IT'S ALWAYS YOU✓ (BOOK 2)

Sixty Three: It's not the same anymore

Terence's Point of view

I woke up but it feels like I didn't sleep for the whole night, I was just staring at the ceiling trying to make myself believe that everything that is happened last night is just a pure nightmare but as I roam my eyes around unti-unting nag rereplay sa utak ko kung pano umiyak si Shin habang nakayakap sakin.

Every corner of this place witnesses how fragile he is from that night... h-he dreamed to make a happy family but it seems like he won't make that dreams come true because--

He was right --he just ended up with a gay.

I try to hold back my tears to fall again but it didn't help kusa lang itong tumulo hanggang sa sunod-sunod na ang pagagos nito.

It takes me half an hour dumbfounded until I feel own body unconsciously moving on it's own, I didn't even notice that I'm on the bed kaya nagtaka ako, as I remember I fall asleep on the sofa-- nevermind.

Nagumpisa nalang akong maglinis ng mga kahibangang pinagga-gagawa ko at hindi ko mapigilang muling maiyak ng palihim habang nililigpit yung mga niluto kong pagkain, panis na yung iba at sa palagay ko wala naman ng kakain ng mga ito kaya isa-isa kong tinapon at nilinis na yung mga ibang mga kalat na ginawa ko.

I was planning to skipped my classes today at umuwi para magpahinga pero sa palagay ko magmumukmuk lang ako dun buong araw kaya kahit wala akong ganang pumasok pinilit ko parin. It's better kung madivert ang utak ko sa ibang bagay at least kahit papano mabawasan tong bigat ng nararamdaman ko.

.

.

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I got curious as I entered the university dahil sa mga nakahilerang blue van na may pare-parehong design na hearts, I roamed my eyes around at halos lahat ng students na nakakalat iisa ang pinupuntahan, sa dome.

As my curiosity strikes I asked one of the students na sa palagay ko dun din ang punta dahil may daladala itong kahon na may mga lang iba't ibang laruan.

"Umm... excuse me- ano pong meron?" I urged to asked.

"Ahh--hindi mo paba to alam? It's our school exercises every end of the school year to make a community service like this. Akala nga namin lalabas ulit tayo just like last year but the orphanage insist na sila ang pupunta dito, I guess you're a freshman here aren't you? dibale it's not mandatory naman but if you would like to experience you can join us." mahaba nitong paliwanag and I've never knew na may ganito palang practices ang school...I'm so proud.

"S-sure let me help you then-" kinuha ko ang isang kahon na nakapatong sa dala nito and to my surprise muntik ko ng mabitawan dahil hindi ko ine-expect na may kabigatan, narinig ko pa ang mahinang pagtawa ng nasa harap ko kaya nahihiya akong inayos yung pagkakahawak ko dahil baka tuluyan ko ng mabitawan. If only I knew how heavy is this hinayaan ko nalang sana na sya ang magbitbit, mukhan naman kasing kaya nya.

"Let's go?" He leaded the way to our university's dome habang nakasunod lang ako sakanyang nakatingin sa mga halo-halong laruan na hawak ko.

'I wanted to feel how my child feels if i drive them to school...I wanted to feel how to be loved by my child...I wanted to feel how to be a father with my own child.'

"Pstt!! Terence dito" I was dumfounded still looking at these toys at hindi ko na namalayang nakarating na pala kami dito, I looked around and parang nasa backstage kami. Nilapag ko nalang yung dala ko katabi nung kasama ko and started to peek from the side of the stage.

"You can join them, enjoy your day" pahabol nung kasama kong pumunta dito before I reached the corner of the stage to peek.

And to my surprise napakadaming bata na nasa may ground field na may iba't ibang laruan na nakakalat, they are all having fun, some of them are also eating na inaalalayan ng mga studyante ng S.U and also mga Madre na masayang umaalalay sa mga bata.

My heart feels so warm just by looking at them, they are all adorable.

May mangilan-ngilang  maliliit na bata na malapit sakin and I can't help to smile just watching them playing.

