It's Okay

Chapter 12

When I woke up I felt like throwing up. It will go away after I eat. Right, eat. Did I eat yesterday? I couldn't remember anything no matter how hard I tried. I guess that means no. Well that explains why I felt so horrible. Well except for the mental pain I've been going through.

I should probably eat. I can't afford to fail volleyball. The only thing I have left. Even Asahi left me. But I could always return to volleyball. Just a little while more.

As I ate some bread I was so hungry my stomach kind of hurt, but it felt kinda good. But I'd drink this evening so I had to eat.

After I was done this feeling didn't go away. Fuck this. Why do I have to be like this? I know exactly how bad I feel after not eating, so why am I doing this again? I know it. I know it exactly. I've been there. I don't want to go back. So why am I loosing against myself again?

No time for this! I gotta keep me busy, this way I can't think of anything anymore. Then it will stop hurting. So I walked to my parents and told them I'd stay at Ryu again. They didn't care. Like usually.

They weren't arguing. That was good. But I knew they'd start again. They were not fighting that bad, nothing physical, they were just never the same opinion. So they fought often. Sometimes I just want to cover my ears so I won't hear them. But I know it's my responsibility to make them stop.

I grabbed some stuff and then left. On my way to Ryu I run. Keep myself busy. The way wasn't really long but better than nothing. As I arrived at his house I let myself in and saw Ryu already preparing things for the party.

S: "Yuu! You're back, come give your big sis a hug!" as I did she whispered that she kept the promise. I was thankful to her. Especially because she wasn't exactly great at keeping secrets. Especially from her brother. They were so close. I wish I had a sibling. Even though they treat me like family I know they're not my real family and I'm not allowed to favor them over my parents. They are not bad people. They don't deserve a son like me.

Immediately I started thinking again. I was a really bad son. Should I go home to be with my parents instead? But then I would be a bad friend. Ryu doesn't deserve this either. What do I do? It's just a party. Just one night. I can't just go away. And it's not like I never see my parents. I promise I will spend more time with them after this party.

S: "Yuu can you help me grab some stuff from the shop before your party? Ryu said he doesn't have time."

Y: "Yea sure"

I was kinda half in my thoughts when I answered and before I noticed I was already in a car, sitting next to Saeko. Wait!

I forgot she drove like crazy. I nearly died there. You might think I should be used to it by now but you never get used to it.

We quickly grabbed the things she wanted and packed it inside her car. She only took me with her to carry her stuff. But I didn't mind honestly, at least I'm being useful. Also I do stuff like this for my friends.

On the way back home I died again. Come on! I'm not weak but her driving always gets me. And the worst part was her laughing like crazy and having the time of her life while being on the wrink of death. I guess she's kind of a psychopath. But I think that's pretty obvious.

Before I could even try to talk to her about anything we were back. And I had to get her stuff out of the car. And as I got inside the house Ryu waited for me. He was done already?

Y: "why didn't you wait for me, I would have helped you?"

R: "yea that's the point, that's why saeko kidnapped you while I finished. So now you can relax until thd party is starting."

I didn't even know what to say. So I just lied down on the couch and closed my eyes. I thought about my life again. About Asahi. I think I am ready.

Y: "Hey Ryu..."

But before I could even finish the sentence the door bell rang. Some people of my class were there. So I assume the party just started?

I will tell you later bro, I promise...