It's Okay

Chapter 3

I probably fell asleep yesterday, cause I wake up in ryus room. I can't really remember to go into bed but to be honest I don't really care. This happens sometimes. I think I was half asleep when I went to bed, or Ryu got me into bed. He is kinda used to it, I sometimes fall asleep during a movie night. I always wake up in the bed and Ryu tells me he brings me there.

We have school today, Ryu is already in the bathroom. I get dressed and then make some coffee. After Ryu is done I go to the bathroom and get ready. When we want to eat I only drink my coffee, I am not hungry at all. They ask me what's wrong but accept that I don't wanna eat. I actually feel like throwing up. We have to go to my house real quick to get my school bag, but it's on the way so no problem.

When we grabbed my bag my parents were arguing. I don't know about what but I do know if I stayed longer there they would get me into the fight and both yell at me instead of each other. Normally I do that so they don't fight anymore, but today I would come to late to school so I can't. I feel so bad. I'm a terrible son aren't I.

On the way to school we don't talk much. Normally we wouldn't stay quiet for even a minute but sometimes when one of us feels bad we don't talk much. I am so thankful for him. He is always there for me and even stays quiet with me if I need it. And he accepts me just how I am... I think. And I tell him everything. But I don't know what's wrong with me right now, so I can't really tell him anything right? And there is another thing he doesn't know.

It's not like I think that he would hate me or something it's just. I don't know. It's just hard. Plus I'm not even that sure myself yet. But there is something that I've been feeling lately. To be exact it's since asahi left. So I've been wondering. Why? Why was it so hard for me? Sure the others missed him too but... I just don't know.

It was probably just because I couldn't play volleyball for so long. Yea, that had to be the reason...

"yuu! Are you okay? I know that you're not feeling well but... What's wrong? Is it because of Asahi?"

What? I mean yea I missed him but that wasn't the reason for all of this right? I was just sick or something right? And I miss volleyball. So I put my thumb up, to show him I'm fine. I am not feeling like talking at all right now. In fact I feel like if I talk I'll start crying.

The rest of the walk was quiet again. As we arrived at the school we went to our classrooms. I didn't really like school. I only liked the club. And I liked my friends. And I liked the uniform. That was the reason I went to Karasuno. Or well, that's what I told the others. I don't even know why I didn't say the whole truth back then. Was I ashamed? But that doesn't even make sense, there was nothing to be ashamed about.

It was when I saw them play. They lost. And overall it wasn't even that spectacular. But something happened in my mind. I just had to go to the same school. What did I think back then? Come on, remember.

I can't recall anything from that moment. I just remember that I watched them play. Daichi, Suga and Asahi. But why did I want to go to this school? I cnat remember. I am pretty mixed up lately. I think I might just need a break. It was probably just a little much for me. I should visit my grandpa. Maybe he knows what to do.

I got thrown out of my thoughts when someone called out my name. "Nishinoya, would you mind paying attention to this class? I know you are the most enthusiastic person in school so please try to show it in class too" I didn't even notice that my teacher entered the classroom and apparently already started the lesson. After I got a whole heart attack I quickly nodded and tried to pay attention but I just couldn't concentrate. There was to much going on in my head.

As I tried to at least seem interested I was already spacing out again. Honestly I think the teacher noticed too but this time she didn't confront me. Instead she let me stay after class was over and I normally would sprint out to the club room. But of course she knew I was suspended. I expected to be yelled at. The teacher is really nice but I still was scared to Mae her mad. She never was mad. So she didn't yell at me now either, instead she asked if everything was alright. I was confused but assured her that I was fine and then she let me go.

So I went out of the room, I didn't run this time. Then I walked home.