the  favours that others posses that they're too ignorant to notice their own.

This view provides calmness to my heart and soul, today has indeed being a very long day, I discovered that, someone I can call my neice and nephew exist, I just agreed to be a father to both of them and I agreed to be the husband to the mother of those kids, the woman is my ex-girlfriend the first girl in my life for whom, I can do anything. I took some deep breaths and close my eyes, the decision I took today will going to gave grave consequences, I have to be prepared for the series of problems, I am going to face in coming days.

.....

After changing into my nightdress, I decided to try to catch some sleep, today's events started playing in my head , that made me deprive of sleep, the intimate moment that we shared today, the conversations that we had back in restaurant and at the ice-cream parlour, I hate myself for being so open to him, majority of girls, I have known will not want their ex to know that, how much their absence affected him, and they try their best to make their ex's believe that they're happy without them, but here stupid me told him from my mouth how much agony, I've gone through in his absence, it's because he's my one and only male bestfriend, the bond that we used to share in past was so strong and special that even after almost seven years, I feel that my conversations will remain secure with him and that's why , I was so open to him today. That I forgot unknowingly, I am making him feel guilty.

It's like me telling the thief to be a judge for himself, he's a thief because he stole my heart, I wish that, I could have never met him for the second time, I wish that he wouldn't have been Laura's brother , or Laura wouldn't have been James girlfriend. Still after tossing and turning on the pillow, sleep didn't make it's way to my eyes, I got up and took out my journals from my bag and decided to read them, I think I wrote them for this day.

Dear Diary,

I told you about Katie's boyfriend, you know he turned out to be, James's new girlfriend's Laura's brother, I came to know this when, I asked my brother to let me meet his new girlfriend, we met in a cafe, where Emerson came late, he's first shock seeing me there but then he extended his hand and introduced himself to me officially, He's wearing a blue shirt and jeans looking all handsome. Laura already introduced his brother to mines and I was mad at James for not letting me meet her soon, Laura posses bubbly personality , she's someone who can keep our secrets, I think I got other friend beside Katie, but still I miss Diana don't know when she'd be back from France.

The best part of our met was when, Laura and James went outside for their secret talk, me and Emerson was left alone, and he himself initiated a talk with me asking me about Katie's health, atleast he wasn't acting like usually ex's do, curiously get the best of me , when I asked him the reason of his breakup with her, because I was too nervous to ask it from Katie , usually she avoids the topic on Emerson, so I choose to ask him , I know it's wrong but still . What shocked me was when he decided to tell me the reason, he told me that her pre- highschool teacher discovered about their affair and she told it to her father, her dad and Emerson's dad are rivals of one another the day Katie's dad discovered it he humiliated Emerson's family which lead to their messy breakup but still Emerson's mother advised him to be good to her and he being momma's boy is following her , He told me the half truth, I think because the way he looks at Katie, I can tell that he still love her but I choose to shut my mouth. Our conversation didn't ended here he asked me the most embarrassing question that's if I ever had a boyfriend, I being truthful told him the truth what'll I do by hiding it . Then I asked if when was the first time he discovered about Laura's and James relationship, and that was when I felt betrayed by my siblings and parents, I was the last one to know about James relationship,in my family, I wanted to fight with him but then, I realised I was too busy with my studies that, I forgot about my family, but clapping is impossible with one hand they'd have told me, the most hurtful thing was he told about his relationship to Camilla before me, I can't help I'm an introvert but wait if I claimed myself as an introvert, Why did I converse with Emerson today so easily as if , I have known him since years? This guy is something who's taken peace of my mind away , I feel weird connection with him.

Hope it's not hallucination or aftermath of reading a romance novel.

Love
Selena...

I flipped another page that was written after a gap of a month , maybe I was busy with exams or my grandmother, I smiled as I read the first line of the letter it was one of my favourite day spent with Emerson.

Dear Diary,

You know I've grown too close to Emerson, to an extent that, I share things with him that, I used to do with Diana. Yesterday was a special day Laura and James decided to have a campfire in our farmhouse with our parents including me and Emerson,and my stepsister Camilla, you know we sang songs and dance, and shared stories , Emerson's parents are amazing people, Gina is kind woman who's blonde hair and blue  eyes, but nose beautiful nose and chin dipping, Emerson got from her chin dimple people are amazing in my eyes, they've personality of their own, Alexander, his dad has dark brown hair and sea-green eyes which , Emerson got from him on the other side Laura is a younger vision of her mother .  I don't feel connection with any stranger walking by but the connection that I felt with Emerson that day was telling me the future of his relationship with my family , I am blessed with the power of sensing future, I think.  Although I discovered my talent but to shaped up my talent, I need a mentor. That's why we go to school, don't we.

Everything was going fine until, Camilla introduced himself to Emerson, although I don't feel anything for him but sense of possessiveness took over me when, she blushed when he talked and kissed her knuckles, like always she stole him like she stole my family, nobody wants to be friends with me because they consider that , I'm filled with attitude and pride but they never tried to know me, I always become nervous, with so many people around, I need time to be open to people and my mom always consider that this habit of mines will going to lend me in trouble someday. I took out my book and began reading it infront of the lake , to let them enjoy and thought it's my worst decision to agree to accompany them there, but what was special about everything was when Emerson ditched everyone to spend time with me and to talk to me.

I am too sensitive, this small act of his bloomed an undefined feeling within me, what's that, I don't know these small acts of people flatter me.

Love
Selena...

I sighed life indeed keep changing and it's not the same everytime, I hate myself for being so sensitive in past , it's not like I'm not sensitive now but this time after getting my heart broken for first time, I have learnt a lesson from my past mistakes, it's not necessary that, a particular person who do small acts of humanity for you loves you,or make you feel as if you're special to him or her, that's  a biggest lie in my eyes , Emerson felt pity for me that day, I know by reading the body language of me and Camilla anyone can tell that nothing is alright between both of us and my family was too busy in enjoying themselves that they forgot to ask my whereabouts, it's just an act of humanity he did for me, if someone else would have been at my place he'd have done the same.

....

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