Bully

Chapter 16: Explanations

**BARRY'S POV**

"Abrielle, we simply want to understand what you're feeling and what you're going through. You have to be honest with us for that to happen, OK?" I softly stated

"It... it's my way of dealing with deep distress and emotional pain." She finally stated, looking down, "Like I said before, I have bad coping skills."

Deep distress and emotional pain? Well we knew she was having emotional pain. I guess hearing it out of her own mouth just makes it real for us. That's our issue to deal with.

"This is a good start. What else can you tell us about it?" I asked

She sighed obviously hating having to have this conversation. I just hoped she would actually open up to us!

"Sometimes it's a way to have control over my body when I can't control anything else in my life." She shamefully explained

A way to have control when she can't control anything else in her life? Why was she feeling like she didn't have control? There was much more to what she was going through than just what she was telling us.

"Abrielle, I want you to do something for me." Zach stated before waiting for her to look up at him, "Whenever you feel the urge to cut, come to one of us. All you have to do is tell us that you're feeling this way. We'll sit with you. If you wanna talk about why you're suddenly feeling the urge to cut yourself we'll happily listen. If you just wanna sit there and cry, we'll hold you while you do. If you simply need someone to just sit there in silence with you then that's what we'll do. OK? Can you promise us that?"

We watched in silence as she sat there and thought about what he had said. Could she do that? Would she do that? Could we trust her to do that?

"It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is. Even if you have to wake one of us up, do it! I promise you, it won't make us mad! Your well-being is our top priority. You can even go to Jake if we're all doing interviews or something." I added in, hoping to make her understand that we weren't judging her and that we only wanted to help her

She swallowed hard. I was worried that she wouldn't come to us when she felt this way. I was worried she didn't believe us when we told her we weren't judgmental. More than anything, I was worried that she would continue to harm herself. At least with Brent I could see a physical change in him when he was all fucked up. Zach moved to kneel in front of her. He took both her hands in his and, knowing Zach, knew there were tears in his eyes.

"I understand it's a huge thing to promise and that you probably feel like your problems and pain and all aren't worth coming to us with. Like Barry said, your well-being, physical, mental, and emotional, is our top priority. All we want to do is help you in any way that we can and that you'll allow us to." Brent said, giving her a soft, warm smile

She finally nodded her head that she'd come to them when she felt like hurting herself. All four of us let out a collective sigh of relief. We were all truly worried about her and were extremely happy that she had agreed to come to us when she felt the urge to harm herself. I urged her to drink her Gatorade. We watched as she drank as much as she could before the tiredness hit her again. Seeing the state she was in, Zach stood up and helped her walk to the bunk area. He even got her bag out so she could find my pajamas.

After she changed clothes she went to the bathroom. Eric made his way to his bunk to put his phone on the charger. He went to the back, from what I heard, and I watched as she left the bathroom and crawl into her bunk. I slowly made my way to the back after Brent and Zach sat together whispering to one another. Stopping by her bunk, I found her cuddled with the pillow pet that belonged to Eric! Making my way to where he sat with his laptop trying, and failing, to get some work done, I sat down and just stared at him.

"She's cuddling with your pillow pet like it's a life raft." I quietly stated

"I thought it might be comforting to her." He replied, not bothering to look over at me

I could only smile. He said he was a really laid back kind of person but he and Brent were both pretty emotional people. Letting her have his pet was his way of trying to help her.

"You think she'll really come to us when she feels the urge to hurt herself?" I questioned

He shrugged trying to be indifferent, "I don't know. She said she would so for now I guess we have to take her at her word."

His so-called indifferent attitude was just a facade. Eric was the one who had taken her to the ER. He was the one who lied for her. He was the one she had been released into the custody of. As I watched Eric, I noticed a few things. The poor guy was stressed. Really stressed. I wasn't sure it had anything to do with the band, either. He was distracted. As long as he'd been sitting here since I came in, he hadn't done a single thing. He was just sitting there staring at the screen before him.

"You ok?" I asked

He sighed, "She cuts to deal with deep distress & emotional pain. She feels that she has no control over anything else in her life."

I remained quiet knowing that he wasn't done venting. Zach and Brent slipped into the room and shut the door.

"How bad has her home life been to create this feeling in her?!" Eric angrily stated taking our band mates by surprise, "What kind of home life does she have that she feels the only control she truly has is to harm herself?! What the fuck is her parents doing?! Why aren't they helping her?"

"Eric, calm down man. You're getting loud and you're going to wake her." I stated calmly

He sighed again and plopped back down in his chair. In his ranting, he wound up standing up and pacing as much as he could in the crowded room.

"Maybe we should have Jake do some research on her. See what he can dig up about her." Zach offered

"That's a great idea! Obviously she's not going to tell us everything." Brent stated

I whipped my phone out and started texting Jake. He had a lot on his plate with being the tour manager but I knew he could get us anything we ever needed or wanted. Jake replied that he'd do the best he could in getting information about her for us. I relayed the message to the guys who all just nodded. Zach frowned but remained silent.

"So, I couldn't help but notice she has your pet pillow." Brent threw out there

My chuckles seemed to confuse him and Zach.

"Uh, I set it on her bunk when she went to the bathroom. I figured it might be comforting to her." Eric explained

"That was a nice thought, Eric." Brent stated, "It seems to be working."

"What do you mean?" Eric asked, confused

"She was holding that thing incredibly close to her when I went by." Brent explained

All I could do was smile. It was a good sign. We all split off and fell into our own thoughts. Or tried to work in Eric's case. I slipped into my bunk to call my wife.