Trying something new - Avengersxreader - SEQUEL ON HOLD

- 25 - Safety rules

Your head hit something and you finally opened your eyes again. You were not on the table anymore. You could feel you were moving. And your head hit something again. Your whole body was hitting things. Either you were being shaken to death, or you were in a car. A car which was going pretty fast. 

You tried to calm down and look around you. It was still dark, so you guessed you didn’t pass out for long. Other than that… Well, you didn’t have anything else to see. You had to guess that they put you in the trunk. But your hands were free and that was a plus. Maybe they forgot to tie you up again when they got you out of that table. They were probably in a rush after you screamed at Sam.

You screamed at Sam. 

You screamed, and Sharon told you she’d kill Bucky if you did. 

Lucy died because you needed to be scared. And now Bucky was dead because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. They both died because of you. 

You wanted to scream again but whatever came out of your mouth was not a cry for help. It was just pain. You lost someone again. 

You tried to remember the last thing you told him. The lab. He was worried about you and you said you were fine. So the last thing you had ever told Bucky was a lie. Just like Lucy. But it was actually fine this time, since everything you told him since you’d been back were lies.

You didn’t tell him he was the reason you came back. That you felt terrified when Clint told you he’d been wounded. You should have come to see him first when you came back. He would have liked it, Sam told you. He would have known you cared about him at least. And you should have never told him that you wanted to be friends. You were an idiot.

You didn’t even remember if you had ever thanked him. He never treated you as a kid, but as a grown person that could make her own choices. He pushed you to do the right thing. And he supported you when you felt down. He made you feel useful and needed. 

And you thanked him by making sure he got killed. 

______

You hit your head again when you heard gunshots. From your car. Others coming from the outside. You heard a glass shatter and figured bullets were getting in too. Someone was trying to stop the car. The same car you were hidden in. You tried to move to see if you were wearing something to protect you. You weren’t. If you survived this, you would gladly remind Sharon that not wanting to kill you implied protecting you from bullets.

More shots. You were waiting for the moment you’d get one through your body. The car was moving like crazy. 

You started to feel your head going all over the place and your chest hurting. You couldn’t breathe. 

Laura taught you how to make the panic attacks go away. You used to have so many of them the first few days at the farm. You tried to forget about what was happening outside of your trunk and focused on your breathing for a while. 

After a few minutes, you started to feel better. But the car was still moving too much, and the sound of the bullets going through it was making you feel sick again. You had to do something, or at least try. You thought about Bucky, and how he told you that you spent so much time in other people’s heads that you forgot about your own. And right now, you really didn’t want to be in your own mind. 

You tried to forget about the pain from your head. It was probably from when they took the transmitter off. You were almost sure you had enough energy to get into the driver’s mind. And if you didn’t, then you’d just faint again and you wouldn’t feel the bullet that would kill you.