It's Okay

Chapter 11

The rest of the week wasn't really any different. Nothing special. I was still just a little depressed mess. In love with my friend. Maybe. And I still wasn't able to finally accept it. But I tried. Even though something inside of me still wanted to tell me it's a joke.

Today was Friday. By now Ryu already planned the party, so I had to go. It was tomorrow. His parents weren't home and his sister would come home pretty late.

I repeated to look at the clock. The time went on slower than usually. And I was bored. I still couldn't concentrate even a little. But the teacher still always woke me up from being zoned out. I guess she just wanted me to pass my exam. She is pretty nice. But she wouldn't understand. And she can't help me.

"Nishinoya, can you translate that sentence?" she pointed towards the board where the english sentence *I am not paying attention* was written. As I translated it everyone laughed. Me too. That's why we all loved this teacher. The atmosphere was so nice, that no one laughed over me, just with me. But I didn't mind either honestly. I just didn't care.

I was thinking about killing myself. I didn't even know why. And I didn't plan on actually doing it. But I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Maybe the party would actually make me think about something else. At least for one night. That would be nice.

As I thought about it the bell Rang and freed me from class. I got outside and slowly went somewhere. I didn't even know where. Didn't really want to go home. I could go run a little. Or practice with the women in my neighborhood. Their practice started at about 6pm so I still had some time left. I went home to get changed into my sport clothes and left my bag at home. Then I got out again, as soon as I could. Completely forgot to eat, but I didn't notice. And then I run. I run until I couldn't anymore. And then I practiced volleyball on my own, until the women arrived.

As they arrived one by one they first warmed up and then helped me practice a little, before they started the actual practice. Then they seperated into 2 teams and I played as a libero for both of them. I changed the teams with every point made. Kind of like the rotation but still a little different.

Of course the women weren't as good as out team, because they only played it as a hobby and didn't take it that seriously, but they still weren't bad at all. And I really struggled with still getting the ball. It was my biggest struggle to get balls that were already blocked. So I should practice that. I had to get better. Maybe Asahi wouldn't have left if I was better. Maybe he'll come back.

Of course it was pretty exhausting. But not more than normal practice too. And also I didn't care. After we were done I stayed a little more, to practice on my own again. I wasn't trying hard enough. I had to practice more.

When it turned dark already I was still not done. But tomorrow was the party so I should sleep now. So the last thing I did today was running home. I did see my father since he was still awake but I went to bed soon after so we didn't talk that much.

And then I slept. Or well, at least I tried. It took me a while but eventually I fell asleep. I don't even remember what I dreamt about. But it didn't matter.