"Kuyang kyut tara sali ka samin" I looked where that voice coming from and I even pointed out my self dahil nakatingin sila sakin and I was surprised when they run towards me.

Pumantay ako sa taas nila as they hand me a soccer ball. They're are all waiting for me to do something so I just smile and put the ball on the ground para makipaglaro. Only God's know how terrible am I in sports.

But they didn't make laugh on me instead we are all having fun na nagpapasahan ng bola. Until one of them kicked the ball in a side way direction kaya and ending medyo malayo yung bola samin dahilan ng pagtawa naming lahat.

I volunteered to get the ball and tell them to wait for me dahil medyo malayo na yung ginulungan ng bola.

I was about to pick up the ball but someone's got my attention isang bata na nasa may sulok ng stage na tahimik na pinagmamasdan ang mga katulad nyang bata na naglalaro.

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sakanya but to my surprise agad itong humarap sakin na medyo nagulat din kaya tuluyan nakong lumapit sakanya at pumantay sa laki nito.

"Bat hindi ka makipaglaro sakanila?" I even pat his head na medyo nagpagulat sakanya but he just let me na nakayukong nakaharap sakin.

"B-bawal po atong mapagod may hita po ato. (b-bawal po akong mapagod may hika po ako.)" he's so cute the way he talk, he can't still pronounce K at halos matawa ako dahil sa pagkabulol nito, I guess he's around 3 years old. May daladala lang itong naliit na laruang kotse and he's spinning the wheel kaya binantayan ko lang ang bawat kilos nya.

"What's your name baby boy?" He looked up on me and I was stunned because of his cuteness. His dark eyes down to his little lips he looks so adorable.

"P-po?" he was still playing with the wheels using his little fingers kaya tuluyan nakong umupo para pumantay talaga sa height nito.

"I mean anong name mo?"

"Ato po si Tyle. (Ako po si Kyle)" I can't take my eyes on his dark eyes dahil ang cute nya, hindi ko mapigilang pisilin ang pisngi nito dahil nangigigil na talaga ako ang sarap kagatin.

"Kyle do you want to roam around--i mean gusto mo bang maikot tong buong school? I'll carry you para hindi ka mapagod" I can see how his eyes spark kasabay ng maliit na pag ngiti nito kaya I extend my arms in front of him signaling him to hug me para makarga ko sya and so he does masaya syang nagtata-tatalon habang nakayakap sakin at muntik pa kaming natumba dahil dun.

I carry him pabalik dun sa kung saan ginaganap yung activity para ipaalam sya sa mga sisters na kasama nila and he permitted to go with me basta ibalik ko daw sya before 5, he is so happy while we're both heading outside the dome hila-hila nito ang kamay ko after ko syang ibaba.

We're about to get outside but then he suddenly stop and pointed something mula dun sa backstage.

"Tuya Lance tingnan mo po oh ang cute po nila pala silang pamilya" I looked where Kyle's pointed at and pati ako natigil sa kinatatayuan ko.

It's Shin and Summer together with a little girl na nakakandong sakanya. Summer is looking for the little girl's clothes while Shin is busy looking  for a cute headbands.

"Alam mo po Tuya Lance, pangalap po namin na may tutuptup (kukupkup) po samin pala ituling na pamilya tung sila lang po ang mama't papa to alam mo Tuya Lance soblang saya to na po"

I can see how Shin genuinely laugh together with Summer and I can't denied that they're really look like a family.

' I promise diba... that someday I'll be a good dad for them, M-ma I love him but i feel empty...yun lang naman po ang pangarap ko dati eh...yung bumuo ng masayang pamilya.'

I'd never thought na darating pala ang araw na hahanapin mo ang talagang magbubuo sayo, ayoko ulit masaktan pero mas ayokong nagkakaganito ka dahil sakin.

Hindi ko namalayang nakangiti ako looking at Shin's genuinely smile pero sa gitna nag pagngiti ko ay ang pagguhit ng mainit na likido pababa sa pisngi ko.

If that day comes that he decided what he really wants and what he dreamed in life I'll be ready for that day to gave up everything just for him to be happy... just tell me what will make you happy Shin, I'll gave up everything, even us.


To be continue...