Talking to the Moon [R•L x reader]

The Shrieking Shack

"Look, I'm not sure how we lost you!"

"The whole reason I go outside on a full moon and not holed up in that shack, is because I trust you guys!" I sat on the stairs up to the girls dorm with Alice while Marlene and Lily were down in the common room listening to the boys arguing.

"We do keep an eye on you-"

"Is that why (Y/n) found me that morning? On my own?" Remus had begun to raise his voice, and I knew that at this point he was probably clenching his jaw. "Sirius, I was bloodied, and torn apart, and you know what?" There was a minor silence. "For once, I didn't mind! Cause in one of my most vulnerable moments, she was there!" I looked to my left at Alice, who's eyes were wide at the sound of the aggression in Remus' voice. "She was right there, exactly when I needed someone! Where we're you?!" There was a little more silence. "Where was James? Where was Peter?!" I lightly bit my lip as a wave of sadness crashed through my body. "Do you know why it's called the shrieking shack?!"

"Moony-"

"Because of me! Because once a month, I scream my heart out!!"

Thoughts of our childhood began to slip through my mind and I pulled my knees into my chest.

Those nights when Remus said he couldn't stay around my house when his transformations first began.

His parents had begun to keep him away from us around that one time of the month, always around the full moon, which was when I figured it out, when I was eight and had this fascination with the moon and all mythology linking to it.

We were only children...barely. He was four years old...He only lived down the road from us, so whenever he suffered through these transformations...I could usually hear them...Those screams were a familiar and heartbreaking sound, although it'd grown to be a sound so familiar that I could drown it out, which probably wasn't the best thing...

He'd never actually told me he was a werewolf, but he knew I knew about it, and he was perfectly happy with it, he said he'd always felt safe with me.

"Moony!" A voice broke my thoughts. James had shouted and everything had fallen silent, even Lily and Marlene's chatter. "Will you shut up?!" I heard James toss whatever he was holding onto the sofa, probably walking around it and over to his friend. "We've been there for you for the past six years!"

"You don't get it, James-"

"Yes, I do. Let me guess," Remus remained quiet, but I still heard him huff. "She's been your best friend since you were probably in primary school, maybe nursery, and now you're in a screaming match with your best friends because she was there for a moment when we weren't," Another small pause. "A single moment. And you said you didn't mind that you were so badly hurt, because you were with her." I shared a look with Alice. "You're not mad at us, Moons, you're mad at yourself."

"Why would I be mad at myself, James?" Peter was the one who answered.

"You're mad cause you fell in love with your best mate." I could hear him chuckle as he took a drink. "It's why you've let yourself. feel so vulnerable around her."

"But, you don't want to mess anything up cause technically she's a Marauder, which technically makes her 'one of the boys'." Sirius added. "Not only that, but you think that because she's hung out with us long enough, she'll see you more as a brother than some romantic interest." He released a chuckle, although it soon faded into silence. Alice's hand settled on my arm with a supportive smile. I tilted my head as she did so, confusing her a little.

"You like him, and you worry about him, I can tell-"

"Alice, can we not talk about this, I just want to go somewhere..." She nodded and hurried up the stairs, before quickly returning with her bag, my bag, Lily's and Marlene's in her arms. I smiled softly and stood up.

"We're going to Hogsmede!" She grabbed my hand as best as she could and I followed her down the stairs into the common room, where everyone had fallen silent. "Marlene, Lil, let's go!" She smiled brightly, continuing to pull me through the room and to the portrait hole.

I stood in the Shrieking Shack, staring at one corner of the room sadly. There were claw marks in the wood of the walls, dried blood smeared the walls...a lot. I sighed, adjusting my bag on my shoulder as I heard footsteps come up the stairs. They knew where they were going, that I was in here. The footsteps were fairly weighted, meaning they were either on the heavier side, or fairly tall. I recognised the figure in the shattered, blood coated mirror. His hair was messy and his hands were stuffed into his pockets. There was a scared smile on his face, nervous as the day he'd figured out I knew. I spun around to face him, and before I could speak, he did.

"Still feel safe with me?" His voice was a whisper as my eyes met his, but he soon looked around the room, shaking his head. "After you've seen what I can do?" I smiled softly.

"I grew up with you, and I know you'll never hurt me..." Tears welled in my eyes. "I've heard you scream for years, months on end...and the one thing I wanted to, was to be there for you, but you wouldn't let me..." I heard more footsteps beneath us on. the downstairs floor of the shack. "You mean the world to me, Remus, I feel so safe when I'm with you...you're like home..." I smiled sadly as I caught this glimmer of sound downstairs, our boys. "But you're doubting so many things..." I looked down to the dirtied floor as Remus stared hopelessly at me.

"(Y/n)-"

"I could hear you shouting at your own best friends...because one day over the past six years they weren't there." I swallowed thickly as I looked up, choking back my tears. "I don't want you yelling at them because of me..." Remus straightened up from his usual posture. "Or losing them. They're your best friends..." I smiled softly. "I used to be."

"What do you mean 'used to be'?"

"I can't be 'one of the boys' anymore, or a Marauder..."

"(N/n)-"

"I haven't been a teenage girl at all in the past six or seven years." I clenched my jaw, holding back more tears. "I need to be a girl once in my life, I can't keep being influenced by guys. All I've grown up with is guys." My eyes met his again. "I talk like a guy, I act like one, I fight like one!" I inhaled sharply. "I even refused to cry or grieve when my parents died, because I didn't want the pity or mockery from you guys. I've gotten to the point where I don't know how to act like a girl anymore." There was silence as tears began to trickle down my cheeks. Remus shook his head with a sad chuckle.

"You've always been that girly kid I grew up with." I stared at him. "I've seen you in dresses, skirts, tank tops, with your hair down, long, short, tall, through every insecurity every girl ever has." He looked me up and down. "And over these high school years, you let those insecurities be an excuse for you to whittle your confidence to the point where you feel like you need to dress like James, or Sirius." He shook his head with a sad smile. "Fuck everything, wear dresses, be a girl for once, hang out with your friends, with Lily, and Alice, and Marlene. Have nights out, just not where you feel like you're just 'one of the boys'." I bit my lip and stared at him. "You're a girl, and I think you should embrace that, rather than trying to fit in with us by wearing the same pair of jeans for a week." I laughed, wiping my tears as Remus smile. "Come here." He held open his arms and I happily wrapped mine around his torso, accepting the hug.